Sorority Boys

The High Council|has reached a verdict --

guilty!

You taught the K. O.K.|handshake to a girl.

Dude, what were|you thinking?

Boo-la.|Boo-la. Boo-la.

Boo-la. Boo-la.

Boo-la. Boo-la.

Boo-la. Boo-la. Boo-la.|Boo-la. Boo-la.

Spence, are you done yet?|We need this...

...room for the bobsled.

Jiminy Cricket.

Goddamn it, Dave!

Mush, I say!

-- Mush!|-- Ow!

Oh, come on!

Change of plans, boys.|Someone ralphed all over|the living room.

We need to relocate.|You guys, out.

Hey, I will not tolerate|insubordination

during my ceremony.

Oh, just relax.

Look, I thought that your mask|was really scary this time.

You two "fraternity|brothers" think you can|do whatever you want

in this house,|right? Wrong.

I'm the president!

Dave?

What's that, Adam?

I think it's time|the president got laid.

Hmm.

F*** you.

Fight sexism,|support feminism!

Don't fall victim|to the antiquated|standards of femininity.

Be proud to be a woman.

Look, by going in there|tonight,

you're enabling the same|misogynistic mores

that kept women in bondage|for the past 5,000 years.

They do bondage.

Let's go.

Thanks.

Wait, if you just --

Fight fe-- sexism.

Listen, that last|girl you set me up|with was great --

really beautiful.

I'm just -- I don't know.

I guess I want someone

I can have an actual|conversation with.

Can you find that girl,|Brutus?

Go get her, boy. Go.

Fire in the hole!

It's good distance.

You're still|pulling to the right.

Who was that girl handing|out the paper thingies?

Oh, she's the|lame-ass president|of the D.O.G. house.

She's always protesting|something.

That b*tch had the nerve|to call me shallow.

God, you look so thin.

Thanks.

I don't even|remember that year, man!

I don't remember|that year either.

ls that me?

You weren't even here!

I don't r-remember|if I was...

Oh!

Ohh...

Oh, hey, there you are.

Oh, I'm sorry.|ls he bothering you?

Um...

No.

No.

You know, "a woman's face|with nature's own hand painted

has thou, the master-mistress|of my passion."

I heard you drive a Beemer.

Ahh...

Bad dog.

Um, who let the yeti in?

Ohh...

Doofer!

Doof!

What?

Come on, man,|leave her alone.

She's not bothering|anyone.

Doofer,|think of the house.

We let one dog in,|next thing you know,|we'll have three.

Okay.

Pledge!!

Pledge!!

## What'd I say ##

I'm still the dogcatcher.

Excuse me.

Dogcatcher!!

Dogcatcher?!|Whoo-hoo-hoo!

If the boys at K. O.K. want war,

then D.O.G.|will give them war!

Evelyn Wheelwright|founded this sorority

with a mission --

a mission to bring equality|and respect to all sisters.

Thanks to Patty's|heroic efforts tonight --

Wow... thank you, Patty.

...We now have actual footage

of what is going on|at a typical K.O.K. party.

See for yourselves.

Look at the degradation,|the manipulation.

And these poor Tri Pis

think that they're|having fun.

But they're actually being|exploited and objectified.

And this is going on|across the street,|day after day.

What we just all --

Direct hit.

It's big.

This...must...stop.

## It's a beautiful morning ##

## Ahh ##

## I think I'll go outside|for a while ##

## And just smile ##

## Just diggin'|some clean fresh air for ##

-- ## There's no sense|in stayin' inside ##

## If the weather's fine|and you've got the time ##

-- ## Ooh ##|-- ## It's your chance|to wake up and plan ##

## Another brand-new day ##

## Lead the way ##

## It's a beautiful morning ##

## Ahh ##

I just had|the best dream, Dave.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah...

And I never even|went to sleep.

Hey, girls.

Hi.

Ew!

So, I thought maybe we|could get together later|and do something fun.

Tri Pis are|having a barbecue.

That sounds awesome.

And after that, we could|go someplace and talk.

Okay.

The girl|was fair who went upstairs

with her favorite KOK.

She knocked around|and came back down,

and now she takes the walk!

The walk of shame --|she's not to blame.

Who could resist the KOK?

-- Smile!|-- The walk of shame,|she found her fame,

and now she takes the walk!

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.|Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.

Who could resist the KOK?

Walk of shame...

Now she takes the walk.

Oh!

Classic.

Jeez, bro...

You were cutting some|fine ass last night.

You had two,|and I had none.

I mean, I'm lucky to catch|a little runoff.

What should I do, bro?

Look, if a guy like you|wants to bring his numbers up,

you're gonna have to|bring the quality down.

-- Way down.

I hereby call to order|this emergency session

of the 32nd chapter|of Kappa Omicron Kappa.

Come on! Quiet!

Shut the f*** up!

Thank you, Big Johnson.

Gentlemen...

we are here...

to discuss...|the KOK-tail cruise.

Let me remind you

of the story of Pete Young,|K.O.K. class of '95.

Now, Pete never took|a single test.

Pete fell out of his|bedroom window twice.

Where's Pete today?

Pete is pulling down|$ 1 50k a year

all because some alum|got a little play

on the KOK-tail cruise.

Then there's the story|of the '88 KOK-tail cruise.

Those boys decided to --|to skimp on the party.

Homemade wine coolers...

...a homeless stripper...

...soft-core porn.

Needless to say,|the boys of '88

are still paying off|their student loans.

I have no regrets.

That is why|I've called this meeting.

This year's cruise|is in grave danger.

'Cause you'll be there?

Will the social committee|please rise?

Gentlemen, the brothers|standing before you

have embezzled all of your|parents' hard-earned money.

Yeah, very funny, Spencer.

The money's in the safe.|I just checked it.

Then you won't mind|showing us, then.

What the --

Okay. All right,|what the f***?|Where's the money?

Exactly.

Where is the money?

These gentlemen...

have seriously jeopardized|our futures.

Boo-la. Boo-la. Boo-la.|Boo-la. Boo-la. Boo-la.

Boo-la. Boo-la. Boo-la. Boo-la.|Boo-la. Boo-la. Boo-la.

I say|we split up the money,

and we go|our separate ways, man.

Doofer, we didn't|steal that money.

We didn't?

What just happened?

-- Maybe you left the safe open,|and we got ripped off.|-- I locked it.

-- Well, if you locked it --|-- I'm positive. Look, Spence|has the only other key.

Yeah? Well, what the f***|are we gonna do now?

-- Don't worry about it.|I'll figure it out.|-- Figure it out.

Just let me deal with my father|first, and then I'll get us|back in the house, okay?

Jesus, Dave.|You look like a mess.

Oh...well, you know|life at the house.

I remember. Things|get pretty crazy, huh?

Yeah, crazy.

Good news, son.

John Kloss, class of '54,|is coming to the|KOK-tail cruise.

I've set up|an interview for you.

Oh, that's great.

Great? lmpress John,|and he'll groom you|to be his number two.

ln 1 0 years, you could be|running the biggest

annuity and liability|brokerage in the country.

All your hard work|in college will pay off.

-- Okay, dad.|-- Boys, you all know Dave.

He's head of the K.O.K.|social committee.

He tells me|he's going to throw

the mother of all|KOK-tail cruises this year.

Yeah,|it's gonna be incredible.

It's Dave's last year|at the KOK house,

and we all know|what that means.

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