Smokey and the Bandit Page #3

Bandit is on the C.B.

BANDIT:

(into mike)

Hot Pants, I got no choice. I gotta

make a run to Texarkana. Over.

WOMAN'S VOICE

(over CB)

But you been promising to take me

for three weeks.

BANDIT:

(into mike)

Baby, I...

MALE VOICE:

(over CB)

Break. Break.

WOMAN'S VOICE

(over CB)

Yeah, breaker; come on.

MALE VOICE:

(over CB)

Hot Pants, this here is Sugar Man.

I'll take you to the show tonight.

Pick you up at seven. How am I hitting

you?

WOMAN'S VOICE

(over CB)

Bull's-eye, Sugar Man. Bandit?

BANDIT:

(into mike)

Yeah?

WOMAN'S VOICE

(over CB)

Go sit on a cold carrot.

Bandit looks at the mike and we:

CUT TO:

RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY

Bandit's truck pulls to a stop in front of a small white

clapboard house.

CUT TO:

A FEW MINUTES LATER - INSIDE THE HOUSE

Most of the furniture is old and what isn't, is covered with

plastic. No fancy carpets or objects d'art. On the coffee

table is an open, colorfully illustrated Bible. A blonde

wood television set sits in a corner of the room. There are

a lot of toy trucks lying around and over the mantel is an

oil painting of a fancy eighteen-wheeler with an epitaph

under it reading: "I'd rather be a truck driver, than be a

millionaire..."

Bandit is trying to get into the bedroom, but his path is

being blocked by a faded Georgia beauty lost somewhere in

her thirties. Waynette Snow.

BANDIT:

(trying to get past

her)

Goddamn, Waynette; you sure do look

foxy today. If you weren't already

married, I'd...

WAYNETTE:

Don't give me that horseshit, Bandit.

You ain't seeing him.

BANDIT:

(determined)

Yes, I am.

WAYNETTE:

(equally determined)

No, you ain't.

A scrawny little Kid runs through the room, followed by an

even scrawnier mutt.

SCRAWNY KID:

Hi, Uncle Bandit.

WAYNETTE:

(turning to Kid)

He ain't your damn uncle and get

that mutt outta here. He just peed

all over my hot curlers!

Bandit takes the moment to slide past Waynette and duck into

the bedroom.

THE BEDROOM:

is dark. The venetian blinds are drawn. Bandit hurries into

the room with Waynette still hollering in the b.g.

He passes a French Provincial dresser with a small fleet of

model trucks on top and crosses to a Lump sleeping face down

on a double bed.

BANDIT:

(shaking the Lump)

Cledus.

CLEDUS:

(not moving)

No.

BANDIT:

(shaking him again)

Wake up, man; I just got us a hot

run for big bucks.

Bandit goes to the closet and begins tossing clothes onto

the bed.

CLEDUS:

(slowly rolling over)

Whadda we have to do -- kidnap the

Pope?

BANDIT (O.S.)

(from closet)

How'd you know?

He comes out of the closet with the rest of the clothes and

tosses them on the bed, then crosses to the dresser drawer

and throws a pair of socks and underwear at Cledus.

BANDIT:

Look, all we gotta do is make a run

to Texarkana...

(under his breath)

...in twenty-eight hours.

Cledus Snow slowly comes up from under the covers and we get

our first glimpse of him. He's thirty-three, but you'd never

take him for a day under forty. Trucker all the way. He's

wearing boxer shorts and an undershirt. As he reaches across

to the nightstand and puts on a pair of glasses:

CLEDUS:

Twenty-eight hours! You're outta

your gord.

BANDIT:

Is that any way to talk to your ole

partner?

(pulling back blanket)

Look, it's only nine hundred miles

each way.

CLEDUS:

(figuring quick)

That means we gotta average ninety-

four miles per.

(lying back down)

Forget it.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote