South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut Page #2

you f***ing fat ass.

- Kyle!

- Why the f*** not?

- Eric!

- You said "f***" again.

- Stanley!

- F***!

What's the big deal? It doesn't

hurt anybody. F***, fuckitty, f***.

How would you like to go see

the counselor?

How would you like to suck my balls?

What did you say?!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Actually, what I said was...

..."How would you like to suck my balls,

Mr. Garrison?"

Holy sh*t, dude.

I'm disappointed in you boys.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

I've called in your mothers...

- You called my mom?

MR. MACKEY:
That's right.

Oh, no, dude!

- Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?

- M'kay, what?

What's the big f***ing deal?

I want to know where you heard

these horrific obscenities, m'kay?

- Nowhere.

- We heard them from Mr. Garrison before.

I seriously doubt

that Mr. Garrison ever said...

..."Eat penguin sh*t,

you ass-spelunker."

Sweet.

Uh-oh!

Thank you for coming on short notice.

This isn't like you, Stanley.

What did my son say, Mr. Mackey?

Did he say the S-word?

No, it was worse than that.

The F-word?

Here's a short list of the things

they've been saying.

- Oh, dear God.

- What the heck is a rim job?

When you put your legs behind your head

and have someone lick your ass.

Tell Mr. Mackey this instant where

you heard all these horrible phrases!

We all swore ourselves to secrecy.

- The Terrance and Phillip movie.

- Dude!

I wanna get out of here.

Terrance and Phillip? Those Canadians?

Excuse me.

What is Terrance and Phillip?

Terrance and Phillip are two

very untalented actors from Canada.

Nothing but foul language

and toilet humor!

I'll send a warning to parents before

more children see Terrance and Phillip.

- Everybody's f***ing seen it.

- Eric!

I can't help myself. That movie has

warped my fragile little mind.

STAN SINGS:

There's the girl that I like

Over there laughing with that smart...

You're holding up

the goddamn lunch line!

Hello, there, children.

- Hey, Chef.

- How's it going?

- Bad.

- Why bad?

We got busted for swearing.

We can't ever see that movie again.

That's too bad.

You should've seen Kyle when

his mom showed up. He was scared.

- Shut up, Cartman!

- I'd be scared. Your mom's a b*tch.

Don't call her a b*tch,

you fat f***!

Don't call me fat,

you f***ing son of a b*tch!

Where did you learn to talk like that?

CARTMAN:

Pretty f***ing sweet, huh?

How do you make a woman like you

more than any other guy?

That's easy.

You just gotta find the clitoris.

- Huh?

- Oops!

What does "find the clitoris" mean?

Forget I said anything.

Move along.

You're holding up the line.

Do you know where I can find

the clitoris?

- The what?

- Is that like finding Jesus?

MR. MACKEY OVER P. A:

Attention, students.

We are now enforcing a new dress code

at South Park Elementary.

Terrance and Phillip shirts are

not allowed in school.

Anyone wearing a Terrance and Phillip

shirt is to be sent home immediately.

KIDS:

Hooray!

The Canadian film, Asses of Fire,

is number one at the box office.

Is the film destroying

American youth?

Here with a special report is

a midget in a bikini.

The effects of the Canadian comedy

are far-reaching indeed.

All over America, children seem to be

influenced, like at this spelling bee.

This is for the silver medal.

Spell "forensics."

Why should I f***ing

have to spell "forensics"?

Here you go. S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S.

Forensics.

The devastating impact of the duo

can also be seen with their hit song...

..."Shut Your F***ing Face,

Uncle F***er."

RAPPING:
Shut your f***ing face

Uncle F***er

You're a boner-biting bastard

Uncle F***er

I told you that we won 't stop

I told you that we won 't stop

Back to you, Tom.

Thanks. Shocking report.

The controversy began

in the town of South Park...

...where the PTA is trying

to ban the movie.

With us tonight is the head of the PTA,

Sheila Broflovski.

- And the Canadian minister of movies.

- Thanks for having me.

Parents are concerned about your

country's entertainment.

The film isn 't intended

for children...

But of course children will see it.

Can I finish?

We're surprised by your outrage.

- You just don 't care!

- Can I finish? Hello?

The U. S. Has graphic violence

on TV all the time.

We can 't believe a movie

with foul language pisses you off.

- Because it's evil!

- Can I finish?!

Please can I finish?!

Okay, I'm finished.

This film isn 't the first

troublesome thing to come out of Canada.

Let's not forget Bryan Adams.

Our government's apologized

for Bryan Adams on several occasions.

You Canadians are all the same,

with your beady eyes and flapping heads.

I resent that! I find that racist...

Our children are now addicted

to your puke!

You are a racist!

It'll take us weeks to erase the damage

this film has done to our children.

Kids, I want to welcome you

to rehabilitation, m'kay?

Your mothers insisted you be taken

from your schoolwork...

...and placed into rehab to learn

not to swear.

I don't belong with these rogues.

I attended Yardale and had

a 4.0 grade point average.

- You're a f***ing f*ggot.

- M'kay, you see?

This is what I'm talking about.

We have to get you off of foul language.

- How are we gonna do that?

- Listen here.

RECITING:
There are times when you get

Suckered in

By drugs and alcohol

And sex with women, m 'kay?

But it's when you

Do these things too much

That you've become an addict

And must get back in touch

SINGING:
You can do it

It's all up to you, m 'kay

With a little plan

You can change your life today

Don 't spend your life

Addicted to smack

Homeless

Giving handjobs for crack

Follow my plan

And very soon you will say

It's easy, m 'kay

Instead of "ass" say "buns"

Like "kiss my buns"

Or "You're a buns-hole"

Instead of "sh*t" say "poo"

As in "bull poo"

And "This poo is cold"

With "b*tch" drop the "T"

'Cause "bich" is Latin

For generosity

Don 't say "f***" anymore

'Cause "f***" is the worst word

That you can say

So just use the word "m 'kay"

We can do it

It's all up to us, m 'kay

With a little plan

We can change our lives today

You can change it today

Don 't spend your life

Shooting up in the trash

Homeless

Giving handjobs for cash

Follow this plan

And very soon you will say

It's easy, m 'kay

Step one

- Say "buns"

- Like "Kiss my buns"

Or "You're a buns-hole"

- Step two

- Instead of "sh*t" say "poo"

- As in "bull poo"

- And "This poo is cold"

- Step three

- With "b*tch" drop the "T"

'Cause "bich" is Latin for generosity

- Step four

- Don 't say "f***" anymore

It's the worst word

You can say

"F***" is the worst word

You can say

We shouldn 't say "f***"

F*** no!

You're cured

You can go

Don 't spend your life

Shooting up in the trash

Homeless

Giving handjobs for cash

Follow this plan

And very soon you will say

It's easy, m 'kay

Now you're cured. Take the rest of the

afternoon off for personal reflection.

Find your own constructive way

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