Slightly Single in L.A. Page #7

Because it's nothing

they've never heard before.

You are so... self centered, Drew.

There's bigger things happening

in the world...

than your stupid actor clients,

and the Nielsen ratings on the TV.

You're now officially embarrassing

everybody here. Ok?

Don't you... dare "F" ing tell me

that I'm embarrassing you, ok?

Because...

my friends think you're a douchebag.

A... nasty ass... sleazebag agent.

Drew, we don't think you're a douchebag.

Jill, come on.

That's ok. Thanks.

Oh, where you gonna go?

Are you gonna go home and masturbate?

To one of your anime porns?

Cartoons.

He made me watch animated porn.

Yeah. I'm gonna go home and masturbate!

Disgusting.

Because it's better than anything

you're giving me at home.

No, 'cause you love to masturbate.

'Cause for you, it's like having sex

with something that you love!

Yourself!

Did she just make that up?

Annie Hall. '77.

I'm going home!

Are you gonna go screw one

of your actresses?

One of your stupid, slutty...

sleep your way to the top actresses.

I think I need to go to the bathroom.

Somebody can take her home.

'Cause now she's drunk

and you're pissed off.

That's like the worst combination

for you.

I know.

Oh, just...

I'm stuck.

I'm sorry, Dale.

Jill... You don't have to be sorry.

You just got a little wasted

that's... all.

Oh, I drank too much.

I'm never drinking again.

I've heard that one before.

I don't think he wants to marry me

you guys.

And I'm getting married in three weeks.

Dale.

Don't worry about Drew right now.

Just finish blowing chunks, ok?

Why don't you go make sure

everything's ok out there.

I'll stay here with Jill.

Ok.

Listen, Hallie.

I'm really sorry.

Are we ok?

Yeah. We're ok.

I said a lot of things I didn't mean.

I'm sorry.

Jill, I'm so sorry.

Ok.

Look... what the cat dragged in.

Seven told me about your little...

surprise party.

It's your birthday

so I wanted to come out.

I'm glad you did.

Wait. Where are the girls?

Oh, my god.

I told everybody he jacks off.

To cartoons.

I am not drunk.

But I definitely am stoned.

Which usually means he's really hungry.

Did you want to come eat?

Oh, no, we'll stay.

I mean, I'll stay here.

I'll wait on the girls.

I'll stay with you.

Ok.

Oh...

Bye.

Thanks, you guys. Thank you.

Going.

Wow. Quite a night, huh?

Yeah. Some party.

Did you get your birthday dance?

I don't know.

Come on. Come on.

Oh... finally.

They're so cute.

I knew it.

I knew it.

Do you feel older?

Yes.

So when is your tour starting?

You know, we actually just had

to push it another month.

Our tour manager totally screwed it up.

She got the dates wrong.

Actually, Cece, who I think you've met.

Oh.

The blonde.

Yeah, the blonde.

At the park, and at the show.

Right.

You... you had a thing with her, right?

No. No, no.

She works with me.

She's my tour manager,

and not into guys.

But what makes you think

that I was into her?

The fact that I'm now officially

an idiot.

His lesbian tour manager?

Oh.

What's this?

It's a birthday present.

It'll bring you luck.

And I thought you could

use a little bit.

Thank you.

It's beautiful.

You're welcome.

You're not mad at me, are you?

No.

No, it's actually just the opposite.

And that's the problem.

Good night.

Don't get too attached, Dale.

Come on, Jill.

We're gonna go have a sleepover

at Dale's tonight.

Drew!

You ok?

She needs a couple glasses of water

and some sleep.

- Let's go.

- Yeah.

Come on, babe.

Ah, that's disgusting.

No.

This is definitely picture worthy.

Is that her puke bucket?

Look at... Becca's panties.

They're grannie panties.

Bowie.

He's gonna have the worst diarrhea

in the morning.

It's so weird getting older, isn't it?

Everything just... changes so fast.

Yeah, but that's supposed to be

the exciting part, isn't it?

Why haven't you ever dated Zach?

Because I never felt like I was...

good enough for him.

But you like him a lot, right?

Yeah.

And you think he's handsome.

Yeah.

And he likes that dog of yours.

Yeah. He loves Bowie.

And he's one of your best friends.

Mm-hmm.

Why don't you pursue him?

I always liked him.

I'm just not good at pursuing a guy.

HALLIE, I'm sorry if I made you feel...

jealous.

I mean, I never, never meant to.

I never even knew I did.

I guess I just feel the way you felt

with J.P., you know?

Yeah. I understand that.

The next morning as soon as she woke up

Jill took a cab straight home

to face the music.

Not knowing if that music...

would be a wedding march.

Drew.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I love you.

I really do love you.

Me, too.

Smell my hair.

Does it still smell like cigarettes?

No. It smells like Jill.

Ugh.

Wow. Look at this.

Party at our place, and it's only 9am.

Last night, she was wearing the ugliest

pair of cotton granny panties

I've ever seen in my entire life.

Oh, come on, Seven.

We all know that you have a pair

of granny panties stashed somewhere.

Please.

Shut up. They were my period panties.

Hello.

Sorry to uh, just barge in like that.

But the door was open.

Hey.

Look, I'm recruiting people

for a ride up the coast.

Who's in?

- Can't.

- Can't.

Dale?

Now don't even... begin to say no.

You're... coming with me.

You need the fresh air.

So does... Bowie.

What do you think... Bowie?

All right. Twist our arm.

Thank you.

I think he wants to go inside.

Ok.

Go in, boy. Good, dog.

Thanks. I really needed that.

Yeah. So did I. Definitely.

Look, I can I just talk to you

for a second, Dale?

Just about you and me and about us

and what's happening here.

What about us?

I don't know, I just...

I think I'm falling in love with you.

And I know that scares you, and I-

It's not gonna really-

I'm not going anywhere, Dale.

I'm not gonna die on you.

I'm not your mother, or your father.

You are so scared of anything

that's real.

And I'm right here.

And I just want to know if you

feel the same way.

You hooked up with one of

my best friends, Zach.

Wow.

Wow, I thought I understood

what was going on here.

But I guess I was just

I guess I was just totally wrong.

I can't believe you're saying that

about me.

I can't believe you don't trust me.

I just want something real.

I've been chasing you for two years

Dale.

Two years.

You know how that feels?

But I can't do it anymore.

Not if you don't feel the same way

about me.

Goodbye, Dale.

I told Zach I want something real.

And here I go screwing up the best

chance I'll ever have at something real.

What do you think I wished...

for my birthday?

It... starts with Z and ends with Ack.

And it turns out...

Zach didn't even sleep with Hallie.

And even if he had

how could I blame him?

I practically...

pushed him into Hallie's arms.

She was right.

Maybe I do play victim sometimes.

Everyone's been right about me.

You're afraid of a real

relationship, Dale.

I've just had a blind eye to it.

I've scared of getting hurt.

Because he's too perfect.

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