Sleuth Page #7

- Yeah.

I've often wondered.

I can't say I care for it all that much, sir.

Tastes like fish eggs.

Fancy. Now, let me take that nasty

taste away with a splendid brandy.

Do follow me, won't you, Inspector ?

These old antiques, sir--

very interesting, sir.

You have, uh, quite a collection of toys.

Automata, Inspector, and they all work.

I wouldn't have thought there's much

point in having 'em if they didn't, sir.

And now, as the cliche has it,

what can I do for you, Inspector ?

I am investigating the disappearance...

of a Mr. Milo Tindle.

Do you know him, sir ?

Vaguely.

He walked out of his cottage

late last friday afternoon,

and hasn't been seen since.

Really, I'm afraid I'm

not very much interested...

in the migratory habits of hairdressers.

So you do know the gentleman then, sir ?

Well, I know his profession.

I think my wife has mentioned

he had a shop in london.

When did you last see Mr. Tindle, sir ?

Oh, some months ago.

I wouldn't remember exactly.

- I'd have no reason to, really.

- That doesn't quite accord

with our information.

I wonder if you could put some water

in this brandy for me, please, sir.

In fact, two nights ago,

he told Jack Benn,

the licensee at the white lion,

he was on his way up to see you.

Barmen are notorious opponents

of exactitude, Inspector.

Vinous gossip is their stock and trade.

"Vinous" as pertaining to wine, I assume, sir.

Very good.

Then I was wondering if there was something

else you could correct for me, sir.

What is that ?

The impression, gained by a man...

who happened to be passing

your house on friday night,

that shots were fired in here.

- Shots ?

- Three, our man thinks.

- Car backfire.

- Oh, no, sir.

I'm afraid that only comes in--

saving your presence, sir--

detective stories.

No, these were shots from a gun.

Our man is positive.

I see. May I ask...

why you've taken two days to come

round and ask me about all this ?

Well, sir, uh, these things...

always take a little longer...

to check out than you think.

Your local man wanted to

be sure of his facts...

before calling me in and before

troubling a gentleman like yourself.

Facts ? What facts ?

Well, after, uh, our informant...

had reported the incident,

we thought we'd, uh, better

have a word with Mr. Tindle,

see if he could throw

any light on the subject.

And could he ? The way to turn that off

is to press that stop in, Inspector.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

He wasn't at his cottage all day saturday,

nor all day today.

We must have called there

at least half a dozen times.

By Jove, sir, Merridew would

have been proud of you.

Ahh. Your detective, sir.

Oh, that's praise indeed, sir.

I'm a great fan of his Lordship.

Are you really ? Well, you must

tell me which is your favorite.

I myself have always had

a special affection for...

the Case of the Crucified Communist.

When we stepped inside Mr. Tindle's cottage...

to make sure that no harm had come to him,

we found this, sir.

"Urgent we talk.

Come on friday evening, about 6:30. Wyke."

May I ask, is this your handwriting, sir ?

- Yes, it's mine, all right.

- So Mr. Tindle was here then, sir.

- He was.

- And was there an incident two nights ago...

as a result of which shots were fired ?

Uh, in a manner of speaking.

It was a game we were playing.

Game, sir ? What kind of game ?

It's called "burglary."

Burglary is not a game, sir.

Isn't it about time you told me...

I don't know the seriousness of my position ?

A man comes here. Shots are heard.

He has disappeared.

Now, what would you make out

of that if you were me, sir ?

An open-and-shut case. But things aren't

always what they seem, Inspector.

Why, in the 'Mystery of the Drowned Dummy',

your favorite, Lord Merridew--

I am waiting for an explanation, sir.

Oh. Well,

Tindle arrived about 6:30 and left

about an hour and a half later.

- I have not seen him since.

- And nor has anyone else, sir.

Oh, but this is absurd ! You're

not suggesting I killed Tindle ?

"Killed" Tindle, sir ?

I never mentioned the word "kill."

Oh, come now, Inspector.

You can't pull that old one on me.

"Garroted, sir. May I ask how you knew...

her ladyship had been garroted ?"

"You told me so, Inspector."

"No, sir.

I never mentioned the word 'garroted.'"

I'm sorry you find us so comic, sir.

On the whole, what we do is necessary.

"You're just doing your job"

is the overworked phrase, isn't it ?

Possibly, sir. Very possibly.

"The overworked phrase." I like that.

Your wife and Mr. Tindle have been

associating closely for some time, sir.

Yes, I thought you'd know about that.

- You can't keep anything

quiet in a small village.

- Perfectly true, sir.

You're not suggesting a crime passionnel,

I do hope.

Not with Marguerite. Oh, God !

That would be like knifing somebody...

for the sake of a tablespoon

full of cold rice pudding.

I'm very partial to rice pudding, sir.

I find it a great standby.

That's perfect.

"'All of you had either the means,

motive or opportunity,'

"said Inspector Doppler,

as he thoughtfully digested...

"another spoonful of his favorite pud.

'But only one of you had all three !'"

Exactly so, sir, and that person is you.

That is divine.

Well, I suppose I'd better

tell you what happened.

- That would be helpful, sir.

- Perhaps another drink would be helpful too.

I'd love another drink, sir, but I think

you'll find that the bottle is empty.

Quite right, Inspector.

That too can be corrected.

Do come with me, won't you ?

Now, as you seem to know,

Tindle was having an affair with my wife.

Now, I belong to that rare breed of men...

who genuinely don't mind losing gracefully...

to a gentleman who plays

the game by the same rules.

But to be worsted by a flash,

crypto-italian lover boy...

who mistakes my indifference for inadequacy...

is altogether too much !

You mean, you couldn't bring yourself

to accept the situation, sir ?

Is that what you're saying ?

- I mean,

it was the situation I refused

to accept, Inspector.

Playing the game is very important to you,

is it, sir ?

Playing the game and games-playing.

Yes, Inspector.

- I'm not quite sure I see the difference, sir.

Oh, it's perfectly simple, Inspector.

Playing the game is what

every gentleman does,

but playing of particular games

is my special passion.

In a way, my whole life.

That sounds a bit sad to me, sir.

Like a child not growing up.

What's so sad about a child

playing, Inspector ?

Oh, nothing, sir, if you're a child.

Let me tell you, Inspector,

I have played games of such complexity...

that Jung and Einstein would have been proud

to have been asked to participate in them.

I have achieved flights of the mind

and flights of the psyche...

unknown in ordinary human relationships,

and I've had a very great deal...

of not-altogether-innocent fun.

Is there nothing you would

not consider a game, sir ?

Duty ? Work ? Even marriage ?

Oh, please, Inspector !

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