Silver Streak

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Now arriving on track number seven,

the "Los Angeles Express"...

- Where to?

- The train to Chicago. The Silver Streak.

- Silver Streak. I'll take care of your bags, sir.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks.

What are those conventioneers doing

at the baggage cart?

Mm-mm-mm.

Now, ain't that something?

I thought it was bad enough with the hippies

on board. Now we got their fathers.

- Oh, we had to get Mary Lou.

- She's our date for the party.

Come on, conductor,

let's get this show on the track.

Oh, oh, oh, I beg your pardon.

Hello. Am I in the right place?

First class. Yes, sir. Right this way.

Watch your step there.

- This is your room.

- OK. Thanks a lot.

Thank you. Have a pleasant trip.

Sir, will you need all these bags here?

If not, I can store some at the other end.

Sure, sure. All I need is this one

and that one. You can take this.

And I'll keep the briefcase. Is this the bed?

- Yeah. I'll be making that up a little later on.

- OK. Thanks.

- And this is...

- Your lavatory and sink, sir.

- Nice big room.

- Very convenient.

What's this?

That turns the room into a double suite.

We used to have a lot of calls for them.

I'm sorry.

I'm not doing it on purpose.

This latch seems to be stuck, that's all.

- Did you say something?

- No. No.

I agree with everything you said.

I wanna take it easy.

Good. You just settle

back and enjoy the trip.

It won't be too exciting,

but we'll get you there on time.

- OK.

- Have a nice rest.

- Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

- Good evening.

Board!

So long, LA! Bye!

Do you like this perfume?

I mixed it myself.

Lovely. Very nice.

That's something, huh? Yes, sir.

We leave Los Angeles and we

go right up there to Nevada, into Colorado,

across the Rockies,

up to Kansas City, Kansas.

Right in here's a town

called Ashland, Missouri.

Cross the big Mississippi, two-and-a-half

days, we're up there in Chicago.

- That's some trip, huh?

- Mm-hm.

- You from Chicago?

- No, LA.

I'm from Chicago.

My name is Bob Sweet.

A sweet man, but a mean baby.

- George Caldwell.

- Yeah?

- What racket are you in?

- Publishing.

- No kidding. Come on, sit down here.

- Thanks.

You know, I'm in vitamins myself. Mm-hm.

Here. Here.

There's a sample for you of vitamin E.

Now, that is great for the old pecker.

It keeps the pencil sharp. I'm not kidding.

Have you had a chance yet

to check out the action?

No. Actually, this is the first

time I've ever taken a train.

- You're kidding me.

- No.

Come on.

- Well, you're in for the ride of your life.

- Oh, yeah?

Pick out a little chickie, my friend, and

it's hug and munch all the way to Chicago.

- Really?

- I do it all the time.

I tell my boss that I'm afraid of flying

and I get this action twice a year.

It's a cathouse on wheels.

Hey, listen, come on. It's something about

the movement of the train that does it.

All that motion makes a girl horny.

I'll tell you, Bob, I'm not really

interested in a shipboard romance.

- I took the train to rest and read.

- H-Hold it, hold it right there, George.

I believe I see my chickie for tonight.

Hi there. Can I buy you a drink?

- I have one. Thank you.

- Well, I'll justjoin you then, huh?

That's an old fashioned, bartender.

Do you go all the way?

What?

I said, do you go all the way...

to Chicago?

Oh.

Yes, I do.

- Well then, maybe we can do it together.

- Do what?

Go to Chicago.

I mean, you know, we're gonna be...

We're stuck on this train together

and... you can'tjump off.

You feel that motion?

- Are you hot?

- What?

I said, are you hot?

Lady, I am always hot.

Maybe I can cool you down.

How's the latch?

May I?

Yes, please, sit down.

What a nice surprise.

I said, how's the latch?

We have connecting rooms.

The latch? Good, it's good.

It's fine. Thank you.

It's a little bit rusty, but nothing serious.

I'll get the porter to look at it.

There's no rush. Is there?

Would you folks like a cocktail?

A martini on the rocks with a twist.

- Two.

- Yes, sir.

- My name is George Caldwell.

- Hilly Burns.

Hilly Burns?

That's short for Hildegard.

- What's that pencil for?

- Oh, you have to fill out your own menu card.

One macdoine of fruit,

beef oriental, rice, carrots, coffee,

apple pie la mode.

You print very well.

- Thanks.

- I'll have the same thing. You do it for me.

I can't even read my own writing.

I don't do shorthand and I can't type.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a secretary.

- Well, how do you keep yourjob?

- I give great phone.

I have a terrific personality.

- Are you going to Chicago?

- Yes.

I'm going to my sister's wedding.

How come you're taking the train?

Afraid of flying?

No, I'm not afraid of flying.

I, uh...

I just want to be bored.

And you?

Oh, my new boss likes the old-fashioned

ways. He's just written a book on Rembrandt.

He's gonna kick off his publicity campaign

with a lecture at the Art Institute.

Oh, yes? I'm in publishing. What's his name?

Professor Arthur Schreiner.

Have you heard of him?

No.

Most people haven't. He's been a recluse

working on this book for about 20 years.

- Where is he now?

- He's in bed, with hot milk and molasses.

He's a health nut.

- What do you publish?

- Oh, mostly nonfiction.

Gardening, cookbooks,

how-to-do-it books.

Like sex manuals?

I've edited a few.

An authority, hm?

I know what goes where... and why.

- That's very interesting. Are you married?

- Divorced.

How come?

My friends told me

that my wife was too good for me,

and after a couple of years

I decided they were right.

Sounds sad.

You say that your boss is in art history.

Is that what you're interested in?

Not really.

I just got this job because I was available.

I was willing to travel.

- Would you like some wine with this?

- Oh, what a question.

We'll have a bottle of the Mouton Cadet,

dix-neuf cent soixante et onze.

Very good, sir.

- You do that very well.

- I give great French.

- He won't talk.

- We gotta find the papers.

Look in his compartment.

So that was your introduction

to high society?

Look, he was very good to me.

He taught me everything

from the pill to Picasso.

What was missing?

- A marriage licence.

- Is that what you want?

I did then.

Right now I'd like some more champagne.

Oh. Shall I get another bottle?

Two.

This place seems to be closing down.

Why don't we take our glasses

and go to our rooms?

We could even open the connecting door.

We could even

break down the whole partition.

- I'll speak to the porter.

- I'll get the champagne.

You were right. It's that motion.

I didn't understand it, but you were right.

Good night.

- Rapist! Va a abusar de m.

- No, no, no, no!

Pardonnez-moi, por favor.

Excusez-moi, madame.

Rape! Rape! Rape!

Santa Mara, Madre de Dios,

ruega por nosotros los pecadores.

Excuse me.

This won't take a minute.

Good.

Excellent. D is all right.

Sorry. Good evening.

Come in.

This is very nice.

- Would you like some champagne?

- Yes.

I can't get over the size of this room

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