Shooting Fish Page #7

Synopsis: Dylan and Jez are con artists, Dylan is a charming American who's run from some characters in the states and Jez is an English techno nerd. During one of their scams selling a voice recognition computer they hire Georgie as a secretary for the job. The romantic triangle between Dylan, Jez and Georgie appears, but she is also not a secretary, but a student, and her marriage with rich Roger is upcoming.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Romance
Director(s): Stefan Schwartz
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
  3 wins.
 
IMDB:
6.6
Metacritic:
47
Rotten Tomatoes:
57%
PG
Year:
1997
103 min
127 Views


Come on, just--

You told her.

Yeah.

I cannot believe you told her!

Jez!

She hates me.

Of course she hates you,

because you're a schmuck.

Here's why:
She's poor,

she's got our cases...

and she's been dicked by you.

We're never going

to see her again!

I don't care

if you're sorry sorry.

If Roger

had got eviction orders...

where would he have

got them from?

Any lawyer.

Oh, that's helpful.

If I wanted to save the house,

the foundation...

and the grounds,

what would I need?

It's getting

a little late for that.

- How much?

- 1.5 million.

But, with death duties

and my fees, about two million.

- By when?

- Next week.

Biscuit?

Thank you.

Governor wants

to see you in his office.

Jeremiah...

Dylan...

Lesley has died.

Lesley? Oh, no...

Who?

Lesley!

Lesley's dead!

Who's Lesley?

Our Lesley is dead?

Governor...

Lesley was so young

and so fresh.

Eighty-four.

The most sprightly

pensioner I ever met.

Who's Lesley?

Sir, Lesley was like an auntie.

Uncle.

Uncle, auntie, guru

to this man...

and, look, he's become

emotionally detached.

Hey, Lesley is dead, man!

Lesley's gone!

Ohh!

OK, buddy.

Oh, Lesley! No!

I think it's starting

to get through to him.

Let it out, buddy.

Let it out. OK. Let it out.

The cremation is this morning.

I'm so sorry.

I, too, am sorry

to hear of your loss.

I've taken into account

you're to be paroled tomorrow...

and I have decided to allow you

to attend the ceremony.

- Thank you, sir.

- Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you. Thank you.

Happy to be

with you in the sun...

In the summertime.

So glad to be here

and now we're done.

Kneel down. Kneel down.

Could you leave us

for a few minutes?

Oh...

- I'm sorry I lied.

- Don't be. Open the boot.

Wait. Put the money in here.

The cases are great,

but they're hardly subtle.

Stately...

home.

Come on.

I should check.

Just give them

another couple of minutes--

- I should look.

- I don't think you--

Can we move this along, please?

Are you all right?

Just a few more minutes, please.

They've gone out.

Where are we going?

There's a chess set expected

to take 1,800,000 at auction.

We buy it, then we resell it.

Amazing, Georgie.

Oh...

Oh, no...

We're never going to make it.

We'll be too late.

Oh, I can't...

- We get back, make a plan.

- Back? No.

- Dylan, back.

- Back or forwards?

- Back.

- Forwards.

- Back!

- Forwards!

- No!

- We have to go--

- You shut up!

- Back!

I'm sorry. That's it.

I'm going in.

I don't think--

You must have noticed--

Ohh...

I think she's fainted.

Oh. Hide the money.

No... oh!

No... oh!

No, quit...

No. No. No!

'No!

'No!

"Hereby commit

his body to the..."

If you loved him, let him go.

"Dust to dust,

in the sure and certain hope..."

I'm really sorry.

I'll pick you up

tomorrow at 12:
00.

Here's Georgina.

Got everything?

Thanks.

You made a great Vicar.

Well done, Mikey.

Thank you, Hilda.

This should benefit all of us.

I think we pulled it off

rather well.

- I'm here to see Mr. Collyns.

- I'm afraid he's busy--

Mr. Collyns--Roger.

I have the money

for the foundation.

I'm sorry, I held him off

as long as I could.

- What have you done?

- I had to sell him your house.

And that means the foundation

will sadly have to be shut.

You sold him my house?

Well, I--

You buggered a property deal

that could've made us richer...

than you could have

possibly imagined.

A property deal?!

Christ, Roger, you've known me

since I was a child.

Has money ever meant

anything to me?

And I honestly thought

our marriage could work.

I didn't love you.

You knew that.

I thought I understood you,

what little there was...

but you surpassed yourself,

keeping a secret for--

Christ, you've been

proposing to me for years.

Is that what you had

at the back of your mind?

Of course not.

I met the businessman...

a few months ago?

It was

a once-in-a-lifetime deal.

You.

I suppose there had to be some

brains behind this deception.

We trusted you!

You've been our family lawyer

since the Dark Ages.

Just sell me the house.

What use is it to you?

You made me look a bloody fool

in front of all my friends.

That's very kind

of you to say so...

but in all fairness, I think

some groundwork was done for me.

Mr. Collyns, you're sacked.

From dealing with your poverty?

Hello.

You bought the horse.

Roger.

I have, and I want the house

and the foundation back.

Georgie, there's something

I must explain to you.

I authorized the sale.

What?

You just paid two million quid

for some dog food and wood glue.

Ha ha ha!

Excuse me.

I want a word with you.

Do you know the whereabouts

of Mr. Pinkworth?

Um...

Oh, Daddy!

Stratton-Luce.

Maybe.

Oh, God, what happened?

Um...

the money didn't burn

in the coffin.

The what?

My father converted one wing

of our family house...

into a foundation for children

with Down's Syndrome.

My brother was born Down's.

Where's the money?

Father died and the house

went into receivership...

because we couldn't pay

the death duties.

You've spent our money

on people with Down's Syndrome.

We thought

we'd lost the money.

I wanted to buy

the house, but I was too late.

So what did you buy?

I think you better come outside.

I feel sick.

We could've had a mansion

and all lived in luxury...

albeit with a bunch of loonies--

disadvantaged children.

Instead, we've got a horse

whose only value is as sausage.

Sorry, Vacuum,

it happens to be the truth.

This is my sister Floss

and our brother Robin...

and this is Jez.

And Dylan.

Hi.

Hi.

Both lost for words.

That's pretty unusual.

I got a call and Robin

has to be out by midday.

I can't believe

Roger's doing this.

He's angry

and doesn't like my friends.

We're going to save

your brother... Robin...

and your house.

How?

Ma'am, don't you worry.

It's got to win, Jez.

Yeah. I got it.

What makes a horse win?

- Speed?

- What else?

- Fitness.

- Yeah. What else?

- Balance.

- Yeah. What else?

Fancying the horse in front.

What else? Come on, Jez.

A light jockey.

The next race on your cards...

ladies and gentlemen,

is the feature race of the day:

the 57th running...

of the Group-One K.P.M.G.

Challenge Cup.

And the highlights

of the race now...

OK, the more you turn this...

the stronger the magnetic field

will pull you down.

- Down.

- Down.

Jez, you want

to get that sleeve?

OK. Thank you.

Afternoon, Panties.

Afternoon, sir.

Right.

Too many big lunches, eh?

Yes, you can

take four pounds off.

- Thank you.

- Certainly.

Next, please.

All the runners

are down at the start now.

They're going behind for

the big race of the afternoon.

It won't be long

before they're underway.

In the betting ring, Old Whiskey

is favored at six to four.

Wackerjack

is a three-to-one shot.

Louie's Boy

has gone out a point.

Here we are.

Look who's here.

Good luck, you old filly.

...to 16-1 from 12.

Loading's going fairly smoothly.

Most of the runners in stall.

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Stefan Schwartz

Stefan Schwartz (born 1 May 1963) is an English and Canadian film and television director, writer and actor, most known for the feature film Shooting Fish and his work on the BBC's Spooks and Luther, AMC's The Walking Dead and Showtime's Dexter. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Shooting Fish" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/shooting_fish_18035>.

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