Some Like It Hot Page #7

POLIAKOFF:

The instruments are right, but you

are not.

(into phone)

I want to speak to Mr. Morris.

JERRY:

What's wrong with us?

POLIAKOFF:

You're the wrong shape. Goodbye.

JOE:

The wrong shape? You looking for

hunchbacks or something?

POLIAKOFF:

It's not the backs that worry me.

JOE:

What kind of band is this, anyway?

POLIAKOFF:

You got to be under twenty-five --

JERRY:

We could pass for that.

POLIAKOFF:

you got to be blonde --

JERRY:

We could dye our hair.

POLIAKOFF:

-- and you got to be girls.

JERRY:

We could --

JOE:

No, we couldn't!

POLIAKOFF:

(into phone)

William Morris!

JERRY:

You mean it's a girls' band?

JOE:

Yeah, that's what he means. Good old

Nellie!

(starting toward door)

I ought to wring her neck!

POLIAKOFF:

(into phone)

Yes, I'm holding on.

JERRY:

Wait a minute, Joe. Lets talk this

over.

(to Poliakoff)

Why couldn't we do it? Last year,

when we played in that gypsy tea

room, we wore gold earrings. And you

remember when you booked us with

that Hawaiian band?

(pantomiming)

Grass skirts!

POLIAKOFF:

(to Joe)

What's with him -- he drinks?

JOE:

No. And he ain't been eating so good,

either. He's got an empty stomach

and it's gone to his head.

JERRY:

But, Joe -- three weeks in Florida!

We could borrow some clothes from

the girls in the chorus --

JOE:

You've flipped your wig!

JERRY:

Now you're talking! We pick up a

couple of second-hand wigs -- a little

padding here and there -- call

ourselves Josephine and Geraldine --

JOE:

Josephine and Geraldine!

(disgustedly)

Come on!

He drags Jerry toward the door.

POLIAKOFF:

Look, if you boys want to pick up a

little money tonight --

(they stop and turn)

At the University of Illinois they

are having -- you should excuse the

expression -- a St. Valentine's dance.

JOE:

We'll take it!

POLIAKOFF:

You got it. It's six dollars a man.

Be on the campus in Urbana at eight

o'clock --

JERRY:

(protesting)

All the way to Urbana -- for a one

night stand?

JOE:

It's twelve bucks. We can get one of

the overcoats out of hock.

POLIAKOFF:

(into phone)

Hello, Mr. Morris? This is Poliakoff,

in Chicago. Say, you wouldn't have a

couple of girl musicians available?

A sax player and a base?

JERRY:

(at the door)

Look, if William Morris doesn't come

through --

JOE:

Come on, Geraldine!

He pulls him into the outer office.

INT. POLIAKOFF'S OUTER OFFICE - DAY

Joe leads Jerry out.

JERRY:

It's a hundred miles, Joe -- it's

snowing -- how are we going to get

there?

JOE:

I'll think of something. Don't crowd

me.

NELLIE:

(brightly)

How did it go, girls?

JERRY:

We ought to wring your neck.

JOE:

Please, Jerry -- that's no way to

talk.

(turning on the charm)

Nellie baby -- what are you doing

tonight?

NELLIE:

(suspiciously)

Why?

JOE:

Because I got some plans --

NELLIE:

I'm not doing anything. I just thought

I'd go home and have some cold pizza --

JOE:

And you'll be in all evening?

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