South Sea Woman Page #4

I submit that this witness was convicted

for collaboration with an enemy nation...

...and is here under armed custody.

Let him testify.

We'll know how to judge it.

Proceed with the witness.

If you recognize the accused,

state as whom.

Sergeant o'Hearn.

He is also a pirate, a liar and a deserter.

Of all the two-faced rats

that infest the South Seas...

...he's the most two-faced.

Tell the court what happened between you

and Sergeant o'Hearn from the beginning.

It was late in the afternoon

when I was busily engaged...

... in my usual administrative duties...

... when the captain of my gendarmes

arrived with an alarming report.

He had run three kilometers...

... to tell me that the American Marines

had landed on the beach.

Naturellement, I think it is an invasion.

And then I hear my captain saying

that there were only two Marines.

Hurry, hurry.

- What's he calling us?

- I don't know.

I'll give him a volley

of my Martinique French.

Qu'est que c'est the big idea?

Qu'est que c'est this place?

Your French stinks. Speak English.

Why didn't you tell us you're savvy?

Take these clinkers off

and tell these trigger-happy goons...

...to put their popguns someplace else.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm on my honeymoon.

I'm on his honeymoon too.

Since you find it so amusing, you can

laugh it up in our Portuguese dungeon.

Portuguese dungeon?

- Oh, Davey.

- What's the big idea?

In the name of vichy France,

it is necessary to detain you...

...until on the end of the war.

- France?

- Vichy France?

Oh, vichy France, huh?

Come, come, now,

do not pretend you do not know.

- Know what?

- The Japanese.

They have bombed your Pearl Harbor.

Pearl Harbor? When?

- How?

- Bomb?

Pearl Harbor, are you kidding?

No more American battleships.

Soon, the Japanese will be in New York,

like the Germans are now in Paris.

Just a minute.

- Don't you think you ought to tell him?

- Tell him what?

The simple truth, that you're deserters.

Deserters?

If you don't tell him the truth,

you'll wind up 50 years in an old dungeon.

Yeah, that's right.

- Deserters?

- Yeah.

Yeah, why else would a couple of Marines

pop up on a coral reef like this?

Sure, we skipped out on our outfit.

- Kissed them off forever.

- That's right.

Why did you not tell me this

at the beginning?

Well, how could we till we found out

you were vichy France?

Yeah.

Did we duck out in time.

Pearl Harbor, yet.

I bet those guys back there

are getting clobbered by those Japs.

And why did you desert

if you did not know of the attack?

Well, monsieur,

I never thought a Frenchman...

...would have to ask a question like that.

You get the point.

For this, a man would rob

his own mother.

Monsieur, I welcome you

to the island paradise of Namou.

As governor-general, I embrace you.

And you.

And so I tell you that this two-faced rat

should have his neck twisted like a chicken.

And why, Mr. Marchand, why?

Would you please repeat it

for the benefit of the court?

Because he told me in his own words

he's a deserter.

I know, I know. You do not think

I am qualified to speak.

I'm serving punishment for my crime

and he should serve punishment for his.

Thank you. That is all.

Any questions?

I wouldn't waste two seconds

on that slimy crud.

Watch your language, lieutenant.

Pardon me, sir.

I mean, just plain crud.

The witness is excused.

As further proof that Sergeant o'Hearn

was known as deserter...

...I will now call Lily Duval.

Lily Duval.

Raise your right hand, please.

You do solemnly swear that the evidence

you shall give...

...shall be the truth and nothing

but the truth, so help you, God?

Oui, monsieur, but of course.

Then be seated, please.

Proceed with the witness.

State your name, address

and present occupation.

My name is Lily Duval.

I own and operate the House of Duval

on the island of Namou.

- And what is the House of Duval?

- It is a hotel.

If the gentlemen wish,

I will be glad to quote a rate.

Your face, it is familiar.

Were you not the gentleman

who left his gloves at my hotel?

Madam, I have not been out of the States

in 14 years.

I request that the question

be stricken from the record.

I object as to the character

of this witness.

Can't we accept anybody's reputation?

Monsieur, I'll have you know

that my reputation is a legend...

...from Samoa to Singapore.

And I'll stab any son of a chien de mer

who questions it.

Proceed.

Madam Duval, if you recognize

the accused, state as whom.

That is Sergeant o'Hearn.

State your experience with the accused.

Experience?

I should call it a great excitement.

For 100 years,

there was peace and dullness on Namou.

Then came Sergeant o'Hearn.

Oh, I'll never forget

his first words to me.

He said, "Madam, you look

just like an unmade bed."

He was magnifique.

The witness will kindly confine herself

to the impersonal details.

There are some on the island

who would hang him up with the coconuts.

But as for myself

and my three darling nieces...

...we would like to have him

come back again.

Please, Madam Duval.

Pardon, mon capitaine, but are you positive

you've never been to Namou?

Positive.

Madam Duval, did you suspect

that Sergeant o'Hearn was a deserter?

Who else would come to Namou?

One as he either desert his sweetheart

or his wife.

I mean a deserter

from the United States Marine Corps.

Monsieur, I should like not

to answer that question.

And why not?

Well, Sergeant o'Hearn,

he is such a remarkable man.

It would be a crime

to lock him in the bastille.

You will answer the question,

or be cited for contempt.

Well, perhaps I can best explain it

this way.

You see, I was serving apritifs...

...to my usual respectable

evening clientele.

Oh, I assure you,

they were the highest type of guests.

Charming, well-traveled, educated.

Of course, my three darling nieces

were entertaining...

... and with such taste and refinement.

It was then that Pepi, my parrot,

announced the arrival of new guests.

Oh, it was the coming

of the great excitement.

Mademoiselle.

Madam Duval,

as governor-general of this island...

...I request you extend full hospitality

to our guests.

It is a great pleasure to welcome you.

- Hi.

- Pleased to meet you.

They are deserters

from the United States Marine Corps.

That's right, folks, we know what side

our bread is buttered on, don't we, sarge?

Yeah. You understand, madam...

...the Marine Corps is a little short

on wine, women and song.

We're interested

only in the finer things in life.

I understand.

The hospitality of my establishment

is open to all.

And these are my three darling nieces.

They speak no English,

but they are easy to communicate with.

Oh, and this is our darling

pice de rsistance.

Deserters.

- Who's that guy?

- Monsieur Jimmylegs.

For 25 years, he was chief petty officer

in your Navy.

Your ex-Navy, I should say.

Do not let him worry you.

I would throw him in the dungeon

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