Southland Tales Page #5

pork each other?

Indeed.

That was disgusting.

I wouldn't worry, sir.

That's the European version.

The tides have turned.

No longer must we burn

the spirits of the dead.

No longer must we treat

our precious ozone layer

like the bastard stepchild

of the cosmos.

No longer can even

the most jaded neocon fat cat

deny the majesty...

of our mother...

ocean.

Hello.

This is Jericho Kane.

What?

This is Jericho Kane.

Boxer.

Who's this?

Where... where are you?

I'm in Venice,

somewhere in Venice.

Boxer, Boxer,

go to the Baja Cantina.

It's at the mouth of the Venice Canal,

on Washington Boulevard.

Baja Cantina.

It's a restaurant.

Baja Cantina?

You stay right there.

I'm going to send a car to get you.

- Where is he?

- He's in Venice, the Baja Cantina...

...mouth of the Venice Canal,

right on Washington Boulevard.

- Venice Beach, yeah.

- We got him.

I just want to say

that my heart is broken

by the state of the world

and the state of this city,

and if those callers

who are calling in...

What, are you so frightened

you have to pretend

that they killed each other?

You can't even see

that these people have...

F***.

It's an urgent problem

regarding Boxer Santaros.

What do you mean

he's unavailable?

Unavailable, my ass!

You tell Vaughn Smallhouse

he better not f***

with Deep Throat Two.

How the f*** am I supposed

to blackmail some movie star

if I can't get his f***ing

representation on the phone?

These Hollywood managers,

they think their sh*t don't smell.

Let me tell you something, Teri.

When the sh*t hits the fan,

it all smells the same.

F***, yeah, it does.

I don't know

what it is you've done...

but you have to promise me

that he won't get hurt.

He's not the person you think he is.

Mr. Santaros.

Nice. Yeah.

You got the... the head

of the Neo-Marxist underground

and his b*tch girlfriend,

code name Dream,

real name Veronica Mung.

Dion and Dream are dead.

They're not.

They were just squibs.

Those weren't squibs.

Yes, they were.

We doubled up on the squibs,

Roland, two each.

I thought my name was Ronald.

That's what I said, I said Ronald.

What's wrong with you?

I think you've been

lying to me, Zora.

Yeah.

I think you've been

lying to me all along.

Okay, now you're just being

paranoid, Ronald.

Listen, guys.

I think I'm going

to rollerblade on home now

because I don't really want to be

involved in this anymore, at all.

Okay, Bing.

Go ahead.

Good luck.

You can keep

the rollerblades, Zora.

Just consider them a gift.

You take care, now.

Grid nine eight nine one.

Venice City Beach, Market Street.

Speedway.

The f*** out!

Revelation 20:
2...

"For it will never be night again...

"and they will not need

lamplight or sunlight...

"because the Lord God

will be shining on them.

They will reign forever and ever. "

Two Venice Beach residents

were found dead earlier today

in what appears to be

a domestic dispute

that ended in tragedy.

Veronica Mung,

a celebrated performance artist

who used the stage name Dream,

was allegedly shot by her husband

and fellow performance artist

Dion Element.

Authorities believe Element

then turned the gun on himself.

Sorry.

The couple, well known as

the John and Yoko

of the Venice underground,

had ties to the growing

Neo-Marxist movement.

How safe is your car?

Which vehicles are the favorite targets

of renegade terrorist car bombs?

- Just when the heat wave is...

- Excuse me, sir.

Do you have

a cell phone I can use?

There are concerns

over the rise of the Red Tide.

What some beachgoers think

is dirty, rusty water is actually...

Local call?

Local call.

The phenomenon

began two weeks ago

as the Treer Tidal Generator

began a series of system checks...

- Thanks.

- ... off the coast of Santa Monica.

Federal health officials say

the Red Tide

is not dangerous to beachgoers,

but they recommend

a shower after swimming.

Interstate travel visas have frozen

as the government issues

a code red terror alert

for the holiday weekend.

42 American troops

killed in Syria yesterday...

Come on, come on.

Officer Roland Taverner?

Revelations 12 and 13

tell the tale of a pregnant woman,

a dragon, and two beasts.

Boxer Santaros has arrived.

They are the puppets

of the Antichrist.

What? You've got amnesia?

You're my wife.

God, I can't...

I am just so glad you're alive.

A Hermosa Beach woman

brutally assaults an UPU officer

with an oversized dildo.

A reversible birth control option

for dogs

may one day replace neutering.

Bin Laden's search...

Did you get the tape?

When do I get paid?

Soon enough, baby.

That sh*t better not get out.

Oh, it won't.

We're going to get paid

a lot of money...

to destroy it.

You want to f***

or watch a movie?

Teen horniness is not a crime

Open your heart

and your mind

Horniness is on the rise

Look inside and you will find

Teen horniness is not a crime

Open your heart

and your mind

'Cause the numbers don't lie

Observe the nerds

who shot up Columbine, yeah

An overcrowded nation

Find her and bring her

to me right now.

All your legislation

Can't stop teens'masturbation

We think it was a Neo-Marxist group

that abducted you.

Cockroaches.

Careful what you say, Senator.

Oh, bullshit.

Krysta Now has arrived...

now.

Oh, I can't wait to meet her.

Cock Chuggers Two:

Cock Chugging?

Who the f***

makes this sh*t? Huh?

Hey, hey, she just cut

her own pop album.

"Teen horniness is not a crime.

Keep an open heart

and an open mind. "

She's developing

her own reality show,

clothing line, jewelry, perfume,

and not to mention

an energy drink which I tried,

and her drink tastes

really, really good.

- Can I see the Cock Chuggers?

- No, no.

Can you not see that

she has completely set you up?

I mean, is there...

is there, like, video footage

of the two of you together?

Yeah.

There is.

Lots of it.

Okay, okay, so... so we have to give

the b*tch whatever she wants.

She wants a million dollars

and a yes vote on Proposition 69.

Are you Deep Throat Two?

I'm not in that movie.

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,

we have to give her

whatever she wants

to get that DVD back.

It... it's just, case closed.

This is extortion, sweety-kins.

A million dollars is a lot of money,

and we don't negotiate

with terrorists.

Cock Chugging Two!

If this gets out,

the election is over.

It's an election year, Bob.

Everyone pays.

They're right, Bob, we should pay.

Deep Throat Two can be silenced.

You just take it

out of his bank account.

Thank God I didn't sign a prenup.

And you know what?

Maybe now is the time

to let you know

that I am pregnant with your child.

Pregnant? She's pregnant?

Yeah, you're gonna be

a granddaddy.

Miss Krysta, did somebody

put you up to this?

Yeah. He did.

He paid me to bring Boxer back

from the desert safe and in one piece.

- Baron, Baron.

- No, no.

Is this true?

Preposterous.

- Listen to me, would you stop it?

- I'll cut you down, you little sh*t.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes