Son of Flubber Page #11

Whether he happens to be a

scientist or an arctic explorer...

or a headhunter

or anything else,

I'm cut out to be

only one thing:
his wife.

I love him.

- Betsy, do you mean that?

- Of course she means it.

The witness is under oath to tell the truth,

the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

- Oh, Betsy.

- Your honor, I would like to inquire,

Is this a court of law

or a lonely hearts club?

The witness has been instructed to tell her

own story in her own way. Please sit down.

Your honor, will you excuse

the witness at this time?

Uh, will your honor also tell the

defense counsel to please sit down?

The defense counsel is

so instructed.

Why are we looking up at that clock

all the time? How should I know?

[ Whispering ]

sit down.

[ Betsy ] well, then I

went to Finneys to buy...

this darling midnight blue

dress that was on sale.

The defendant always said

he loved me in midnight blue.

Your honor, what does all this foofaraw

about a blue dress have to do with the case?

Uh, Mrs. Brainard,

does all this, uh, foofaraw...

have any bearing on the

disposition of the case?

- You bet, your honor.

- I don't believe it.

The prosecution will have

an opportunity to cross-Examine.

That is, if you don't mind

wasting the time.

Gangway! Hey, gangway.

Gangway, everybody! Gangway!

Ooh! [ Giggles ] gangway!

[ Crowd murmuring ]

Excuse me, please. Uh, but,

Mrs. Brainard, please...

[ pounds gavel ]

professor Brainard,

[ Gavel pounding ]

I don't wish to pry,

But would you kindly

divulge your intentions?

The court is waiting.

I'm sorry, your honor. May I ask that

this witness be recalled to testify for me?

- Very well.

- Objection!

Your honor, the case is

ready for summation.

Must we subject ourselves to irrelevant

testimony trumped up by the defense?

The witness is qualified.

If I recall, he testified in behalf

of the prosecution two days ago.

But your honor...

do you wish to challenge the

integrity of your own witness?

Down, down!

- Now, sir, we know who you are.

- Oh, yes. I'm a. J. Allen.

I'm the county agricultural

agent, that's who I am.

Now, Mr. Allen, day before

yesterday, you testified...

that the rays with which I bombarded

the atmosphere seemed to have...

a peculiar effect on the flowers, crops

and vegetation of so forth around here.

Is that right? Oh, yes, yes.

I said that. I certainly did.

And you were very upset. Oh, I was

extremely upset, yes. [ Chuckles ]

So much so that you decided to

investigate the matter thoroughly.

Oh, certainly. I'm dedicated

to my work, you know.

And you've come here today to make

a complete report on your findings.

Well, I didn't come here

to toast marshmallows...

...you know. No. Now, Mr. Allen...

first, would you mind telling us about the

soil conditions here in Medfield county?

Well, it's no secret,

goodness knows.

Medfield county has the thinnest,

rockiest, wore-Out, farmed-Out,

Pooped-Out soil in the

whole state; it's pitiful!

I've been so ashamed.

[ Chuckles ]

- It's not much good for growing things.

- Growing things!

Professor, you want me

to show you something?

Wait, Ill show you something.

Wait a minute.

Do you know what that poor

thing is? That is an ear of corn.

That's what we've been growing

around here. Do you mind...

watching that,

your honor?

Growing things!

My goodness!

That's a radish.

A radish!

You wouldn't get a respectable

burp out of a dozen of 'em.

If you want to see something

really miserable, [ laughs ]

I have a rutabaga here

someplace...

I know I had it when I

left home. Somebody put...

The rutabaga. Where's the rutabaga?

It's around here somewhere...

Uh, th-That's fine,

Mr. Allen. Thank you.

Now, would you tell us, have

you noticed any change recently?

Have I noticed any change? Why,

professor, you don't know what's going on!

All over Medfield county things

are growing up like crazy!

Why, everywhere I look, everything

is suddenly all fertiled up!

Mr. Allen, would you say it might have

something to do with what the prosecutor...

has been calling

"flubber fallout"?

Oh, I don't... he can

call it anything he wants.

Personally, professor, I think

that you've invented... [ stammers ]

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

You might call it "dry rain. "

Dry wh?T [ Allen ] dry rain.

I just thought of it

just this minute.

That's exactly what it is.

I don't believe Ive

ever heard of dry rain.

Is it anything like

taking a dry bath,

Or going for

a dry canoe ride?

[ Spectators laugh ]

[ laughing ] no, no.

Actually, it's more like

guzzling a dry martini, you know.

It's very stimulating.

[ Chuckles ]

You see, professor Brainards

rays must have combined...

with massive amounts of nitrogen

out in the atmosphere, see?

And it came "shoomping" right down in

front of our eyes, but we never saw it.

Why, for all we know, it might be

dry-Raining right down in this courtroom...

this very minute, fertilizing

everything in sight!

You can't tell, you know.

[ Chuckles ]

Do you expect this court to believe all

this mumbo jumbo? Can you substantiate it?

[ Laughing ]

oh, my goodness!

I thought he'd

never ask me!

[ Laughs ] boys, bring

in the substantiation.

Will you, please?

Yes, sir!

[ Crowd murmuring ]

come on! Bring it in!

[ Crowd chattering ]

That's right, boys! Just

put it up there on the bench!

Look at those carrots, judge!

I tell you, a rabbit couldn't...

[ all chattering ]

Boys! Boys!

Order!

Don't push!

Keep it dignified!

Well, don't just sit there.

Do something!

Your wife says

to get home right away.

A summer squash just rolled off the vine

next door and smashed your sports car!

The jurors will please

sit down! Order!

Thank you very, very,

very much, judge.

You should try some of this walnut.

It's off my own tree, you know.

That's a walnut?

Oh, yes, yes.

Your honor, this is

outrageous! I leave it to you...

smart move.

Case dismissed.

[ Crowd cheers ]

that isn't what I meant!

[ playing march ]

Come on, pop.

Don't take it so hard.

I'm not crying, you blasted

nitwit! It's these onions!

[ Cheering continues ]

[ march continues ]

Of course, I don't have anything

against science, mind you.

As a matter of fact, Im

crazy about it, but... Betsy.

Offhand, can you name one thing that science

hasn't improved upon, one way or another?

Offhand, I, I think I

can. All right. What?

Oh!

[ Laughs ]

I guess Ill have to

go along with that.

[ Beeping ]

[ Rapid beeping ]

[ Pulsing ]

[ Flubber gas burbling ]

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