Simon Sez

---

Hey, Simon. Look at Freddy fly!

Interpol doesn't pay us to fly.

They pay us for surveillance.

Simon, why do European police

call themselves Interpol, anyway?

Why don't they just say "Europol"?

I had a Euro pulled once.

I couldn't sit for a week.

Cut the chatter. I'm in position.

Are you ready yet?

One second.

We're working out some bugs, man.

Got it.

If it isn't Ashton,

our favourite arms dealer.

Pull back so we can see

who he's waiting for.

I got it.

Lose them, you idiot!

Guys, will you just land

the damn thing?

There. Got it!

Who is the man? Who is the man?

I got static on the audio.

But that picture's better

than my cable at home.

You being a little critical,

don't you think?

Interpol doesn't just need pictures.

They need sound.

- That man has a point.

- He's the man.

- You the man.

- No, you.

No, guys.

This must be the man.

All right, guys.

It's game time.

Who do we have here?

Whoever he is, they're really

mad at his car.

Are you mad at me?

It's been three days.

You don't call. You don't E-mail.

You don't carrier pigeon.

What did I do?

The deal is cancelled.

The weapon isn't for sale.

I think you'd better run that

by me again, colonel.

What do you mean, "cancelled"?

I've changed my mind.

Can't you guys get closer?

Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

I hate people who renege on deals.

I hate cowards who act tough.

I hate colonels who think they're

generals. And I hate bugs!

- What happened?

- They killed the fly.

Freddy's dead?!

What?! What kind of man

kills another man's fly?

Enough of this silliness, colonel.

Let's talk family.

Don't bring my family into this.

Don't make me.

By the way, Colonel Telore...

...Mother taught me to always leave

a lasting impression.

You all right?

What business is it of yours?

Who are you?

The guy that saved your ass.

When did Interpol start hiring

sideshow freaks?

When did you start doing business

with arms dealers?

I haven't the faintest idea

what you're talking about.

Come on, colonel.

I see this all the time.

Guy gets greedy.

Guy meets Ashton.

Guy gets dead!

Call me...

...when you're ready to talk.

You okay?

What happened?

I scratched my bike, man.

The bike, I can fix. What happened

to the guy in uniform?

I called him a cab.

Could you I.D. him?

The guy's name is

Colonel Jacques Telore.

This file ended two years ago.

What's he doing now?

- Right now?

- He's getting ready for bed.

Nice warm glass of milk.

- Some flannel pj's.

- Hopefully a prayer.

And some sweet, sweet loving...

Guys, please.

His current assignment is classified.

Interpol doesn't have access.

- Why did I hire you guys, anyway?

- You hired us because we are cool.

And we bad!

And we can dance.

See, got you smiling.

Here, check this out.

Come on, man!

If we weren't monks, we'd be

on the road.

You think he mad?

- He's very moody.

- We still getting paid?

Vow of poverty,

but we're getting paid.

I'm hungry.

I thought you was on a diet?

Screw the diet.

Let's get Chinese food.

- How was that?

- That was great.

How's this?

Oh, God!

I'm sorry, Mr. Gabrielli.

That's all right, Claire.

Sometimes I scare myself.

Are you having fun?

Yes! Beaucoup de fun!

Let's go for a swim.

You can't!

Why not?

I mean, are you wearing sun block?

Stay where I can see you.

We're going to the raft.

Stay on the raft where

I can see you.

God, your father's being

so weird today.

It's your shot.

Make it and we win.

Simon says, "Go for it!"

What's up? What's this game called?

"Hit the Cat"?

Come on! Don't you remember?

Nick Miranda.

You believe this?

Yes! Come here!

Talk about a walk down memory lane!

Don't you remember?

Langley, '92? We sat across from

each other in ballistics.

I remember.

I used to play with your detonators.

What are you doing here?

Come on, man. I live here.

You're kidding. You still working

for the company?

You know, the CIA?

No. I retired.

Well, you picked a great place.

Do you believe it?

I get off a plane, go for a walk...

...and who do I run into?

Give your old buddy Nick a hug!

You have issues

about hugging another man?

This is France.

Men kiss each other here.

Give me a hug!

Easy! You're killing me here!

I'm going to the beach to meet

this guy. Come with me.

We could catch up on old times.

I'll buy lunch.

No, thanks. I'm full.

Buddy, relax. It's a figure of speech.

Come on, hang out with me!

lt'll be fun! lt'll take two hours

out of your day.

What's the big deal?

All right.

What's your name again?

Nick Miranda!

So after that, I did two years

in San Antonio...

...working the smuggling rings for DEA.

So you worked for Sanders?

Sanders?

What a ball-buster he was!

Sanders was a woman.

You didn't know?

- Know what?

- About the operation.

Almost killed him...

Her. Him, her, whatever.

The hormones, the mood swings.

It was like working for Chewbacca:

Morning, boss...!

I couldn't hang. I got bored

with it, so here I am...

...head of security for

a software firm. Not bad, huh?

We're talking here!

- For wife!

- No, no. We're talking here.

I collect wooden cows.

Let's cut the bullshit. Okay, Nick?

- Tell me all about the guy.

- What guy?

The guy you came to meet.

Just a five-minutes-and-we're-

out-of-here kind of guy.

I don't see what

you're testy about.

This must be the guy.

This is Nick.

Who's the tall one?

You're supposed to be alone.

He's here to make

sure everything goes smooth.

You were supposed to come alone.

Step out where I can see you.

We do things my way.

Give my man the briefcase.

You don't get the ransom

until I see Claire.

What's going on?

My friend wants to know

what's going on.

Give my man the briefcase!

When we know you've delivered,

we'll give you the girl.

You show me the girl,

I show you the case!

All right! She's on the raft

in the water.

Is this a joke? She's not there!

Who do you think you're messing with?

Look, guys, guys...

Chill out.

Chill out.

Give them the briefcase.

No way!

Man! My cardio's for sh*t!

I gotta get back on the StairMaster.

Tell me what's going on,

before I rearrange your face!

My boss's daughter was kidnapped.

I need your help to get her back.

What's inside?

Sh*t! Incoming!

Hey, baby. Long time, no see.

Give me the briefcase

and we'll keep it that way.

You know this chick?

I called, but

your number's disconnected.

I moved. Get over it.

Give me the briefcase!

I gotta keep it, but I'd love to

know why everybody wants it.

- That's not gonna happen.

- Which part?

Both!

Easy, Flashdance! Game over!

You got moves?

I got moves! Don't let me

get all Jurassic on your ass.

Come on, come on.

Can we just hook up later

and talk about this?

I've got nothing to say!

You okay...?

How about we go out for a drink?

Well, then, how about a swim?

Suit yourself.

Why did you wake me? I was dreaming

I was with Drew Barrymore.

We were having

a mad game of Monopoly.

What's this?

Puff Daddy?

Cute.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes