South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut
SINGING:
There's a bunch of birds in the sky
And some deers just went running by
Oh, the snow's pure and white
On the earth rich and brown
The sun is shining
And the grass is green
Under the three feet of snow I mean
This is the day
When it's hard to wear a frown
To say hello
- Out of my way!
- Even though the temperature's low
Well, good morning, Stan.
- Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?
- A movie?
It'll be the best movie ever.
A foreign film from Canada.
- All right. But be back for supper.
- Thanks, Mom.
SINGING:
Oh, what a picture-perfect child
Just like Jesus he's tender and mild
He'd wear a smile
While he wore a thorny crown
What an angel with a heart
So sweet and sure
And a mind so open and pure
Thank God we live
In this quiet redneck mountain town
STAN:
Dude! Dude, wake up!
STAN:
Kenny, come on!
The Terrance and Phillip movie is out.
You wanna come?
Where do you think you're going?
(KENNY MUMBLES)
You have to go to church!
Well, fine.
Go ahead and miss church.
When you die and go to hell,
you can answer to Satan!
KENNY:
Okay.
STAN SINGS:
You can see your breathHanging in the air
You see homeless people
But you just don 't care
It's a sea of smiles
In which we'd be glad to drown
(KENNY MUMBLES)
That's right!
It's Sunday morning
In our quiet little
White-bread redneck mountain town
- Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
- Don't kick the baby.
Kick the baby.
Ike, you broke another window!
That's a bad baby. Bad baby!
We're going to
the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Oh, my God!
Kyle, where are you going?
- We're going ice-skating.
- Take your brother.
He's not even my real brother.
He's adopted.
Do as I say!
Okay, I'm sorry.
SINGING:
Look at those frail and fragile boys
It really gets me down
The world is such a rotten place
And city life's a complete disgrace
That's why I moved to
This redneck meshuggenah
Quiet mountain town
Ike! Bad baby!
ANNOUNCER ON TV:
Brought to you by Snacky Smores...
...the fun of s 'mores in a cookie.
Mom, somebody's at the door!
- Coming, hon.
- I can't see the TV!
It's been six weeks since Saddam
Hussein was killed by wild boars...
...and the world is
glad to be rid of him.
Eric, it's your little friends.
What are you doing here?
Sweet, dude. Yes!
SINGING:
Where we learn everything
That we know
What our parents don 't have time to say
And this movie's gonna
Make our lives complete
- 'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet
- Super sweet.
Thank God we live in the quiet little
U. S.A.
Can I have five tickets to
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire?
No.
What do you mean?
Asses of Fire is rated R by the
Motion Picture Association of America.
You must be accompanied
by a parent or guardian.
- Why?
- This movie has naughty language!
Next, please.
- This can't be happening.
- We have to see it.
Screw it.
It probably isn't good anyway.
Cartman, what do you mean?
You love Terrance and Phillip.
But the animation's all crappy.
Wait. I've got an idea.
Hi. I want six tickets
to Asses of Fire.
This movie may not be appropriate
for the little ones.
He says this movie
isn't appropriate for you.
Mr. Homeless Guy,
if you don't want $ 10...
...to buy a bottle of vodka,
then be my guest.
Six tickets, please.
- Let me have some candy.
- Let's see.
I don't have any Jewish candy.
Like you need
all that chocolate, fat boy!
The movie's starting.
Hooray!
Terrance, what did the Spanish priest
say to the Iranian gynecologist?
I don 't know, Phillip. What?
(FARTS)
Where do they find this stuff?
You're such a pig-f***er, Phillip.
What did he say?
Why'd you call me a pig-f***er?
Well, let's see.
First of all, you f*** pigs.
Oh, yeah.
TERRANCE:
Well, f*** my ass and call me a b*tch.
You sh*t-faced cockmaster.
Wow!
"Sh*t-faced cockmaster."
You donkey-raping sh*t-eater.
"Donkey-raping sh*t-eater."
"Donkey-raping sh*t-eater."
- You'd f*** your uncle!
- You'd f*** your uncle!
SINGING:
Shut your f***ing faceUncle F***er
You're a cocksucking
Ass-licking Uncle F***er
Yes, it's true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
Shut your f***ing face
Uncle F***er
You're the one that f***ed your uncle
Uncle F***er
You don 't eat or mow the lawn
You f*** your uncle all day long
(FARTING TO MUSIC)
What's going on here?
(FARTING TO MUSIC)
- What garbage.
- What do you expect? They're Canadian.
PEOPLE SING:
Uncle F***erUncle F***er, Uncle F***er
Uncle F***er
Shut your f***ing face
Uncle F***er
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle F***er
- You're an uncle-f***er I must say
- You f***ed your uncle yesterday
Uncle F***er
That's U-N-C-L-E f*** you
Uncle F***er
Suck my balls.
- That movie was f***ing sweet!
- You bet your f***ing ass it was!
F***, I wanna be
just like them.
Wait, where's your guardian?
I knew it! You paid a homeless guy
to get you in, didn't you?
F*** off, you donkey-raping sh*t-eater.
KYLE SINGS:
Shut your f***ing faceUncle F***er
BO YS SING:
You're an ass-lickingBall-sucking uncle-f***er
Where have you been all day?
Nowhere. We just went to go see
the Terrance and Phillip movie.
CLYDE:
How'd you get in?
Stop crowding us,
sh*t-faced cockmasters!
Wow!
You're all ass-ramming uncle-f***ers.
Ooo!
We've got to see this movie.
Terrance and Phillip are Canadian,
just like my brother.
STAN SINGS:
There's the girl that I like
Tell about when Terrance called Phillip
a testicle-shitting rectal wart.
Now more than ever
She gives me butterflies
Every time she walks by
A**hole, I'm talking to you.
I know I can be cool
If I try
Hi, Stan.
Gross!
Wendy, let us try to jump
the hilly brush.
Who are you?
Gregory. I transferred from Yardale,
where I had a 4.0 grade point average.
WEND Y:
Want to skate with us?
We've been skating all morning,
laughing and talking of memories past.
We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Try and catch me, Wendy.
Bye, Stan.
I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
I said, who wants to f***ing touch me?
Ooo!
We gotta see the
Terrance and Phillip movie too.
I hate you, Kenny.
SINGING:
Shut your f***ing faceUncle F***er
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle F***er
MR. GARRISON:
Okay, children, let's take our seats.
We have a lot to learn today.
We sure do, Mr. Hat.
Let's start the day
with a few new math problems.
What is five times two?
Don't be shy.
Just give it your best shot.
- Yes, Clyde.
- 12?
Now let's get an answer from
someone who's not a complete retard.
Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.
I think I know the answer,
Mr. Garrison.
- Shut up, fat boy!
- Don't call me fat, you f***ing Jew!
- Eric! Did you just say the F-word?
- "Jew"?
You can't say "f***" in school,
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/south_park:_bigger_longer_%2526_uncut_18573>.
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