Skating to New York Page #5

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Hey, Art, I got hats and hot packs

in that back pocket.

Get the other sleeve.

Jimmy, give me a hand here. Come on.

There's no pants in here, man.

- Knee warmers in the back pocket...

- No, no. I found it. I found it.

Let's get you warm. Yes, thank you.

I got a hoodie when you guys are ready.

Jimmy. Okay.

- Here you go.

- Here, put these on his back.

Come on, come on! Good, good.

Okay, thanks.

- Does anyone have a coat?

- His jacket. Here.

Casey.

Thank you.

- We got to warm him up.

- He's got to be warm by now though, right?

No, his core temperature's dropping.

His body's giving up on his extremities

in order to save his vital organs.

Here, get his skates off.

You'll be okay.

Are you okay?

- I got them. I got them.

- There.

It's okay. You're okay.

Hypothermia's going

to set in any second.

We got to get him to shore

as soon as we can, man.

You're going to be okay.

You're going to be okay.

- It's going to be fine.

- No, no, no. It's okay.

Right skate first.

Get him up.

Over here! Come on! Over here!

- Help us!

- Hey!

Will you please help us?

Having a nice day, fellas?

- My brother fell in the lake.

- We need to get him someplace warm.

Dude, awesome truck.

Well, is there a...

is there a sign up top that says

"chump taxi service"?

Please! He's freezing!

Oh, dude, come on, man!

You're not even going to help us?

- He's going to die if you don't help!

- Come on, man!

Iceman's the name. Get in.

There's room for three of you in the cab.

The other two, up back.

Jimmy and Boney,

why don't you guys go in the back?

Better make sure frosty the snowman

doesn't drip all over the place.

Rudy, we're going to get you warm.

It's going to be fine.

Careful with the stiletto heels there.

Just got new mats.

- Okay.

- You okay?

- How come we had to get in the back?

- Watch out. It's slippery.

Help me up.

That's bullshit.

Hey, do you mind

if we turn the heat a little?

Guys. Geez, man, it's already

a sweatbox in here,

but hey, whatever lifts your skirt.

I'm cranking it up to the top.

So...

Where you dudes coming from?

Canada.

Oh. Canucks?

It's... it's a long way from home.

Yeah. Actually, we're going to New York.

It's tricky traveling out here,

especially when you're riding on nothing

but a couple butter knives

on shoes, right?

It's a big skating rink, but...

I guess you guys probably know

the best route back to Canada.

Yeah.

- We're going to New York, aren't we?

- Oh, yeah.

I don't think we're headed

to New York anymore.

- What do you mean?

- I'm pretty sure we never turned around.

You sure, Jimmy? You've got

to be absolutely positive, man.

I'm telling you, man.

We're headed back to Canada.

- I'm riding shotgun.

- Holy sh*t, dude.

Hey, excuse me?

Listen, we really appreciate

the ride and everything,

but you can just drop us off here.

We think we're going the wrong way.

- Hey!

- Hey!

- Guys, we're going the wrong way!

- Casey!

You've got to turn the truck around!

We're headed towards the gap!

- I think we're going the wrong way.

- Ask any number of people, skippy.

I went the wrong way... a long time ago.

Dude, there's a huge-ass crack that way.

We're going to die.

- Turn this goddamn truck around, man!

- Sit down.

Really, I think we've

been this way before.

I bet you know all kinds of coves and little

hideaways across the Canadian side.

Get down. Get down!

- Hey, Jimmy, check it out.

- What is that stuff?

- They're smugglers.

- What do we do? Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My grandfather

did it for years. Trust me.

- Sh*t! What are we going to do?

- I don't know. I don't know.

Casey, look.

I think this guy wants you to pull over.

Well, I want to be chilling

in a hot tub with Jennifer Lopez.

Don't mean it's going to happen.

- Whoa! What the hell, man?

- Oh, sh*t!

Whoa! Stop, man!

- You need to pull over!

- Shut your mouth.

Sorry!

Hey!

- Throw them over. Start throwing them over.

- Hey, iceman!

We're throwing your cigarettes over!

- Hey!

- Yeah, money!

- Oh, what the...

- Iceman!

It's my fault.

I got us into this crazy sh*t.

Nobody forced anybody. We all wanted to.

Let's get out of here.

Get him out, quick.

- Casey.

- Hey!

Let's get the hell out of here, guys.

- You guys okay?

- Yeah.

- Where are we?

- What the hell happened, man?

Casey grabbed the wheel.

New York's that way.

Hey!

Can't believe you did that, Case.

That's awesome.

Piece of crap.

Almost there, man. Almost there.

I'm so done.

No, you're not, a**hole.

One foot in front of the other. Come on.

- I don't think I can.

- Yeah, you can.

Get your head in the game.

Okay? Everyone, we're almost there!

Come on!

- Oh, we did it!

- We got here, guys!

- What are the odds?

- New York!

- New York.

- Land! Land!

I'm not getting back on that lake.

I've never been so happy

to see a lighthouse.

I'm getting a New York steak.

- I can't believe it.

- Coney Island dog.

- That and buffalo wings.

- And a Philly cheese steak.

Philly cheese steak?

Philly is not in New York.

- I don't care. I'm just getting one.

- You guys are awesome.

This is so much better

in front of the fire.

It's good to be inside finally.

Ain't that the prettiest thing

you've ever seen?

- One, two, three.

- What's up?

Great. Good one. How you guys doing?

Looks like you had a hard day.

Can I get you something to drink?

- Oh, please do.

- Yes, please.

- Yeah. We just skated all the way from...

- Shut the hell up.

Yeah, I'll get a Long Island

iced tea, please.

A Long Island iced tea. Fine choice.

And I'll have you

with extra whipped cream.

You're not appropriate, but I like it anyway.

Anybody else? Something?

Dude, iced, seriously? Come on, we've been

on ice all day. Get something warm.

- Irish coffee? Irish coffee?

- I like that. A round of Irish coffees.

Irish coffees. It's my favorite drink.

No way. They're, like, my favorite, too.

We have so much in common.

- Oh, my God.

- So good.

We are made for each other.

Okay, I'll be back.

God, she's hot.

- Thank you.

- Damn, dude.

- She was so hitting on you.

- Was she?

- Oh, yeah, totally.

- Nice.

Dude, when that guy in the truck

just came peeling in...

- Yeah.

- What was his name?

- "You can call me...

- Iceman."

That was awesome.

His buddy in the back?

Didn't even know he was there.

Me and he were in the back. Some dude comes

out of nowhere with a double-barrel shotgun.

- Just popping rounds off.

- There was a shotgun?

I thought the car hit

the bank and backfired.

- Shotgun.

- By the way, thanks for ditching us at the gap.

Come on. Did you see me clear...

it was insane!

You should have seen us do it, though.

Dude, we couldn't find a way across.

We had to figure out a way to jump.

- How'd you guys do that, by the way?

- Whip!

- Whip!

- Not even joking.

You whipped it? No way.

I don't believe you.

- Over the gap, I swear to God.

- Seriously?

Dude, I didn't think this guy

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