South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut

SINGING:

There's a bunch of birds in the sky

And some deers just went running by

Oh, the snow's pure and white

On the earth rich and brown

Just another Sunday morning

In my quiet mountain town

The sun is shining

And the grass is green

Under the three feet of snow I mean

This is the day

When it's hard to wear a frown

All the happy people stop

To say hello

- Out of my way!

- Even though the temperature's low

It's a perfect Sunday morning

In my quiet mountain town

Well, good morning, Stan.

- Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?

- A movie?

It'll be the best movie ever.

A foreign film from Canada.

- All right. But be back for supper.

- Thanks, Mom.

SINGING:

Oh, what a picture-perfect child

Just like Jesus he's tender and mild

He'd wear a smile

While he wore a thorny crown

What an angel with a heart

So sweet and sure

And a mind so open and pure

Thank God we live

In this quiet redneck mountain town

STAN:

Dude! Dude, wake up!

STAN:

Kenny, come on!

The Terrance and Phillip movie is out.

You wanna come?

Where do you think you're going?

(KENNY MUMBLES)

You have to go to church!

Well, fine.

Go ahead and miss church.

When you die and go to hell,

you can answer to Satan!

KENNY:

Okay.

STAN SINGS:
You can see your breath

Hanging in the air

You see homeless people

But you just don 't care

It's a sea of smiles

In which we'd be glad to drown

(KENNY MUMBLES)

That's right!

It's Sunday morning

In our quiet little

White-bread redneck mountain town

- Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!

- Don't kick the baby.

Kick the baby.

Ike, you broke another window!

That's a bad baby. Bad baby!

We're going to

the Terrance and Phillip movie.

Oh, my God!

Kyle, where are you going?

- We're going ice-skating.

- Take your brother.

He's not even my real brother.

He's adopted.

Do as I say!

Okay, I'm sorry.

SINGING:

Look at those frail and fragile boys

It really gets me down

The world is such a rotten place

And city life's a complete disgrace

That's why I moved to

This redneck meshuggenah

Quiet mountain town

Ike! Bad baby!

ANNOUNCER ON TV:

Brought to you by Snacky Smores...

...the fun of s 'mores in a cookie.

Mom, somebody's at the door!

- Coming, hon.

- I can't see the TV!

It's been six weeks since Saddam

Hussein was killed by wild boars...

...and the world is

glad to be rid of him.

Eric, it's your little friends.

What are you doing here?

Sweet, dude. Yes!

SINGING:

Off to the movies we shall go

Where we learn everything

That we know

'Cause the movies teach us

What our parents don 't have time to say

And this movie's gonna

Make our lives complete

- 'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet

- Super sweet.

Thank God we live in the quiet little

Redneck Podunk white trash

U. S.A.

Can I have five tickets to

Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire?

No.

What do you mean?

Asses of Fire is rated R by the

Motion Picture Association of America.

You must be accompanied

by a parent or guardian.

- Why?

- This movie has naughty language!

Next, please.

- This can't be happening.

- We have to see it.

Screw it.

It probably isn't good anyway.

Cartman, what do you mean?

You love Terrance and Phillip.

But the animation's all crappy.

Wait. I've got an idea.

Hi. I want six tickets

to Asses of Fire.

This movie may not be appropriate

for the little ones.

He says this movie

isn't appropriate for you.

Mr. Homeless Guy,

if you don't want $ 10...

...to buy a bottle of vodka,

then be my guest.

Six tickets, please.

- Let me have some candy.

- Let's see.

I don't have any Jewish candy.

Like you need

all that chocolate, fat boy!

The movie's starting.

Hooray!

Terrance, what did the Spanish priest

say to the Iranian gynecologist?

I don 't know, Phillip. What?

(FARTS)

Where do they find this stuff?

You're such a pig-f***er, Phillip.

What did he say?

Why'd you call me a pig-f***er?

Well, let's see.

First of all, you f*** pigs.

Oh, yeah.

TERRANCE:

Well, f*** my ass and call me a b*tch.

You sh*t-faced cockmaster.

Wow!

"Sh*t-faced cockmaster."

You donkey-raping sh*t-eater.

"Donkey-raping sh*t-eater."

"Donkey-raping sh*t-eater."

- You'd f*** your uncle!

- You'd f*** your uncle!

SINGING:
Shut your f***ing face

Uncle F***er

You're a cocksucking

Ass-licking Uncle F***er

Yes, it's true

Nobody fucks uncles quite like you

Shut your f***ing face

Uncle F***er

You're the one that f***ed your uncle

Uncle F***er

You don 't eat or mow the lawn

You f*** your uncle all day long

(FARTING TO MUSIC)

What's going on here?

(FARTING TO MUSIC)

- What garbage.

- What do you expect? They're Canadian.

PEOPLE SING:
Uncle F***er

Uncle F***er, Uncle F***er

Uncle F***er

Shut your f***ing face

Uncle F***er

You're a boner-biting bastard

Uncle F***er

- You're an uncle-f***er I must say

- You f***ed your uncle yesterday

Uncle F***er

That's U-N-C-L-E f*** you

Uncle F***er

Suck my balls.

- That movie was f***ing sweet!

- You bet your f***ing ass it was!

F***, I wanna be

just like them.

Wait, where's your guardian?

I knew it! You paid a homeless guy

to get you in, didn't you?

F*** off, you donkey-raping sh*t-eater.

KYLE SINGS:
Shut your f***ing face

Uncle F***er

BO YS SING:
You're an ass-licking

Ball-sucking uncle-f***er

Where have you been all day?

Nowhere. We just went to go see

the Terrance and Phillip movie.

CLYDE:

How'd you get in?

Stop crowding us,

sh*t-faced cockmasters!

Wow!

You're all ass-ramming uncle-f***ers.

Ooo!

We've got to see this movie.

Terrance and Phillip are Canadian,

just like my brother.

STAN SINGS:

There's the girl that I like

Tell about when Terrance called Phillip

a testicle-shitting rectal wart.

Now more than ever

She gives me butterflies

It makes my stomach queasy

Every time she walks by

A**hole, I'm talking to you.

I know I can be cool

If I try

Hi, Stan.

Gross!

Wendy, let us try to jump

the hilly brush.

Who are you?

Gregory. I transferred from Yardale,

where I had a 4.0 grade point average.

WEND Y:

Want to skate with us?

We've been skating all morning,

laughing and talking of memories past.

We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.

Try and catch me, Wendy.

Bye, Stan.

I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.

Who wants to touch me?

I said, who wants to f***ing touch me?

Ooo!

We gotta see the

Terrance and Phillip movie too.

I hate you, Kenny.

SINGING:
Shut your f***ing face

Uncle F***er

You're a boner-biting bastard

Uncle F***er

MR. GARRISON:

Okay, children, let's take our seats.

We have a lot to learn today.

We sure do, Mr. Hat.

Let's start the day

with a few new math problems.

What is five times two?

Don't be shy.

Just give it your best shot.

- Yes, Clyde.

- 12?

Now let's get an answer from

someone who's not a complete retard.

Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.

I think I know the answer,

Mr. Garrison.

- Shut up, fat boy!

- Don't call me fat, you f***ing Jew!

- Eric! Did you just say the F-word?

- "Jew"?

You can't say "f***" in school,

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