Somnambuul

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SOMNAMBULANCE:

Autumn 1944

Eetla...

My feet are wet.

Up to here.

- What?

I'm wet.

Where are your things?

- Things. What things?

Your bag and suitcase and...

The things you had with you?

Did you leave them in the boat?

- Where was I supposed to put them.

You told me to do this.

- I told you?

I didn't tell you anything.

I wanted you to get away from here.

Did they give back the gold?

For the crossing?

- I must take off my skirt.

I'm asking you, did they give you

the money back? - Me, why me?

It was your gold,

you were the one who paid.

I didn't have time to ask

for it back, did I?

They had already pulled out

from the shore.

And you jumped into the water?

- Yes I did...

So now what?

You going to stay here?

You want to stay here?

Why should I go to Sweden?

Who's waiting for me there?

You think someone's waiting

for you here. - Of course not.

You will see...

So let me.

Let me see something,come what may.

Why are you shouting?

- You are shouting.

I am not.

I'm speaking very quietly.

I'm cold. Do you understand.

Put something on then.

Rub yourself dry

and go back to the shore.

Take it off, I don't want it.

Father!

Father!

They are gone!

This was the last boat!

I'm not going anywhere.

This was the last boat.

I don't understand anything any more.

When they come and get you...

Listen!

We will escape, I know it.

I dreamed that you

and I were going... Do you hear me?

Don't start that again.

And the boat came to meet us,

came straight at us.

We ran along the coast, you and I.

We tried to run away, but could not,

and it was still coming.

Mother said we shouldn't be afraid,

the water is warm...

We are all going for a swim now.

And she said that all dogs who

could not swim are shot dead here...

And one dog went under, stared at me,

like a human being...

Eyes full of fear.

Those dog's eyes...

I could not wait for it to drown.

The lapwings screamed like mad ...

Seemed like lapwings

but weren't really.

They were ducks

but screeched like crows...

I thought they were lapwings,

that lapwings were screaming...

Mother said

of course these are lapwings,

it's a time of mourning

after all... They too were mourning...

And I wanted to cry but couldn't...

Wanted to scream with the lapwings,

but no voice came, nothing came.

Could not breathe...

I couldn't breathe, could not and...

Do you hear me, I was choking,

I just could not stay in that boat...

Do you hear!

Eetla.

Open the door and come down.

I'm sure you want to see

how they rape me.

Rape me,

is this what you want to see?

They set the house on fi re

so you could see better. - Eetla!

I am a female, after all,

like mother was.

I heard everything you know.

- What was it this time then!

Mother was screaming.

I only remember, I remember how...

I felt... I felt...

Eetla!

- Mother screamed...

I felt

like something was growing...

Sometimes I still feel it growing

inside me, growing and growing,

growing and growing

and growing and growing and...

Eetla! - You were there too

and saw... You saw.

I saw nothing!

- You saw and you heard...

I didn't hear! - You are lying!

I didn't hear! - You are lying!

I didn't hear! - You are lying!

I didn't hear! - You are lying!

You must put on some iodine.

- Don't stare.

You are the reason we are sitting here.

Mother wanted to leave back then already.

When?

In your dream again?

Dreaming or awake,

what's the difference anyway?

None for you any more,

that's for certain.

What happened?

Where's the horse?

Where did you leave the horse,

tell me!

Did you go to the village

or what? - The shoe...

What shoe?

- Mother's shoe.

You're mad...

Can you speak Estonian?

Can you?

Do you hear me...

Have you got some papers with you

or something? Tell me!

Bloody hell!

Do you remember when uncles came here

from Sweden, with their wives...

You made your strong beer and

everybody got drunk and laughed...

So funny when everybody's

dead drunk, isn't it...

It was mother's last birthday too...

I remember how she tore white

feathers off her hands at night

and we watched her pulling all

those feathers out of her sleeves.

She was sitting on her bed

wearing her wedding dress

and she was so beautiful... Much more

beautiful than on the wedding picture...

The dress was open at the front

so her breasts were quite bare,

like she wanted to feed a baby.

You asked why she was sitting there

with her breasts showing when

there was no-one to feed...

Mother then started laughing

in such a strange way

and said it didn't really matter,

as it was all a dream anyway

and you were too stupid

to understand it...

Then I had to go to the toilet

and I saw you all sleeping

on the floor of the living room.

You and the uncles and their

wives and... Only mother was missing.

She had gone upstairs to her room,

the door was wide open

and she was lying on the bed,

stark naked, only with her shoes on.

The shoes the uncles brought

from Sweden for her birthday.

I looked at her...

Mother's skin seemed full of light...

As if a candle were in her bladder

shining through her body.

Like there's a full moon.

Only the glow came from inside mother...

It was very beautiful,

her lying there like that...

I could not help staring at her...

And I knew

there was nothing I could do...

I had to look at her, I wanted to look at

how she had spread her legs a bit.

Then mother opened her eyes and

looked at me

as if she had known all along

that I was staring at her,

and asked if I thought

she had pretty shoes on...

Christ almighty, they're here.

Get out of the way.

Wait!

When I, when I get pregnant now

by a general or two captains,

what would people say...

In Sweden...

A boat will come for me so

I can give birth in Sweden...

I must dress up for that...

Father won't come, the lighthouse is all

that matters to him... Only I have to go...

But I come back... I jump into the water

and swim to the shore

and father is very angry and

wants to know where I left my things,

why I left the gold in the boat.

And then he beats my feet all blue... He

does that to all females who come back...

That's why no-one returns. I know that.

I saw them all going. Going and going...

Every single one of them...

And I shouted at them,

wanted to know where they thought

they were going, straight into the sea...

And I thought I would never see

another human being in my life...

That I remain alone,

a virgin of a woman.

Let's go now.

Quite sensible men these were.

Said nobody will be taken away.

Only active supporters will be punished.

We aren't supporters.

We are the lighthouse keepers...

They told us

to keep watching our lighthouse...

They won't touch women...

No raping... Rapists will be shot...

This is what they said,

rapists and supporters to be shot.

Eetla!

Eetla!

Down! Down!

They burnt the boats...

They burnt the boats... I saw...

The entire sea was burning...

I was in the tower at night

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