Short Circuit

Enemy neutralized, ladies and gentlemen.

Objective completed.

- Very nice.

- Yes, very nice.

Introducing your host, Dr Howard Marner.

President of Nova Robotics

Well, ladies and gentlemen

I want you to meet strategic artificially

intelligent nuclear transport

Or SAINT, as we call it.

If a question of survival,

then SAINT is the answer

It is quite simply, the most

sophisticated robot on planet Earth.

Adaptable to steaming jungle and burning

deserts and frozen arctic wastes

Well, of course it's adaptable

because it's a robot.

Therefore, impervious to...

- the ravages of nature.

- Crush ice.

Glass. Ice.

Gin.

Tonic.

A squeeze of lime.

- Your cocktail, Dr. Marner.

- Thank you, Number 2.

Just the way I like it...

shaken, but not stirred.

Oh my...

Well...

One thing we can't control is the weather. The

man upstairs is still in charge of that department.

So, why don't we just move our

little presentation back into the lab?

- Oh, and one more thing Dr. Marner.

- Yes, Senator Mills.

Where's the young man

that actually designed these things?

- Dr. Crosby?

- Yes.

We were told we would be meeting with him.

And so you shall.

- When?

- Soon.

Maybe not today, but soon.

- Why not today?

- Flu.

I'd feel happier about approving this

project if I could speak with him.

I'll see what I can do.

Would you excuse me for just...

I'll be back in just a second.

Norman, bolt up the motion control system please.

Don't forget that. It's very important.

Where is he?

I need him.

Stat!

Excuse me sir.

Crosby... he is hiding in the toilet, sir.

Public relations is everybody's job.

Well he is sitting at the cross

they are making him dog sick, sir.

Look. He's supposed to be here.

I want him here. I pay him to be here.

Well, the last time I am seeing him,

he is busy vomiting, sir.

Well, clean him up and

send him out to hob nob.

Stat!

Newton, come on, hurry up.

They are waiting for you.

Newton Crosby. You must make

instantaneous appearance.

Marner says "Stat".

You have to go

hob nob with the big wigs.

Is that a yes or the number

of your intelligence quotient?

Ben, I don't hob nob.

If you you like all that P.R. crap,

why don't you go hob nob.

Mingle with the brass. Have a ball.

I am sick of wearing

the dress in this family.

Crosby, now don't you hang up on me. I know

you're there. I want you up here right away!

Come on Newton! Swallow

your guts. You can do it.

Show them that you're a hot shot

fun guy underneath your clothes.

Now, what do they need me for?

To tell them each robot costs

Ben, a child of four can tell them that.

That is why they are needing you.

- Now come on. Hurry up!

- Just one dance.

Now, I have to go to the jack.

So you wait for me.

The "john."

Oh, ya, you're doing real good.

- Just keep working on those last two bars.

- Let us go!

Coming through, please.

Wine coolers. Perier, Long Island ice tea.

Please take a drink.

...he's putting on a tie.

He's going to tell you about

these peace time uses.

It's got plenty of peace time uses.

You mean besides serving gin and tonic?

The only way to secure the peace,

Senator, and I'm sure you know...

is be prepared. See...

We can parachute these robot guys

behind enemy lines.

They hide out till

the first strike blows over.

Then, each one of these little boogers

carries a 25 megaton bomb

right up the middle main street of Moscow.

Like the mail man bringing bad news.

We call it "Operation Gotcha Last".

- That's what you call insuring peace.

- Oh, ya...

just...

We're all thinking the same way. Would you

like to see our control center, Senator?

Hey, Norman. You better get

number 5 off that generator, man.

OK, OK, I'll get to it.

Run, Jim!

Jesus H God!

What the hell happened?

I don't know.

Oh my God! It's fried.

Oh! We're in deep sh*t now, man.

I hope got a few million bucks.

Because that's what they're going

to charge us if this think is fried.

- Everything checks out.

- What?

It's amazing.

Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

OK, robots. Verbal command. Access

code 29 report to disarming section.

Get out of here, you little crap bucket!

Go on!

It's the ultimate soldier.

Obeys orders, never asks questions.

Originally, I had non-military

purposes in mind.

I designed it as a marital aid.

Very funny.

No...

I'm sure we'll all agree that

Dr. Crosby has designed a weapon...

that will keep our world safe

for all time.

Howard, what's so safe

about blowing people up?

Coffee service coming through.

Please watch your step.

Hot coffee.

Coffee service coming through.

Please watch your step.

Please serve yourselves.

Have a canopy. Shrimp toast. Caviar.

Pate, salmon moose, Cheese Whiz...

Ladies and gentlemen,

our prototypes are here.

I've only counted 4,

so tell me I've miscounted.

- Gag me with a fork, sir.

- What?

Number 5 left the debriefing station

and then it just disappeared.

Oh, God, not today!

- Alright, call security.

- I did, sir, stat.

Good, you did, great.

Just stay calm!

- How're you doing?

- Running late as usual.

I knew it. God damned garbage cans!

Garbage cans with guns.

Newfangled bullshit!

- Have you got anything stronger?

- I got trouble which I don't need.

Because my wife is home cooking a steak

which is going to be dried out when I get there.

I think we got it.

What is that right there?

- Coffee machine.

- You're right, that's what it is.

- It's a coffee machine.

- That's very good, Howard.

Now it is time to freeze this place,

seal the doors, slam the gates shut.

All right, good enough.

OK, here you go.

Main gate. Captain.

- Where did you disappear to?

- I was hob nobbing.

OK, OK come on over here quick.

Come on. Come on, quick.

The guys downstairs say that number

He should have shut down.

Did you try the return code?

Ya, no response.

This is very strange, he won't talk to me.

- You sure number 5 is operational?

- Ya, as far as I know.

- Check the list polling system.

- OK.

Let's try the emergency override.

This is bullshit. Just let me go get it.

Access code, 42721.

Access gained, number 5 standing by.

With that ease,

you've gotten him on your terminal.

You're just a fine kid.

Report your position.

Malfunction, need input.

What the hell's a need input for?

I don't know,

I guess it can't triangulate his position.

That's a simple function.

Do you know how to triangulate

your position, Howard?

- No.

- Well, then, there you go.

I'm glad you think

this is all such a joke, Crosby.

Don't worry, Skroeder,

you're not going to miss a meal.

Just shut it down, pick it up.

Unable, malfunction.

How can it refuse to turn itself off?

Maybe it's pissed off.

It's a machine, Skroeder,

it doesn't get pissed off...

it doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad,

it doesn't laugh at your jokes.

- It just runs programming.

- Usually runs programs.

Anybody try the homing device yet?

- No.

- Oh, come on you guys, use your heads!

It's probably right down the hall and...

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