So Undercover

Oh, man.

The yellow-- the red feels

a little more like--

Oh look, is that

chamomile tea?

- What's that?

- Tofu.

- Want to eat here?

- Bean curd.

- Is this gonna f*** us up?

- Did I order this?

Cheers to a wonderful

honeymoon.

- Oh!

- Yeah.

Look who's

getting married.

It's like Chinese

Brangelina right there.

They're doing

the offerings over there.

- Yeah.

- Pretty cool. That's pretty cool.

- This is for our healthy kids.

- That's for our kids.

This is just for good will

and peace around the world.

Are you a fortune-teller?

- Oh my God.

- No way.

Get out of here.

Match you.

- We're a match.

- We're a good match?

Good luck.

So how do we

get out of here?

- I just--

- I don't know.

I'm not a big fan of all this meat stuff.

Can we just get out?

This is nuts, man.

You see this?

I know.

He's really beautiful.

- Oh my God.

- He's like a huge piata.

Will you take

a picture of us?

- Good?

- Oh my gosh, I want one of these.

How much is that?

How much?

I got five, that's it.

All right,

this is for my girl.

Doing the offering.

Such a spiritual girl.

Sorry. Sorry.

- What's up, guys?

- Look how cute these kids are.

- Ping!

- Hey!

You son of a b*tch!

Ping!

Oh, you guys

had a good time I see.

- We had a great time.

- That was so fun.

Always a good time

at Senwun during the Ghost Festival.

Very popular with young

people from America.

Ping, I got you

something.

This one's for you.

This one is for me.

We got the same shirt.

Gui yue.

- Gui yue.

- Gui yue?

Symbol of the month of ghosts.

Thank you, Mr. Yul.

Is that your size, man?

I thought you were a large.

Oh yes yes yes, large.

Perfect size. Perfect for me.

- Hey, we could be brothers.

- Brother?

Like wearing-the-same-

shirt brothers.

- Brother!

- You're retarded.

Ev-- every time

I wear the shirt,

I'll always think of you.

You know?

It's like a--

a spiritual connection.

Two souls on opposite

sides of the earth.

- You know?

- Yeah yeah.

Like, dude, we could pick a day of

the month that we both wear it.

- Ping. Here, this is for you.

- Hmm?

- Mel--

- What is this?

It's not quite as spiritual

as the ghost shirt,

- but I want you to have it.

- I cannot accept it.

- Yes, you have to.

- This is expensive wine.

I don't care, you've been

the best tour guide.

We love you so much

and we want you to have it.

Thank you, Miss Melissa.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You both have been

delightful clients.

We're so delightful,

aren't we?

But that shirt is kickin'

though, right, Ping?

I mean, that--

that's hot.

Very much kicking.

Number one kicking.

What are you

talking about?

That bottle...

was for us.

I wanted to give it to him.

Plus, you've had enough booze, okay?

- No, just a little.

- I'm nervous to meet your family.

- I don't want--

- Hey, Nai Nai's gonna love you.

What about the rest

of your family?

I don't know about

the rest of the family.

You know,

I got some aunts

and they gonna hate

your whitey ass for sure.

Great.

Would you like

a little quick one

- before we get to Nai Nai's?

- Really?

- Are you crazy?

- Crazy for love.

Get off me.

We don't usually

drink this much.

We've just been

planning this wedding

and having it and then

finally it's time

to just relax.

It's your honeymoon.

Both of you are celebrating

your new life together.

Sorry if we're obnoxious.

Don't apologize.

So do you think we're

still delightful, Ping?

Of course, Miss Melissa.

Still delightful.

How much longer

do you think?

Hour, maybe longer.

The roads in this

part of the country

is very tricky.

It's so weird because

it seems so-- so isolated

and, what, there's like

a billion people running around?

This is a big country.

Many farms to feed

all the people.

So do people really

believe that stuff

What?

The hungry ghost legend.

It's a very old

celebration,

but mostly for fun now.

But somebody

must believe it.

I mean, they wouldn't spend

so much time on the offerings

if they didn't

think it was true.

You're right.

Some people do

believe it's real.

Do you believe

in it, Ping?

Mmm.

Are we there?

No, we're not at Anxian.

Are you serious?

Why not?

I must admit I'm a bit lost

at this time, Miss Melissa.

Oh. Okay.

It's not like me at all.

But it's so dark.

And like I said before,

the road is very tricky.

This map is useless!

No use.

Don't worry.

It's-- I would be

so lost out here.

I understand.

I'm thinking, uh...

go down there

and ask for directions.

Is it okay?

- Yeah.

- Just wait here

and I'll be back

very soon.

- Miss Melissa.

- Hmm?

He's a good husband to you.

And you're

a good wife to him.

Thanks, Ping.

You're welcome.

Yul.

Yul.

F***.

Yul! Yul!

- Honey, Ping's been gone for an hour.

- We there yet?

No. I just went out

to take a pee

and there's like this weird

gonging noise outside.

God, my head is pounding.

Do you hear that?

What should we do?

What the hell is that?

- You said he went in there an hour ago?

- Yeah.

He left like an hour ago.

All right.

Hang on, hang on.

Oh God.

What are you doing?

- Let's go.

- Go where?

Find Ping.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah, come on.

- You all right?

- Yeah.

Looks deserted.

It does.

Ping!

This is definitely weird.

- Where do you think he went?

- I don't know.

Hello?

- Wei!

- Ping!

Ping!

Windows are boarded up.

Someone's been here.

This is fresh.

I mean...

- where is everybody?

- I don't know.

Oh God. Ping!

Ping! Oh no.

What are they doing

with these animals?

Look at the pigs.

This is weird.

Look at the goat.

Oh.

- Hey. It's the gong.

- Oh yeah.

Who the hell is that?

Uh, hello?

- Uh--

- Huh?

Tell him he left an hour ago

and we need to find him.

- Ping!

- What are they saying, Yul?

- Do you know?

- Uh--

- Do they want us to leave?

- I don't know.

Please, can you

help us find Ping?

I don't know.

- They keep saying the same thing.

- Okay. All right.

Yul, let's go.

I don't want to stay here.

All right, come on.

Let's go. Come on, Yul.

All right.

- These people are crazy.

- I know, I know.

Oh my God.

Oh my God, Yul.

What the f*** is this?

Oh my God.

- Be careful.

- What is this sh*t?

Dude, what the hell,

man? Who--

This is disgusting.

- Crazy motherf***er, what the hell?!

- Be quiet, Yul!

Some f***ing punks.

- Oh good, the key's here.

- Teenagers or something.

- Let's go, get in the car.

- What about Ping?

- Honey, get in the car.

- What, you just want to leave Ping here?

Yes, we leave Ping here.

Come on. Get in.

Come on.

F***. God damn.

What is this, goat blood?

- Jesus.

- Come on, work.

Mel, there's not gonna

be coverage out here.

- Can I at least try?

- Just tell me what he said.

I already told you

what he said.

He said that he was sorry and that he was

going to look for directions.

- Okay.

- Where do you think he went?

I don't know. Maybe I pissed him off

with the t-shirt stuff.

Yeah, the t-shirt

was stupid.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote