Sister Act Page #7

CHRISTY:

Christy. Christy Van Cartier.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Enough joking.

CHRISTY:

That's my real name! Currently I'm a

singer. Sort of.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Very well.

CHRISTY:

Oh my God. This isn't happening, tell

me this isn't happening. It's a

nightmare, I'm back at St. Anne's!

Page 23.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

St. Anne's?

CHRISTY:

Parochial school. Akron. St.

Android's.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

You were unhappy?

CHRISTY:

I was expelled! When I was fifteen?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

The reason?

CHRISTY:

Beats me! What do you think? Smoking!

Heavy petting, without a chaperone. Heavy

petting, with the chaperone. And wearing

a black bra, under my uniform. The demon

bra.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

I see.

CHRISTY:

You see? You see? I have to get out of

here I have to make a phone call.

Don't you get it? I'm in a convent!

You're a nun!

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

(very stern)

Sit down.

CHRISTY:

What?

Mother Superior rises. She is an extremely imposing

woman.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Sit.

Christy sits in a wooden chair across from Mother

Superior.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Miss Van Cartier.

CHRISTY:

What?

(belligerent)

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Your cigarette -- out.

Christy inspects her cigarette.

Page 24.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

(ruefully)

It has come to pass.

CHRISTY:

What?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

I joined this convent some thirty years

ago. At that time, the world knew some

measure of peace. And hope. Our order

was a beacon of hospitality, to families,

to children, to a neighborhood filled

with promise. And, as the years have

passed, I have watched that promise

destroyed. Drugs. Gangs.

(staring at Christy's

outfit) Spandex. And.

so I have made this

convent an oasis, a

retreat from horror.

And now that horror has

invaded these sacred

walls.

CHRISTY:

Are you talking about me?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

And all those like you.

CHRISTY:

You mean black people?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Absolutely not. I mean the wicked. The

heedless. And their Las Vegas

concubines.

CHRISTY:

(very suspicious)

What's a concubine?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Check your driver's license.

Christy stands, facing off with Mother Superior.

CHRISTY:

Fine. Got it. Look, the way I see it,

I'm stuck here, right? I mean, I'm here

or I'm target practice. So here's the

deal -- I don't bug you, you don't bug

me. I'll catch up on some sleep, watch

some tube, lay back and lay low. So just

get me a key and show me to my room, and

do not disturb. Capisce?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

(suspiciously

gracious)

Of course. But it's almost lunch.

Page 25.

CHRISTY:

Cool. Is there a menu? Or buffet?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Before we do, you might like to freshen

up. And you'll certainly want to change

CHRISTY:

(sniffing her clothes,

the same outfit she's

had on since the night

at Vince's office)

Deal.

INT. CONVENT CHANGING ROOM

A small room, with a sewing machine, some bolts of fabric,

and several wooden cabinets. There is a wooden screen in a

corner, marking a changing area. Christy is behind the

screen; we hear her, but do not see her, Mother Superior

stands beside the screen, catching the various items of

clothing which Christy tosses to her.

CHRISTY (O.S.)

How about a robe? One of those big

terry cloth jobs, with like embroidery on

the pocket. "Guest of St. Katherine's"

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Would you like that?

Mother Superior takes Christy's skirt and blouse, and

tosses them down a chute marked "INCINERATOR."

CHRISTY (O.S.)

You should hand-wash that blouse, and

send somebody out for some things. I

look good in reds, purples, hot pink --

and shoes. Five-inch heels. F***-me

pumps. Oh, man -- sorry. 'Scuse my

mouth.

Mother Superior carries Christy's lacy bra at the end of a

ruler; it goes down the incinerator.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Excused. Open the cabinet to your left.

You will find appropriate attire.

CHRISTY (O.S.)

Can do.

INT. CHAPEL

A group of nuns are praying, their heads bowed. They hear

a muffled SCREAM, from elsewhere in the convent. They look

up, puzzled.

Page 26.

INT. CONVENT CHANGING ROOM

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