Sightseers

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(WOMAN WAILING LOUDLY)

(CONTINUES WAILING)

(QUIETLY) Mum? Mum?

Mum?

Mum?

Mum?

Mum?

Mum? Mum?

Mum?

You all right?

I was just thinking about Poppy.

She was me only friend.

Aw, Mum. I'm your friend.

You're not a friend.

You're just a relative.

I'm 34 years old!

And I've found someone who likes me,

and I like him,

and I'm going on holiday with him.

You're running away

from your... guilt!

Don't do that with Poppy's lead, Mum.

CAROL:

You've always had lovely hair, Tina.

TINA:
It is quite thick, isn't it?

CAROL:
Yes.

I've always admired your hair

being thick, because mine's so thin.

I think you might have a few split ends.

Better watch that.

- Any more bags you want taking?

- TINA:
Well,

- I might want a couple more towels.

- CHRIS:
No, not in there.

CHRIS:
You didn't tell me

your mum was an artist.

TINA:
What?

Look at these.

(WHISPERS) Chris, don't go in there.

- (MUMBLES) Why not?

- Come out. Chris.

What's going on?

CHRIS:
I'm just admiring

your artwork, Carol. It's fantastic.

I don't want anyone in my room.

Chris was just saying how talented

he thinks you are, Mum.

CAROL:
It's my private sanctum.

I don't want anybody looking.

Well, no one's looking

in your sanctum, Mum.

So I'll just... Shall I leave you, then,

to look at your brushes?

I'll just sit for a few minutes, yes.

- Okay.

- I could do with a cup of tea.

- I'll get you one, Mum.

- That'd be nice.

- I'm shutting the door now.

- That's okay.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Okay, Mum, bye.

Bye.

- All right?

- Yeah.

Good.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

- I've always wanted a boy in my bed.

- Come on.

- Have you?

- Yeah. I was never allowed.

I've always wanted to be in this bed.

- This is Jonty.

- Oh, he's putting me off.

(TINA LAUGHING)

- CHRIS:
I like this room.

- Do you?

- Mmm.

- I hate it.

Why?

TINA:
Well, I like the bits.

CHRIS:
Makes me think of you

when you were a kid.

TINA:
At the same time, if it was

all destroyed, I'd be quite happy.

CHRIS:
So what were you like

when you were a little kid, then?

TINA:
Unhappy.

CHRIS:
You didn't like school?

- (TINA EXHALES)

- I know, nor me.

What were you like at school, Chris?

I wasn't like anything.

I was, like, invisible.

TINA:
What about you being ginger?

CHRIS:
Weli, that's a problem, yeah.

TINA:
That's not invisible, is it?

CHRIS:
No, but I wanted to be.

Oh, I don't think it's safe

going off with him.

It is safe!

I know about all kinds of people who've

had very bad experiences in caravans.

Like who?

Well, Louise.

She fell out of it, didn't she?

Oh, I don't know. I mean, you've gone

far too fast with him far too soon.

You hardly know him.

TINA:
You look like you...

you don't trust him.

CAROL:
I don't.

TINA:
Just let him get on with it.

CAROL:
Well, I'd like to know

what he's getting on with.

- Well, he's packing.

- How much of our stuff has he got?

Mum, he hasn't got any of your stuff.

Don't be silly.

CHRIS:
All right, uh, toothbrush?

TINA:
Yeah.

- And a sponge?

- Yeah.

- Umbrella?

- Yes.

- Uh, wash bag?

- Yes.

- What's that? What's that?

- Potpourri.

And what are you bringing that for?

We don't need potpourri.

I don't think I could cope

without potpourri, Chris.

You're gonna have a woman's touch

on this holiday, Chris.

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, Chris.

Don't look at my bum.

- I'm not looking at your bum.

- You are.

- Just son' of loomed into my vision.

- (TINA LAUGHING)

(CLATTERING)

Milady.

- Bye, Mum.

- You'll be back.

I will, Mum, in a week.

Okay, well, we'll see you then, Carol.

I'll bring her back safe,

don't you worry.

Hey, I understand

you collect snow globes.

I don't like you.

Okay, well, see you, then.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Show me your world, Chris.

Well, I thought we'd start

with Crich Tram Museum.

- Great.

- Murderer.

It was an accident, Mum.

So were you.

CHRIS:
Don't listen to her.

(# TAINTED LOVE BY SOFT CELL)

# Sometimes I feel I've got to run away

# I've got to get away

# From the pain you drive

into the heart of me

# The love we share seems to go nowhere

# And I've lost my light

li For I toss and turn

I can't sleep at night

# Once I ran to you

# I ran

# Now I'll run from you

# This tainted love you've given

# I give you all a boy could give you

# Take my tears

and that's not nearly all

# Tainted love

# Now I know I've got to run away

# I've got to...

That's, uh, 32.99.

- Extra strong.

- How can you?

Ah, sharpens the mind.

Poppy loved mints.

- They gave her the runs.

- Mint me.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

- (BLOWS WHISTLE)

- Hold tight, please.

So, ladies and gentlemen,

this is, um,

one of about 1,200 tram cars

of this type, of type E1,

built, um, by London County Council

from about 1912 onwards.

Out of those 1,200 trams,

only two have survived.

CHRIS:
You know, mobility,

the key to personal opportunity.

It's why I favour the Abbey Oxford

as a caravan.

So I'm the captain of me own fate.

Excuse me, you dropped your wrapper.

Your wrapper.

I said, you dropped your wrapper.

You see that? Do you see that?

(CHRIS SIGHS) You just

don't expect to see that, do you?

No. He was a pig, Chris.

He was a pig in clothes.

I don't want this to ruin our holiday.

You expect that of a kid

who doesn't know any better.

- (SHUSHING)

- But that's a bloody grown man.

He must be, what, 35,

something like that?

- Yeah, you don't expect it.

- Behaving like that in front of...

- He's setting an example to kids...

- I know, it's terrible.

And we're in a place where there's...

It's a bloody heritage place.

- I know. Shh. I know.

- I just cannot...

Maybe you'll feel better

if you have a scone.

- No. No.

- Do you want a scone?

No! They've not been preserved

for hundreds of years

- so that wankers like that...

- Shh. Shh.

...can use them like a bloody toilet!

WOMAN OVER PA:
Tina Read

to the Visitor Information Centre.

Stop telling me to shush.

It's putting me on edge.

Miss Tina Read,

your mother's on the phone.

TINA:
I'm gonna have to go

and see what's wrong.

Yeah.

Wait here, won't you?

I'm not gonna be able to enjoy

the museum if you're in this state.

I'll have to come home, then.

Chris is up there, he's looking at me.

I don't...

Well, no! I'm gonna have...

Well, I'm gonna have to come back, Mum,

'cause I can't leave you in this state.

- Hey, what's up? Oh, come on, what's up?

- (SOBBING)

Hey. What's happened?

- What'd she say?

- (SOBBING) We have to go home.

Why? What, because of her?

Blue John mines tomorrow. Pencil Museum.

I know how much you wanted to see that.

Got some vouchers as well.

Two-for-one restaurant deal.

They expire in a week.

It's now or never.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(CRUNCHING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(INAUDIBLE)

He just stepped out, Chris,

and it wasn't your fault.

(CHRIS SIGHS DEEPLY)

Maybe you're right.

(VOICE TREMBLING) I just feel so

devastated for his family, you know?

- Maybe your mother was right.

- About what?

About everything!

About everything.

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