Sixteen Candles

[ Radio Announcer ]

It looks good.

On the northwest toll,

eastbound trafflc is moving

nicely this morning...

from Beecham Road

down to River Road.

Westbound, there's now a 20-car

backup at the Devon Avenue toll.

And on the northbound l-290

extension at Thorndale Avenue,

we had a spinout there.

And that car was blocking

the right-hand lane...

and also blocking the lane

that's coming off of the, uh,

eastbound Thorndale Avenue

entrance ramp...

leading to the northbound,

uh, l-290 extension.

- This was causing a backup

to Irving Park. We have...

- [ Paper Bangs Door ]

[ Alarm Blaring ]

Come on, chop-chop.

We got relatives

invading this afternoon.

Ginny, Mike, Sara, Sam!

Come on. Everybody up!

"[ Loud Rock ]

Oh, I think

I have a fever.

You don't have

a fever.

Shut your face.

Make me.

[ Phone Ringing ]

Dad,

Mike hit me!

[ Mike ] You liar.

Mike, come on, pal.

We got a wedding tomorrow.

Try to cooperate,

will ya?

Dad, I didn't hit her.

I'd like to very much,

and I probably will later,

but gimme a break.

You know my method.

I don't hit her when

you're just down the hall.

Pick on someone

your own size.

Open this door.

Daddy, I'm the one

getting married.

[ Dad ]

Not until tomorrow. I've got

a mouthful of toothpaste.

I happen to have

a serious problem.

Dad.

She got her period.

Should make for

an interesting honeymoon, huh?

- Where are you learning

that stuff?

- School.

Good. Gettin'

my money's worth.

[ Radio Announcer ]

They were fantastic. Just great.

What a great crowd.

And it was so much fun...

[ Male Singer ] 'It's a good thing

you don't have busfare '

'It would fall through the hole

in your pocket and you'd lose it '

'In the snow on the ground '

' You gotta walk into town

to flnd a job '

[ Backups ] ' That's enough '

' Tryin' to keep

your hands warm '

"[ Continues ]

Chronologically, you're 16 today.

Physically,

you're still 15.

[ Sighs ]

Hopeless.

Nope. I look exactly the same

as I have since summer.

Utterly forgettable.

No, I didn't expect

to wake up transformed.

I just thought that turning 16

would be so major...

that I'd wake up

with an improved mental state

that would show on my face.

All it shows is that I don't

have any sort of a tan left.

[ Sighs ]

I better get downstairs.

My family's probably pissed off

I haven't let them wish me

happy birthday yet.

All right.

I'll see you at school.

"[ Still Playing ]

You need four inches of bod

and a great birthday.

Where's my briefcase?

[ Mike ]

Where'd you leave it?

Don't be a smart-ass.

Okay, I'll be

a dumb-ass.

[ Sara ]

You already are.

Okay, where's Sam?

Where's

my briefcase?

Sam?

Allow me, Brenda.

Hey, birth defect!

[ Brenda ]

You missed breakfast again.

[ Dad ]

It wasn't my idea to give her

her own phone line.

[ Sara And Mike Arguing ]

[ Brenda ]

Grab a donut.

It's small.

It's brown.

It's made of leather.

It has my initials on it.

And I believe... that's it.

[ Car Horn Honking ]

Don't forget the grandparents

are coming this afternoon.

Are we still having dinner

with the Rice Chex?

Rizczechs. 8:
00 at the club.

You'd better learn their names.

As of tomorrow, they're family.

That's a lovely

thought.

Hmm.

When it comes

your turn to get married,

do me a favor. Elope.

Who'd marry her?

Mr. T.

I'm sorry, you'll have to

buy lunch today. I didn't

have time to fix your carrots.

She's only eating carrots

to increase the size

of her breasts.

Mister, you had better

shape up, or you will miss

your sister's wedding.

Promise?

Now, don't give me

that pouty look of yours.

You can eat your carrots

when you get home.

That's it?

You don't have anything else

to say to me today?

What would you like me

to say, Sam?

Come on now, honey.

You're gonna miss the bus.

Have a good day.

I can't believe this.

They f***ing

forgot my birthday.

~~

I'm sure they didn't

forget your birthday.

They just didn't

remember it right away.

Same difference.

It's a drag

your sweet 16's the day

before Ginny gets married.

But big deal.

They'll remember.

Oh, easy for you to say.

Did anyone ever forget

your birthday?

Come on, Sam.

Everything's getting shittier.

My family forgetting my birthday

just makes it more vivid.

What do you expect,

a breakfast birthday party?

No, but they could have

at least said "happy birthday."

It was just like any other day.

Why don't you remind them?

They'll feel some massive guilt.

It could be highly profitable.

I wouldn't stoop

to remind them.

Since I was about 1 2,

I've been looking forward

to my sweet 16.

You know, a big party

and a band, with tons of people.

Tons of people.

And a big Trans Am

in the driveway

with a ribbon around it.

And some incredibly gorgeous

guy that you meet in France.

And you do it on a cloud

without getting pregnant

or herpes.

I don't need the cloud.

Just a pink Trans Am

and the guy, right?

A black one.

A black guy?

A black Trans Am.

A pink guy.

[ Laughing ]

[ Bell Ringing ]

[ Together ]

Oh, no.

[ Woman ]

' To those nice, nice nights '

'I remember always always '

'I got such a fright '

'Seeing them in my dark cupboard '

' With my great big cake '

- 'lf they were me

If they were me '

- [ Yawning ]

'And I was you

And I was you '

'lf they were me

If they were me '

'And I was you

And I was you '

'lf they were me

and I was you '

' Would you have liked

a present too '

'Happy, happy birthday

in a hot bath '

' To those nice, nice nights '

'I remember always always '

'I got such a fright '

'Seeing them in my dark cupboard '

' With my great big cake '

'lf they were me

If they were me '

'And I was you

And I was you '

'lf they were me

If they were me '

'And I was you

And I was you '

'lf they were me and I was you '

[ Sighing ]

' Would you have liked

a present too '

'Happy birthday

Happy birthday '

'Happy birthday

Happy birthday '

'Happy birthday

Happy birthday '

'Happy birthday

Happy birthday '

[ Sighs ]

[ Snoring Softly ]

'Happy birthday

Happy birthday '

'Happy birthday

Happy birthday"

You swear to God,

you don't have it?

I don't know anything about it.

Jennifer Woods

gave me a sex test

during child development.

And I was supposed to

do it and pass it to you

in independent study.

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