Sixteen Candles Page #2

[ Sighing ]

I'm totally screwed.

Did you put your name on it?

[ Girl ] Hi, Sam.

Hi. No, but it was

really embarrassing.

I had to name

who I'd do it with

if I ever did it.

Who'd you name?

Jake Ryan.

Jake Ryan? He doesn't

even know you exist.

Thank you. That's

a very nice thing to say.

I'm sorry.

But Jake Ryan?

He's a senior,

and he's taken.

I mean, really taken.

I know. It was

supposed to be my ideal.

He's ideal, for sure,

but forget it.

God, I hope whoever

got the note doesn't know

it was me who wrote it.

I'd sh*t twice and die.

[ Students Chattering ]

[ Boy ] Did you see

how tragic it was?

I can't believe I'm actually gonna

consume the school hamburger.

You know, they're not that bad

since they started using meat.

What happened to

your carrots?

Oh, Brenda was busy today.

If she can't remember my birthday,

I can't expect her to remember my carrots.

[ Gasps ]

- [ Clattering ]

- What are you doing?

Jake's here.

I don't want him

to know I eat!

Do you know

Samantha Baker?

Sophomore, right?

Yeah. What do

you think of her?

I don't.

Would you ever

go out with her?

Depends on how much

you paid me.

She's not ugly.

There's nothin'

there, man.

It's not ugly.

It's just... void.

You know what I mean?

There's somethin'

about her.

I do independent study

with her. I catch her

lookin' at me a lot.

It's kinda cool, the way

she's always lookin' at me.

Maybe she's retarded.

I'm bein' serious, okay?

She looks at me like

she's in love with me.

Jake,

she's a child.

So?

So what're you

gonna do with her?

She's obviously

too young

to party serious.

Maybe I'm interested

in more than a party.

Come on, Jake. You talk

like you're hard up.

You got Caroline.

Now she's a woman.

It's unbelievable.

I swear to God, Caroline Mulford

had to flunk about nine grades.

[ Friend ]

Truly makes me ill.

[ Samantha ]

She's perfect.

Practically

impossible to cut up.

She's supposedly real sweet.

Brother's deaf, and everybody

in the world worships her.

[ Samantha ]

And she's going with Jake.

Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.

My man.

"[ Band Instruments

Practicing, Off-key ]

[ Kids Chattering ]

I loathe the bus.

[ Noise Subsides ]

[ Sighing ]

There has to be a more

dignified mode of transportation.

I hope you get a car for

your birthday, and a license.

[ Scoffs ]

Let's not hold our breath.

[ Space Guns Firing ]

[ Both Chuckle ]

[ Together ]

Score... a direct hit.

[ Together ]

On second thought.

"[ Off-key Instruments

Continue ]

"[ Kazoos Playing Brahms's

"Hungarian Dance No. 5" ]

[ Boys ] 'Hey"

[ Driver ]

Move it.

Call me, okay?

You call me first.

Tell me what happened at home.

I can tell you

right now. Nothing.

Will you quit feeling sorry

for yourself? It's bad

for your complexion!

"[ "Theme from Dragnet" ]

How's it goin'?

How's what going?

You know, things,

life, whatnot.

Life is not whatnot,

and it's none of your business.

[ Book Pages Ruffling ]

Hmm. So you goin'

to the New Faces

dance tonight, or...

That's also none

of your business.

[ Sniffing,

Clears Throat ]

Are you inhibited

about dancing in public?

I mean,

you don't have to dance.

Maybe you could just stand

there with me and my dudes

and just be you, and... -

Sounds major.

[ Sniffing ]

So, I mean,

what's the story?

I mean, you got a guy, or...

Yes, three big ones,

and they lust wimp blood.

So quit bugging me,

or I'll sic them

all over your weenie ass.

You know, I'm getting

input here that I'm reading

as relatively hostile.

I mean, it's just...

Go to hell.

Very hostile.

Come on,

what's the problem here?

I'm a boy, you're a girl.

Is there anything wrong with me

tryin' to put together some kind

of relationship between us?

Look, I know you have to go.

Just answer one question.

Yes, you're

a total fag.

[ Laughing ]

That's not the question.

[ Brakes Squealing ]

Am I turning you on?

[ Door Squeaking ]

[ Sighing ]

It's encouraging.

Very encouraging.

Yeah, uh-huh.

You know, a girl with a hat

is just so... Whew.

So vogue.

Uh, y-yeah.

[ Sniffing ]

"[ "Theme From

The Twilight Zone" ]

[ Man ] Where are my blue socks,

Dorothy?

[ Dorothy ] You mean you didn't pack them?

Oh, not again, Howard.

Can't I trust you

to do anything?

Do you expect me to do

all the packing?

Well, at least

I brought this for you. It...

Sam.

[ Sighing ]

Samantha.

Look.

Oh, look.

- Hi!

- Hi!

Oh, God.

[ Laughing ]

Oh, sweetheart!

My goodness, are you

a sight for sore eyes.

[ Kissing ]

[ Laughing ]

Oh, good!

Just look. How are you,

my little lamb chop?

Hello!

I'm fine, Grandpa.

- How are you guys?

- Oh, pretty good. Of course,

I get lower back pain.

Oh, my corns are killing me.

My arthritis in my fingers

bothers me quite a bit...

So are you, uh...

You're sleeping up here?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Your grandfather Fred

jumped our claim on Sara's room.

So here we are up here.

Well, I haven't seen you in a while.

Do I look any older today?

Oh, no, no.

I wouldn't say so.

Do you think so?

[ Dorothy ]

No. Oh, I hope

it isn't cold tomorrow.

You know Ginny.

It's not gonna be cold.

She'll refuse to wear a coat

over her wedding dress.

If she does,

you mustn't bug her...

I'm not gonna bug her...

I'm gonna go set

myself up in Mike's room.

So I'll see you guys later.

- [ Dorothy ]

Okay, sweetheart.

- Look, there she goes.

Your grandpa and I

are looking forward to

a nice, long visit with you.

Aces.

[ Howard ]

We certainly are.

[ Laughing ]

See you a little later, darling.

We've got a lot to...

[ Sighing ]

I swear to God,

this has got to be a joke.

Grandparents forgetting

a birthday?

They live for that sh*t.

[ Toilet Flushing ]

~ With my arms around you ~~

Well, well, if it isn't

Sammy Baker...

Davis, Junior.

[ Chortling ]

Hi, Grandpa.

Oh, I've got one

for ya.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Who.

Who, who?

Helen, we've got an owl

out here in the hall.

[ Chortling ]

Oh, Fred, Fred,

leave her alone.

You'll make her

tinkle.

Oh, come on, Helen.

Oh, Sam, let me

look at you.

Oh.

Fred, she's gotten

her boobies.

[ Fred Chortling ]

I'd better go get

my magnifying glass.

Oh, and they are

so perky!

[ Sighs ]

I can't believe my grandmother

actually felt me up.

[ Gong Clangs ]

What's happenin',

hot stuff?

His name is

Long Duk Dong.

[ Gong Clangs ]

What?

Long Duk Dong.

He came down with

Grandma and Grandpa Baker.

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