Slap Shot Page #8

to jump into that fight

with Tim "Dr Hook" McCracken.

Ned Braden's come into the booth.

Sit down.

I noticed

a slight discussion with Reg Dunlop.

What are you doing? You been benched?

Yes, a real first in my career.

I've been benched.

- Why is that?

- I won't fight.

- Well, you could play if you fought.

- Let's just say I'm chickenshit.

Ned, why would someone with your

background still be playing hockey?

- I hate my father.

- You do?

- And I was having problems at home.

- You are?

I just said I was. Primarily

sexual problems. I'm very perverse.

- Holy sh*t!

- I skate to get away from my wife!

- This is Jim Carr...

- We fight. She wants me to quit hockey.

As you may have noticed, she's the only

good-looking piece of ass in Charlestown!

She also has a drinking problem,

and I have no idea where she is.

- Gimme that damn mike!

- Why do you wear that rug?

It's just sensationally ugly.

You're going bald.

Can't you face up to that?

Well, at least I'm not chickenshit like you!

What you're hearing is the truth!

Jim Carr got angry...

Joe McGrath here.

The boys like to horse around.

- Chickenshit bastard!

- Sod off, old fart!

- I may be bald, but I'm not chickenshit.

- I wanna talk about violence.

- Chick, chick, chick!

- Gimme that!

Son! Son!

Take my guitar

Forboard and room

- Hey, Billy!

Well, you're gonna be set, Lily.

Taking your destiny by the throat.

You're in the driver's seat.

You're not having

second thoughts about this, are you?

Sometimes I think I get it.

Sometimes I think it's horseshit.

Well, to doubt is human.

You stick with Reg. I'm on a roll.

- Bye, Francine. Come back and see us.

- I will. Thank you, Mrs Vincent.

You're gonna need

another 10 or 15 minutes.

- Hiya.

- Hi.

This is Lily Braden, Ned Braden's wife.

Well, actually she's... she's on waivers.

Listen, she's in the market

for a perm and I said to her

"Hey, there's no one better

than old Francine."

- Well, I don't think...

- For the works. I'm buyin'.

- I'll pay you back tomorrow.

- No, that's not the problem.

You see, the problem is...

I never laid a hand on her.

It was just a kid.

Listen, it's a pathetic story. It's pathetic.

You look terrific.

Be careful, girls.

- There's TVRadio Mirror, Modern Screen.

- You were married to him?

For about a hundred years. It's all over.

He's completely off his rocker.

- I left my husband, too.

- Really?

I'm only halfway out the revolving door,

know what I mean?

Oh, it's lousy at first. You think

you're dying. But then it's fabulous.

- I mean, you become a new woman.

- Yeah.

You know, Reggie told me

you've gotten terrific since you left him.

He said that?

Well, you know what

you have to do for yourself?

You have to get out there and circulate.

I mean, you just can't sink into it. You

have to get out there on the firing line.

- Oh, my God.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Really. It's not bad. Look.

If you did your cheekbones better,

you could look like Cher.

Huh?

- Amy, take this in the house.

- Hello there.

Hiya. I'm Reg Dunlop. The Chiefs?

I came to see your husband.

Oh, yes? I'm Anita McCambridge.

How do you do?

- Hi.

- You think you can help with these?

- Uh, yeah.

- Mom, I'm late, I gotta go.

Michael, stay in the yard, put your jacket

on and carry one of these in first.

Where's your husband?

He's in puppy heaven.

I own the Chiefs.

This way.

- What can I get you to drink?

- Canadian Club and water.

- Nice place you've got here.

- Thanks.

To tell the truth,

Mrs McCambridge, the reason...

Anita.

OK, Anita.

Uh... you know, we all read

about the possibility of a sale in Florida,

and the guys are getting anxious

to find out what's going on.

- Mm-hm.

- I guess I'm their representative.

- We've been doin' real good.

- My accountant is certainly pleased.

Oh. Uh...

How is the sale goin'?

Fine.

- Oh. Good.

- You think you're gonna like Florida?

Yeah.

- Oh, you are very clever.

- What?

It's been so much fun,

waiting to see what you're gonna do next.

The articles in the paper

are very funny, that sports writer?

- Dickie Dunn?

- You've certainly got his number.

The radio interviews are fantastic,

and the Hanson brothers? Oh, my God!

Well, attendance has quadrupled.

Yes. I am in the black

for the first time in four years.

- Hey, that's great.

- I guess I owe that to you. Thank you.

You're welcome.

So, you can sell us real easy, then?

- I could probably get some interest.

- Oh, boy. That's great!

Oh, that's just great, Anita!

You know, for five months now,

I've been tryin' to prove to you,

without ever really knowing

who you were, that you were wrong,

and that we could get somebody

interested in the Chiefs.

We could sew that thing up tonight,

you know.

- We oughta cream those guys!

- That's terrific.

But I couldn't make enough of a profit

to have a sale be worthwhile.

My accountant tells me I'm better off

folding the team, taking a tax loss.

You mean,

you could sell us but you won't?

I could probably sell you.

But I can't.

Oh.

You know...

We're human beings, you know.

I have to confess that I've never let

the children watch a hockey game.

I have a theory that children

imitate what they see on a TV screen.

They see violence, they'll become violent.

They see someone stick up a bank,

they'll stick up a bank.

Heroin. You name it.

- You're f***ed.

- What?

You are totally f***ed.

You're garbage

for letting us all go down the drain.

- Are you serious?

- You could sell us. We're hot.

People go nuts for us.

You could find a buyer.

I don't think you understand finance.

Your son looks like a fag to me.

You'd better get married again,

cos he'll have somebody's cock

in his mouth before you know it.

How dare you! How dare you!

Our listeners'll be surprised to learn that

you're a soft-spoken young man, Killer.

Yes, I am.

I was watching some kids

play hockey the other day,

five- and six-year-olds, little mites.

One kid said "I'm Killer Carlson."

He picked up his little stick,

and he creamed that other kid.

How do you feel about that, Dave?

Well, Jim, the way I see it is, the kid

probably would've done it anyway.

Bad upbringing in the home.

- That's very interesting.

- Can I be serious for a minute?

By all means.

I'djust like to say that,

no matterhow the game turns out tonight,

I owe all that I am

to our coach, Reg Dunlop.

He's had the greatest influence on me,

aside ofcourse from the Swami Baha,

whose positive-thinking records

have been a tremendous help.

- Positive-thinking records?

- Yeah.

You can get 'em

in any religious record store.

And I know that thousands of people

in Charlestown have lost their jobs,

you know, with the mill closing and all.

I see 'em walking around the streets

depressed all the time.

Well, I just wanna say to all you

unemployed folks out there,

you can get a new lease on life

with these records.

Nothing'll botheryou any more.

You can go and clobber

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