Smitty Page #2

to find his owner.

There's four million acres

of farm land in Iowa, good luck.

Hey, Jack.

Smitty.

Need a dog collar

and a leash.

(Door opening)

Who's that?

My Grandson, Ben.

Ben, this is Mr. Smith.

But my friends

call me "Smitty".

Smitty.

You call him

"Mr. Smith".

Mr. Smith.

Come here.

Give me five.

Whoa!

Hey, hey.

I like this kid.

There you go.

We'll need

a nametag too.

What you gonna name him?

Huh?

What do you want

to name him?

You know what,

I don't even want this dog.

You're the one

who made me get him,

so you should name him.

Fine.

This will be his name until you

come up with something better.

Dog?

D.O.G.

This straight?

Uh, no, no, no, no.

That is

a genuine antique.

What!

Pick up the stuff, kid.

Dog.

I think I got carpal tunnel

syndrome in the feet.

Can you get carpal tunnel

syndrome in the feet?

Um, no, you can't,

but what you got

is plantar fasciitis.

See there's a long flat ligament

on the bottom of the foot,

and when it gets

stretched improperly,

like from waitressing

all day,

it gets inflamed.

Just ice it and rest.

You'll be fine.

You're like

some kind of doctor.

No, I'm actually

like some kind of nurse.

Well, I will be, anyway.

What is...?

That is not funny.

It's not funny.

Amanda,

what is wrong with you?

I've got school, you know,

and Ben and--

Ben's with his

grandfather, right?

Right.

When was the last time

you've been on a date?

Let's see.

I don't know, you know.

Ben is 13, so--

BOTH:

Thirteen years?

All right, I like my life.

Ben and me were doing just fine.

(barking)

Stop looking at me.

You're smart, big deal.

You're not mine, I don't like

you, so stay away from me!

Time to get to work, Ben.

Dog, you're

his watchdog.

Watch him.

Don't let him slack off.

Keep him out of trouble.

Stick to him like glue.

All right?

Okay.

You can't make him follow me.

That's not fair.

Fair is at Fort Dodge.

Oh...my mom says that

all the time.

She does?

Really?

Yeah, it's stupid.

I don't even know what it means.

Of course you don't.

Let me know

when you figure it out.

Fine, he can follow me.

He's just some stupid dog.

It's not like he can tell on me.

Oh, he sure can.

He's a farm dog.

He's the eyes

in the back of my head.

(barking)

School of life, Ben.

Class is in session.

Whatever.

Did my mom have to do this

when she was my age?

Yeah, she didn't

whine about it though.

(barking)

Stupid dog.

(barking)

Good boy.

Did you feed Dog?

No.

Why not?

I'll tell you why.

'Cause I'm not his cook.

He wants food,

he can make it himself.

He's a farm dog, right?

Someone told me they were smart.

He's smarter

than some people I know.

But he don't have thumbs.

So make him dinner.

Fine.

(burping)

Come on, boy.

Good boy.

Good dog.

I got something for you.

You want it?

Oh, you know you want it.

If you want it,

all you gotta do is fetch.

Guess you're not so smart

after all, duh.

What a dumb dog.

(barking)

Come on, move!

Real silver.

I can see that.

What happened

to the nameplate?

Fell off.

Silver is worth

at least a grand.

How many times

have you been in here?

Let me tell you something.

Nothing in life

is worth anything

if you don't work for it.

I'll tell you

what I'm going to do.

I'm going

to call the police.

You got ten minutes.

You don't have to do that.

Yes, I do.

Now you got nine minutes.

It's cool, man.

We'll be back.

You got a lot

of nice things in here.

BEN:

Dog?

How did you--?

This your dog?

Not really.

Bites me and it's gonna be

the worst day of its life.

Out of my way, mutt!

(whimpering)

Hey!

I don't ever want to see you

in this place again!

You hear me?

Yeah, yeah.

Who were those guys?

They're just some kids.

They want what they want

when they want it,

and they want it now.

And they are ready

to steal for it.

Those boys

are on a road to nowhere,

and you don't

want to be on it.

Trust me.

So now, tell me, Ben,

what can I do for you?

I want to see that guitar.

Guitar?

All right, coming right up.

Beautiful Gibson.

Do you play?

No.

I want to learn though.

Whose was it?

Uh, name's on the back.

"Lightning Lihtz"?

Ben!

How did you know

where I was?

What are you doing,

Smitty?

What?

Don't what me.

You're giving him the guitar.

I'm not gonna

just give this kid a guitar.

If he wants a guitar he's going

to have to pay for the guitar.

Kid says

he wants to see a guitar.

It's a good guitar.

Let him see the guitar.

You know

what I'm talking about.

Yeah, I know

what you're talking about.

But he doesn't know what

you're talking about.

What are you talking about?

No, he doesn't know

what we're talking about.

I don't think

much about it, either.

Ain't your decision.

Look! I want it!

How much you want

for the guitar?

I'll let it go

for $700.

Pretty decent.

Pay him.

I don't have $700.

Didn't your mama

leave you with some money?

Yeah. Twenty bucks

for the whole summer.

You're a tad light, kid.

But I want it!

So, what?

Buy it for me.

Why?

Because I want it!

(Laughing)

And you think that just because

you want something,

somebody should

give it to you?

Duh!

What kind of grandfather

are you, anyway?

What'd you say?

You missed 13 Christmases,

Easters, and birthdays.

I figured that adds up

to a lot more than $700.

Are you invoicing me?

Exactly.

Boy, you got a big mouth

for being such a little man.

If you want to know why

I missed 13 Christmases,

13 birthdays,

13 Easters.

Ask your mama.

No wonder

my mom hates you!

You're a jerk.

If I said that to my old man

when I was your age,

I wouldn't be able to sit down

for a week.

Lucky me,

I don't have a dad.

You want the guitar.

Wow, you're going to earn it.

Smitty?

I could use some help

at my place.

I could pay the kid,

uh, ten?

Eight?

Seven?

Five, five?

Five dollars an hour.

He can--

Hold on.

Are we talking the stump?

Yes, the stump.

Man, you ain't never gonna

get that stump out of there.

I'm going to finish it

this time.

I'm not one of those people who

never finish what they start.

All right, that's it.

Dog, take him out to the truck.

(Barking)

I'll see that he arrives

at your place really early.

I know you will.

Uh-oh,

your boyfriend is back.

Just ask Maureen to seat him

in your section.

Oh, now he's going to pretend

to look at the menus

while looking for you.

Uh, here comes the smile.

How did you know

he was going to do that?

He does it every time

he comes in.

There are, like,

50 better restaurants

within two blocks of this place,

but he's here every day.

You take my table, Stevie.

Sure, he's cute.

Uh, you find another guy.

Here's how it's going to go.

I'm going to order

30 minutes' worth of food.

Okay. Yeah.

All right?

That should give you

enough time

to work up the guts to ask out

the pretty waitress.

Your waitress

will be right over.

All right, here she comes.

Show time, tiger.

Could we just not with

the tiger thing, please.

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