SM-rechter

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All rise for His Worship.

THE S&M JUDGE

A FlLM BY ERlK LAMENS

We believe we have demonstrated that

P*ssy Palace is a brothel, Your Honour,

and that the defendant is its manager.

The prosecution requests a conviction

for inciting prostitution.

Prosecutor Versandt,

may l congratulate you?

The defendant hired the best solicitor,

but you have furnished proof

that leaves me no choice but to convict.

Then again, l've been doing this job

for 18 years now.

The court calls Officer Van Durmen.

There are five brothels within 200 m

of each other on Mechelsesteenweg.

Why did you only report

the P*ssy Palace?

Who filed the report?

- Frankie.

Not Frankie De Groote, your superior?

Why did Frankie file a report?

Officer, you are under oath.

Frankie is friends with Jenny.

Jenny from 'Chez Jenny'?

- Defendant, sit down.

Mr Spaan?

- 'Chez Jenny' is a competitor.

lt's the brothel opposite my client's.

The source is irrelevant.

The evidence is conclusive.

We either convict all or none.

Everyone is equal under the law.

The court judges each case separately.

- Not my court.

There's no room in my court

for nepotism.

Officer Van Durmen, look at this file.

D'you have any idea how much this costs?

Get out of my court. Get out.

Come on. Go!

The court acquits the defendant.

lt's over.

Prosecutor.

Next time you bring a case like this

to an already overloaded court,

l'd like you to think carefully first.

l can't sleep.

- Come in.

Come on then.

Magda. Magda.

Can you pick lris up from school?

l've got a lot of work after court.

Fred and lrne are coming to play bridge

so that'll relax you. You're cooking.

Magda, come on. Come on, get up.

You're picking lris up and

doing the cooking. Come on, please.

Good morning, darling.

- Good morning.

Mum is a bit tired.

Come on, l'll make breakfast.

Go and sit at the table.

Why don't you take a shower?

OK, well, despite our strong case...

COURT PRESlDEN BUSY

Fred, l would...

- One moment. Koen, please come in.

Excuse me.

- No problem.

This is Guido De Wolf, the new bailiff.

Koen Allegaerts,

president of the criminal court.

Pleased to meet you.

- l'm honoured.

This afternoon l'll serve

your writ in the Van Den Abele case.

l'm off now then.

lt was a pleasure.

A real asset. Ambitious, conscientious.

Fred, the prosecutor is driving me nuts.

Can't you do anything?

We're 50,000 cases behind.

Prosecutor Versandt is too finicky.

You two never got along.

Move to the Court of Appeal.

What am l going to do there?

l can be useful here.

Not at the Court of Appeal.

- Done?

OK. Bridge tonight? What time?

- As usual, at eight.

You can expect a bottle. lt's our

Wow! Congratulations.

K & M

Hi, princess.

Where's mum?

- She's still asleep.

Didn't she pick you up?

- No.

Have you eaten?

- Crisps.

That's not real food, lris.

l'll do you something, OK?

Hey...

Magda.

Magda.

Magda.

Honey, can you give Daddy a hand?

Elke will soon be here with her parents.

- ls Elke coming too?

Hi, lris.

Hi, Uncle Fred.

Hello, lris.

- Hi, Elke.

We're going to make a movie.

- Action.

But before we begin,

l've got a surprise.

For Koen and Magda.

Here you go, honey. Fifteen years.

Well done!

Well done to us.

KOEN & MAGDA,

Magda.

lt's only champagne.

What's wrong?

- Mum, what's up?

lt's alright.

Magda, calm down. Calm down.

Mum.

- lt's alright.

Go and lie down. Come on.

Easy, easy.

- Wait, hold on. Come on.

Hold her.

Call a doctor.

- No, an ambulance.

Go and phone!

Magda. Take it easy, honey.

Hello? An ambulance. Hurry.

The Allegaerts family in Duffel...

Judge, your wife has had a nervous

breakdown and is seriously depressed.

l knew she wasn't feeling well,

but l didn't know it was this bad.

How long has she been like this?

- A few months.

Ever since she got the sack.

When was that?

- Six months ago.

She only lives at night now.

- What does she do?

Nothing, really. She wanted to paint and

draw, but she just watches television.

Let's keep her in observation for two

weeks. Then we'll put her on medication

and provide conventional psychotherapy.

OK?

OK. Thank you, doctor.

- No, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Don't take this too lightly.

There's a reason for this depression.

lt's bound to come out eventually

and then it may be your problem too.

So l'm to blame?

- Blame is an interesting concept.

Did you have a Catholic upbringing?

No, look, you're a couple.

So if one moves,

the other has to follow.

Do you understand?

TWO WEEKS LATER:

No peeking.

Open your eyes.

For painting, darling.

Welcome home.

Thanks, sweetie.

Tell me if you need anything, OK?

Bubbles. Champagne.

She's asleep.

Fifteen years.

l can't, Koen.

Magda, we have to...

- We have to get a divorce.

No, we have to get through this.

We just have to...

l can't.

l'll never let you go.

l'll do anything, anything you...

Anything?

- Yes, really. Anything.

What's this?

What does it have to do with us?

That's what l want.

To be tied up and dominated.

l want you to hurt me, Koen.

lt's been my fantasy for thirty years.

Thirty years?

Why didn't you tell me before?

l was afraid you'd reject me.

l'm your husband.

- l'm not normal, Koen!

Next month's agenda is overfull,

but what l can do

is schedule Versandt's lame cases

at the worst times.

But then we need to agree on...

Hello, Koen?

Are you OK?

- Yes, l'm sorry.

Do you have another suggestion?

S&M.

- What?

My wife wants me to dominate her.

Hurt her.

Hurt her?

Why does she want to be hurt?

l don't understand either.

- Just to do something wild for once?

Or really...

- No, it's much deeper than that.

Cognac?

lt's not allowed, is it?

Articles 392 and 398.

Assault and battery?

- Yes.

Among spouses?

That sounds a bit far-fetched.

And without any complaints

it would be a hard case to prove.

Cheers.

Fred, what's the biggest thing

your wife has ever asked of you?

A new BMW.

No, l mean in bed.

Well, Koen, once a year l am...

How shall l put this?

... Attended to orally.

As long as it's not in writing,

there's no contract.

And that once was now, this week.

And only because l promised

to hang up the curtains.

Heavy curtains too.

Sorry.

You have to hang up curtains every

now and then when you are married.

Did she tell you?

- No, l had no idea.

But she's talking.

That's the main thing right now.

You need to help me, doctor.

How can l hurt the person l love most?

Maybe she likes it.

- Likes it? How can she like it?

You see, the limbic system in our brain

secretes endorphins

in response to pain stimuli.

They're a natural drug that fights pain

and also makes you feel euphoric.

Some people produce more than others.

- And that would mean

that pain is pleasant for those people?

- Yes.

What do you call that?

A Bloody Mary.

Sometimes a Bloody Mary Rose.

ls it nice?

OK?

- Yes.

Honey, l can't do it.

Koen, please. l want it.

OK. Ready?

- Yes.

More?

- More, yes.

More.

- OK?

Sorry.

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