Soul Page #3

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7/17/2020 Soul Academy Draft 14.

JOE:

I’M NOT DONE!

Panicked, Joe tries PUSHING through them.

JOE:

Ahh!! Oh my goodness, oh my

goodness. Sorry! Sorry! Excuse me!

Help! I’m not done! I gotta get

back!

Finally, Joe jumps onto their heads and runs. But the Great

Beyond grows even closer. Finally he tries launching himself

off the slidewalk completely. But he SMACKS against a

cellophane-like barrier.

Just in front, souls are being zapped into the Great Beyond

by the handfuls. It’s nearly his turn!

Joe CLAWS at the barrier, screaming, desperate!

Finally he RIPS through it and falls...

EXT. THE GREAT BEFORE.

A portal opens, dropping Joe in what appears to be tall

grass. He watches as the portal closes above him.

He slowly gets up and looks around another world. Beautiful

buildings, Elysian fields and glowing crowds of strange,

fuzzy beings --NEW SOULS.

A rambunctious group of them are gathered around a COUNSELOR,

a taller, ethereal being that looks vaguely human.

The Counselor spots Joe. He quickly ducks down.

But too late.

One of the new souls finds him and pokes his face, laughing.

Joe pushes it away, but other new souls arrive, surrounding

him. One BITES him.

JOE:

Ow!

The Counselor, JERRY, appears as the new souls toss Joe into

the air happily.

COUNSELOR JERRY:

Now, now, everyone let’s give the

Mentor some room.

(MORE)

(MORE)(MORE)

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COUNSELOR JERRY:

COUNSELOR JERRYCOUNSELOR JERRY (CONT'D)

(CONT'D)(CONT'D)

(to Joe)

Sorry --new souls.

But the souls continue to crowd Joe. One pulls at his mouth.

COUNSELOR JERRY:

37, that’s enough. Hey everyone,

look here! Quiet coyote! Shh! Quiet

coyote!

Like a kindergarten teacher, Counselor Jerry holds up two

fingers. Immediately the other souls mimic her and quiet

down.

JOE:

Who are you?

COUNSELOR JERRY A

I am the coming together of all

quantized fields of the universe,

appearing in a form your feeble

human brain can comprehend.

JOE:

Wha?

COUNSELOR JERRY A

You can call me Jerry.

JOE:

Jerry. Okay. Hey, is this heaven?

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Ha ha, no!

JOE:

(cautious)

Is it... H-E-double hockey sticks?

A new soul pops up over Joe’s shoulder.

NEW SOUL:

Hell!

NEW SOULS:

Hell! Hell! Hell!

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Shhh. Quiet coyote!

(to Joe)

It’s easy to get turned around.

This isn’t the Great Beyond. It’s

the Great Before!

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JOE:

The Great Before?

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Oh, we call it the You Seminar now.

Rebranding.

Joe takes in the odd surroundings, filled with playful new

souls.

JOE:

Does this mean I’m... dead?

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Not yet. Your body’s in a holding

pattern. It’s complicated. I’ll get

you back to your group.

Jerry mutates into a bizarre, four-legged bus. The Counselor

scoops up Joe with a giant hand, setting him in a chair on

top.

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Come on, little souls! Get on up

here!

The Counselor gathers the other souls and carries them

through the strange campus. The impressionable new souls are

still infatuated with Joe even as he tries to process his

surroundings.

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Welcome to the You Seminar! You are

in for a treat!

EXT. LIMBO --ABOVE THE SLIDEWALK.

Meanwhile, a pair of Counselors are watching the deceased

souls pour from the slidewalk into The Great Beyond.

While one Counselor is another Jerry, the other is shorter,

angrier, and holds a huge ABACUS. The Counselor uses it with

lightening precision to count every soul that enters the

white light. This is TERRY, the accountant.

Suddenly, Terry stops counting.

TERRY:

Hmm. That’s weird.

COUNSELOR JERRY E

What is it?

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TERRY:

The count’s off.

COUNSELOR JERRY E

Excuse me?

TERRY:

There's a soul missing. The count’s

OFF.

COUNSELOR JERRY E

Huh.

EXT. THE YOU SEMINAR.

Jerry (in bus form) continues to walk Joe and the new souls

across campus.

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Okay, first stop is the Excitable

Pavilion. You four. In you go!

The new souls zoom into a glistening Personality Pavilion.

They emerge from the other side, now excited.

NEW SOULS:

Woohooo!

COUNSELOR JERRY A

You five, you’ll be aloof. And you

two, why not.

The new souls enter another pavilion, emerging aloof.

JOE:

W-wait a minute. This is where

personalities come from?

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Of course! Do you think people are

just born with them?

JOE:

So uh... how do they get to Earth

then?

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Well, they use the Earth Portal.

Jerry points. In the distance Joe sees a large, circular hole

in the ground. Through it, Earth beckons!

At the portal’s edge new souls jump to Earth.

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--PRIVILEGED AND CONFIDENTIAL

7/17/2020 Soul Academy Draft 18.

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Once they get a complete

personality of course...

But Joe is gone.

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Hello? Hello?

ELSEWHERE --Joe sprints towards the portal. All around him

new souls jump to Earth below as Mentors cheer them on.

MENTORS:

Congratulations! You’re going to

have a great life!

Joe JUMPS! He free-falls along with several new souls toward

the beautiful globe below, LAUGHING and CHEERING at the

thrill ride.

But as the new souls continue down towards the Earth and

disappear, Joe bounces off a weird, invisible barrier. He

careens through space and is delivered right back to the You

Seminar.

Joe tries to jump again. And again! Frustrated, he grabs a

new soul and jumps with them, hoping to sneak into Earth

behind it. But Joe is again spit back into the You Seminar.

Finally, he just stares down at the Earth, frustrated.

Counselor Jerry finds him.

COUNSELOR JERRY A

You sure get lost a lot!

EXT. MENTOR ORIENTATION TABLE.

Jerry brings Joe to where a group of older souls like him are

gathered around a table, looking for their pre-printed name

tag. These are MENTORS.

Another Counselor Jerry gives instructions:

COUNSELOR JERRY D

All righty, mentors. Just find your

name here...

The Counselor ushering Joe steps forward.

COUNSELOR JERRY A

Hello Jerry! Got a lost mentor for

you.

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COUNSELOR JERRY D

Thanks, Jerry.

JOE:

Uh look, I’m not sure I’m supposed

to be here.

COUNSELOR JERRY A

I understand. Mentoring isn’t for

everyone. You’re more than welcome

to opt out.

The Counselor opens a portal straight to The Great Beyond!

JOE:

Ah! Actually, on second thought,

you know, the mentoring sounds like

fun.

Joe quickly grabs any name tag from the table and follows the

group.

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