Soft Lad

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# I made a promise to the devil

# I sold my soul

for peace in heaven

# I lose my senses,

lose my sight

# I shed my skin

and sin goes with it

# I washed

these demons from my spirit

# And I can hardly

hold on to these walls

# So watch me go, go, go

Hey, it's Jules Spence.

I can't get to the phone

right now so leave a message

and I will endeavour to get back

to you as soon as possible.

Hey, it's David.

I'm coming round.

I got some new to tell you.

I'm a mess. Look, crack open

the champagne. See you soon.

Hurry up. come on!

Hang on,

I've only just got here.

- Get a move on.

- What's going on?

Can you not guess

what day it is?

Hold up, I nearly broke a heel.

Who you trying to kid

in them heels?

You can barely walk in them,

let alone run.

Shut it, softlad.

Why are we here?

- I need to tell Jules.

- What did your mum and dad say?

They're at work,

I'll tell them later.

So what you gonna do?

Are you gonna take it?

Are you a crazy psycho b*tch

or what?

Oi! Enough of your insults.

I got into the best

dance company in the country,

in the whole of Europe,

possibly even the world.

Don't get carried away.

Oh, this stupid door!

When they gonna get it fixed?

You never answered my question.

You silly cow,

of course I'm gonna take it!

What are you going to be taking?

Jules, we was...

We were just looking for you.

Now you've found me.

Not coming in?

- Drink, anyone?

- No, I'm fine, thanks.

David?

Erm... No, thank you.

So what's the new?

What are you going to be taking?

Go on! David, tell the man!

I erm... I got in.

In?

Yeah.

Bloody hell! He got

accepted into the dance company!

Ah.

Well...

Congratulations.

- Are you not happy for me?

- I just said, congratulations.

Really happy for you.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Look, erm, I'm gonna go.

- No, don't go.

I need to get ready, I've got to

do a shift at the bar tonight.

You coming with me?

Erm... No. No, you go.

Sorry.

It's OK. I'll probably

be in later for a drink.

- To celebrate?

- Yeah, to celebrate.

- Err, Stacey?

- Yeah?

Goodbye.

Yeah, bye. See you later.

Hey, honey.

What a day!

Ah, that's better.

Just what I need.

I've had emails

beeping through all day

about the new summer range.

Oh, I get to the school,

the traffic is packed

right down the high street.

When I get close enough,

there's nowhere to park.

- Hey, princess.

- Hello, Daddy.

When I finally gets in there,

they want to drag me in

for a Q and A

on how much we value the school.

I mean,

I love the place but oh...

- How was school?

- OK.

Good.

Steph, run upstairs, sweetheart,

and get changed.

Don't want to get changed.

Do as you're told, please, love.

Go and give

your Uncle David a kiss.

Oh, sorry, Jane,

I've been in my own world!

Oh, hey, Steph.

Uncle David, Mummy's taking me

to dance class today.

I'm going to be a ballet dancer

just like you.

You won't be going anywhere

if you don't go and get changed.

You're gonna be much better

than me, lovely.

I'm so proud of you.

I think we are the ones

who are proud of you.

- Who, me? What do you mean?

- Steph, go on, upstairs.

What do you mean,

what do I mean?

Erm, the job! The dance company

you've been mithering us about

for, like, the past 22 years.

- How did you know?

- I'll give you one clue.

Blonde, big b*obs,

foghorn for a mouth.

Stacey!

She shouted at me

as I was getting out of the car

on the drive.

David was just giving me

the good new as you arrived.

Congratulations, David.

Thanks, Jules.

Right, I err... I better get back

to Mum and Dad's.

Don't be silly, sweetie,

you've got to stay!

You've got to celebrate.

We've got a couple of bottles

of wine there

Jules brought back from Paris.

- Paris?

- Yeah.

He was there for work,

weren't you, love?

This is a special occasion.

It warrants a special something.

I think you're right.

The wine will be perfect

for this occasion.

Don't you think, David?

Not really up

for drinking tonight.

Won't hear it. You're staying.

I've not even told Mum and Dad.

You came to tell us first?

Well, I'm honoured.

Well, that's that, then.

I'll get Stephanie ready

for dance class.

You've got approximately three

hours to do what you need to do.

Then I want you back here

ready for a celebratory meal.

Do you hear me, young man?

Yeah, three hours, I heard.

Three hours

should be plenty of time.

Well, this is all very exciting.

Yes!

Mwah!

Why are you being like this?

- Like what?

- You know what.

You're killing me.

I came here to see you.

To tell you.

And you told me.

Why are you being like this?

David,

we're cooking you dinner!

No, my sister's

cooking me dinner.

Her husband

is providing the wine.

Imported from Paris!

From Sainsbury's, more like.

Listen, my dear boy.

You go and run your errands.

We'll speak later, OK?

- Why not now?

- You know...

Boys, I'm gonna be back

in an hour and a half or so, OK?

- Jane, can I grab a lift?

- Course you can. You ready?

I need to speak to David about

something. Wait five minutes.

- But you just said...

- Never mind what I just said.

You coming?

Coming?

I... I just need to speak to him

about something.

I want Uncle David

to come with us.

Oh, sweetheart, no.

I'm just going to talk to him

for a second. But you...

You go and have

a great ballet lesson

and we will see you later on,

OK?

- OK.

- OK.

Come on.

What the f***?

What are you like?

I've come to rescue you.

- From what, may I ask?

- Life.

I'm going to whisk you away

to a desert island

and peel grapes for you

while I suck on your toes.

Jules, please! You're

a little crazy, you know that?

Crazy for you!

What has gotten into you?

What you on? Prozac?

Valium? Can I have some?

Not seen you like this since...

Well, since when you got back

from Paris.

But no, my love, if it's sex

that you're after, we can't!

- It only takes a minute.

- Calm down, Take That!

- Oh, funny!

- No, you're funny.

We haven't had sex

for over a month and now...

About to hold a dinner party and

you're getting all frisky on me.

- No.

- It's hardly a dinner party.

Only your little gay brother

coming round for dinner.

- Jules, don't be like that!

- Like what?

Come on, quick,

get some clothes on, will you?

Well, if it isn't Carlos Acosta.

Watch your eyes there, gay boy.

Why's he being like that?

Oh, take no notice.

He's only playing.

You know what he's like.

Hmm. I thought I did.

He's just teasing you.

He's so proud of you.

We all are.

Mum and Dad had me on the phone

for, like, over half an hour.

I had to put them

on loudspeaker,

otherwise none of this

would have been finished.

They're mad.

You know, it's the first time

I actually believed

that Dad was proud of me.

Are you kidding?

He's so proud of you.

He's done nothing

but go on about you,

you and your dancing,

since the time you were Dopey

in Snow White when you were ten!

You're all insane.

- How about you?

- Mm?

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