Sideways Page #26

JACK:

But you don't know yet, so your

negativity's a bit premature, wouldn't

you say?

Miles says nothing.

JACK:

Or f*** those New York publishers.

Publish it yourself. I'll chip in.

Just get it out there, get it

reviewed, get it in libraries. Let

the public decide.

Giving Jack a look that says Jack has no idea what he's

talking about, Miles takes a stance over the ball and focuses.

JACK:

Don't come over the top. Stay still.

MILES:

Shut up.

JACK:

Just trying to be helpful.

(a moment later)

It's all about stillness, Miles.

Inner quiet.

Miles drops his club and turns to Jack.

MILES:

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! What's

the matter with you, man? SHUT UP!

JACK:

Why are you so hostile? I know you're

frustrated with your life right now,

but you can choose not to be so

hostile.

(holding out a cup of

wine)

Here.

Still fuming, Miles begrudgingly accepts the wine and has a

taste. He's immediately distracted from his woes.

MILES:

What is it?

JACK:

I don't know. Got it from Stephanie.

Miles downs the rest and is intrigued by the taste.

MILES:

Huh. Let me see the label.

Suddenly a golfball THUDS against the hard fairway directly

behind them.

JACK:

(whirling around)

What the f***?

Way back on the tee box, some 200 yards away, are a FOURSOME

of two couples. One of the MEN is waving his driver.

HUSBAND #1

(shouting, barely

audible)

Hurry it up, will you?

Jack looks at Miles, the two incredulous.

MILES:

F***er hit into us.

JACK:

(yelling)

Hey, a**hole! That's not cool!

MILES:

Throw me his ball.

Jack walks over, picks up the offending ball and tosses it

to Miles. Miles gets out his 3-wood and -- THWOCK! -- cuts

it back low and hard.

JACK:

Nice shot.

THE COUPLES:

duck for cover as the ball whistles over their heads.

JACK AND MILES:

laugh hard.

THE TWO HUSBANDS

climb in their CART and hasten down the fairway toward Jack

and Miles.

JACK:

watches their approach, grinning.

JACK:

Oh, this is going to be fun.

(jerking a driver

from his bag)

This is going to be fun.

Jack heads in their direction, brandishing the club like a

medieval knight with a mace.

As the husbands get a look at this sight, they turn their

cart around and speed back toward their wives.

JACK:

Hit into us again, motherfuckers,

and I'll ass-rape all four of you!

EXT. GOLF COURSE CLUBHOUSE - DAY

Jack and Miles are turning in their cart and hoisting their

clubs over their shoulders.

JACK:

Just don't give up on Maya. Cool

smart chicks like that --they like

persistence.

MILES:

I don't want to talk about it.

JACK:

All I know is she's beautiful. Lots

of soul. Perfect for you. I'm not

going to feel good about this trip

until you guys hook up. Don't you

just want to feel that cozy little

box grip down on your Johnson?

Nearby a GOLFER is with his YOUNG SON.

GOLFER:

Hey, you mind keeping it down, buddy?

EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY

Miles and Jack walk toward their car.

JACK:

Is it the money thing?

MILES:

Is what the money thing?

JACK:

With Maya.

MILES:

Well, yeah, that's part of it. Woman

finds out how I live, that I'm not a

published author, that I'm a liar

essentially, then yeah, any interest

is gonna evaporate real quick. If

you don't have money at my age, you're

not even in the game. You're just a

pasture animal waiting for the

abattoir.

JACK:

Is an abattoir like a... like a...

what is that?

MILES:

Slaughterhouse.

JACK:

Abattoir. Huh. But you are going to

get the good news this week about

your book. I know you are. I can

feel it.

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