Slacker Page #9

We go through a good phase, then we regress, you know.

I mean, I'm really glad you're happy.

Just be prepared. You can always be thrown on the scrap heap.

- Hey, what's up? How's it going? - Not much. All right.

- What are you guys up to tonight? - Not much. Just kind of talking.

Just kind ofhangin'out? You remember...

I was telling you about my roommate's band earlier?

Well, he had to borrow my guitar tonight, so...

I made him put me on the guest list, and I'm on the guest list.

And I could take some other people with me...

if some other people might be interested.

- Hint, hint, you know? - Do y'all wanna go?

We could maybe have a beer or-

- Sounds fun to me. - I'm not forcing you or nothing.

There's no guns involved.

You know, I'll drive.

We can go check it out. We could always go to a movie later.

- Do it, do it. - Okay, yeah.

- Great. - Cool.

Well, the problem is that we kind of have to leave now because it's starting.

- So we gotta like totally roll. - Do you have a car?

- Do I have a car? I have a van. - Okay.

- Let's go. - Let's go.

So, man, have you seen Elvis lately?

Seen Elvis lately? No.

Check it out, man. I really, honestly believe that this guy is still

alive.

And I believe that he's like, you know, living in Las Vegas or something.

'Cause, you know, if the guy's half-ass cool, you know he's like an Elvis

impersonator.

'Cause, I mean, that's kind of like some sort of spiritual hell...

to parody yourself at the height of your ridiculousness.

So the guy's gotta get up every day.

Get as fat as he was and just make fun of himself all day long.

Isn't that a killer job? Don't you think that's what all old people sort

of do?

- Once they get over 28? - Yeah, that's a cool job. Sure.

So how long have you lived here?

Uh, somewhere in the neighborhood of about six weeks.

- That's it? - Yeah, well, you know.

- I just skipped out of my old town. Been crashing on couches and sh*t. - Do you

like it here?

- I love it here except for the f***in' ants. - Ants?

Yeah, man. All the houses are f***in' infested with these f***in' ants.

- You can't leave anything out. - Not mine.

Sh*t. You should come to my house. The other day I went and bought groceries.

And I'm f***in' sittin' there. And I walk out of the room, I come back...

and we got these Cup o' Noodles, and in f***in' 10 minutes...

the ants have chewed through the Styrofoam cup.

And they're like all the way in 'em and sh*t.

And they ate my crackers. They ate the Ding Dongs, believe it or not.

The only things left are cans and jars.

We gotta put the bread and everything in the fridge.

So everything's all cold and f***in' chewy and sh*t all the time.

- Do you have a girlfriend? - No, 'cause women are from hell.

- Totally. - I don't think so.

They're sent here to make men just writhe in pain.

- No, you're wrong. - It's true.

Are you making anybody's life hell right now?

- No, not at all. - Cool.

- Not at all. - Wanna make somebody's life hell?

- No. - Okay.

- Do you know this guy? - No, do you?

No.

- I hope she appreciates this. - Yeah, he's a real charmer.

Really.

I'm just saying show me a woman that hates her dad...

and wants to take it out on every man ever born...

and I'll end up with her somehow.

Well, you picked the wrong night for that.

Geez, you are no fun, huh?

This band's gonna be great.

- This band's gonna be great? I hope so. - Yeah, check it out. You're gonna

love this.

- These are friends of yours then? - Friends? Friends is not the word.

- Brothers of yours? - These are my homeboys.

I love to drive. Yo, lock it up, because all my really important stuff is

in here.

This is my spot. They keep this here for me all the time.

- Really? - Yeah, check it out. Pretty hip, huh?

They like me here, you know. 'Cause I'm in, like, tight, you know.

Tight.

- What's up, dude? I'm on the guest list. - Three dollars.

The name's Steve. S-T-E-V-E.

- Steve plus three or four. - Sorry, Steve. Don't see you.

Dude, you might wanna check again, 'cause that's my roommate's band.

- I'm supposed to be on the list. - You're not on the list.

- Is there a problem? - F***. I'm not on the list.

- Figures. - I'm supposed to be.

- You wanna go in? - Okay.

I feel like hanging out outside.

- Are you going in? - Yeah.

- What are you gonna do? - Uh, I don't know.

I might hang out outside. I might go in.

Okay, I'm gonna go in, and maybe I'll see you.

And if not, maybe I'll give you a call or something.

- All right. I might see you inside. - Have fun inside.

See you in church.

- What's up, man? - How's life?

All right. Couldn't get in. Universal sadness all around us.

- The universe is out of hand. - That sucks.

- L. Ron Hubbard is gone. - How y'all doing?

- Hi. - What's going on tonight?

Oh, my cousin's here. Rachael from Greece.

- What was your name? - Rachael.

- That's very pretty. - Thank you.

Are you enjoying yourself?

We're gonna go up to the Space. There's a performance.

Performance? That sounds like fun.

- You should come check it out. - I'm not sure what we're doing, but -

- I know what we're doing. - You do?

- Yeah, you got three bucks? - Okay, we'll see you later.

- Maybe we'll see you there? - Nice to meet you and have a good time.

Yeah, it was nice meeting you guys.

Yo, check it out. Liquor store, quarts ofbeer, three bucks. Hey.

- Hey, what's going on? - Uh, nothing.

- What's the cover? - Uh, I think it's five bucks.

But, uh, I got a stamp.

I think I can, you know, get you in or something.

See if you lick your wrist or something.

Great.

- Perfect. - All right. And Rachael...

- you need to get a stamp. - What?

- You need to get a stamp also. - You better have one.

No, man. I don't want him licking my arm.

Yeah, but we can get in free. We won't have to pay.

- Yeah, really. Yeah, it's all right. - Free?

Here, watch. It's easy. Watch.

You just do this.

- Perfect. No problem. - All right.

- We can get in free. - Thanks.

Sure. No problem.

- Five-dollar cover. - I got a stamp.

- Hey, Kelly. Nice shoes. - Hey, what is that?

Oh, it's my PixelVision camera. It's for a project I'm putting together.

Hey, I'll tell you what. Why don't one of you take it?

Shoot whatever you want.

Pass it around and we'll see what we come up with later on, okay?

But I want my camera back, all right?

That's because they could f*** and think at the same time.

So history buried 'em.

It buries every young truth with balls that comes along.

I mean, look at Italo Balbo...

Christopher Maclaine, Richard Farina, Pierre Landais, Johnny Ace...

- Let's get the f*** out ofhere. - They never had a chance.

The reason these guys are being forgotten is they're not Freemasons.

The Masons are the ones that control history.

Look, every president but one, a Mason.

Every man that's walked on the moon, 33rd-degree Mason.

And look at the Warren Commission, a Shriner convention without

go-carts.

Exactly. The slate of American history needs to be wiped clean.

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