Sparrows Dance

1

Bye, Martha.

Toni, are you still up?

Toni?

Yes.

It's me. It's Sam.

Can I come in?

Yes, Sam.

- Mind if I put your light on?

- Yes.

I knew you were out.

I was sound asleep, I've got a headache.

Okay.

I've got something

to tell you, Toni.

Yes, Sam.

It's my house.

You f***ed her in my bed?

Did you f*** her on my f***ing bed?

Did you f*** on my bed?

You're not going home.

There's two teenagers on the street.

One of them is trying

to steal something.

The guy is trying to steal something from the girl,

but the girl's

screaming for help.

Somebody help me!

Stop it!

On Clinton between Houston and Stanton.

Help me!

Do something.

What's wrong with you f***ing people?

Jesus!

Help me! F*** you.

Go back to her.

F***. F***ing do something.

F*** you.

No, I ain't gonna give you sh*t.

Get help!

Please, I f***ing beg.

F***ing help me! Somebody help me!

Somebody!

Summer may seem far away...

...but now

is the time to plan.

Check out the Fresh Box

Summer Camp...

Right smack in the depth of your soul

You'll find a core

The purity of which

is begging

To start you

from the front

Bang, the gun goes off

The run is weak

and you barely left your seat

Meanwhile

these iniquities are...

Hi. Yes.

For delivery, please.

My number is 347-989-3792.

Yeah. That's the address.

Uh-huh.

Yes, 5F. Right.

Um... I'd like the scallion pancakes,

broccoli and garlic sauce.

Um... Large.

And, um, yeah, hold on.

What do you want, Jim?

Uh, yeah,

I'll have a vegetable fried rice and...

Oh, and a ginger ale.

Did you hear him?

Oh, good. Okay.

Um, cash. Yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Oh, wait. Oh, f***. Hello?

Yeah. Hi.

Could you tell me how much that is?

Yeah, hello?

Oh, hi.

Delivery.

Yeah. No.

Hold on a second, Charles.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you see the money?

Yeah, I see it.

Could you please just leave the

bag of food on the floor there

and take the money, okay?

Yeah, yeah. No, I know.

Yeah, it's here.

Yeah. Okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

What? Do you want me

to leave it here?

Yeah. Yeah, right.

Okay.

Thanks so much.

Have a good night.

Okay, you too.

Personally,

I like to jump off rocks

and bridges and things

into water.

I know some people

like to go shopping

and some people

like to shoot guns.

Recycling feels pretty good.

But if you found something

that makes you feel truly alive

and it doesn't hurt anybody else while you do it,

well done, you won

the game of life.

There's a secret to life

Remind me to tell you

When you grow up

How brave you are...

How brave you are

To come and join...

What the f***?

What the f***?

Water!

Water? Now?

What the f***?

Water!

What the f*** about?

It's draining down all over my f***ing soccer jersey!

Oh, f***. Oh, f***.

You got water flooding all over the f***ing hallway

and down into the stairwell.

F***. I see it.

Thank you. It's the toilet.

Sh*t. I'm sorry!

Thank you so much. I'm so sorry.

I'm on it. Thank you.

F***.

Can I just

speak to one of your plumbers by phone?

You could look it up

by phone.

No, I understand

that it would cost money.

I'm saying maybe one of your plumbers

could walk me through it by phone

and we could figure it out

on the phone.

That's not how you do things?

Does that mean you won't do it like that?

Fine.

So my options are what?

Yes. I want

to fix the toilet.

No, I'm not a f***ing plumber.

I think you f***ing know that.

Yeah, excuse my French.

Okay. Fine.

Send the plumber over.

Wait, it's really not possible

that we could do this by phone?

Hello?

Plumber.

Hello?

A lot of locks, huh?

This ain't a bad

part of town, is it?

Not particularly, no.

You got a great

ramen noodle shop downstairs.

You must visit it frequently.

Not really.

No?

You're missing out.

It's very authentic.

Not that I've ever

been to Japan.

Have you?

Yes.

A long time ago.

Cool.

May I come in?

Yes. Sorry.

Let's see

what we got here.

This the culprit?

Hey, can we move this footstool over and put this on it?

Oh, yeah.

Let's see what we got.

Well, not out of nowhere,

it was making noises the past few weeks.

Gee, what kind of noises?

It would start running and then it

would stop and make a sort of a...

Well, like that, but quiet.

I don't know what that is.

Could you do it again?

No, I'm not. That was good.

That was a good faulty toilet imitation.

I'm gonna get out of the way.

You're not in the way.

Is it okay if I walk around

your apartment in my boots?

Nothing hidden

under the floorboards?

What? No.

and my boot went right through the floorboard, like...

Boom, boom, boom.

Just like that.

You wanna hear it again?

Boom, boom, boom.

It was cool, though.

He was a nice old guy.

He had a kerosene stove.

And a sap.

A blackjack, a sap is a blackjack.

He was a nice guy.

Over on 16th Street

on 7th Avenue.

I'm gonna go over there

to the kitchen, okay?

Great.

You got no flow.

What?

You got no flow in here,

in my opinion.

Oh.

Don't worry. I'll fix it.

Is there anything

I can do?

Nah, just sit loose.

You mean "hang tight"?

Okay. Yeah. Hang tight.

You got somewhere

you gotta be?

I can keep working,

but it's gonna be a while longer.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah? You can stay?

I can work longer?

Yes.

Hey.

Hmm?

So, I'll have to come back

tomorrow, okay?

What? Why?

You have, like,

a work schedule issue?

Because I can schedule it

for later in the week.

I just figure you wanna get it

fixed as soon as possible.

I do wanna get it fixed

as soon as possible.

So, tomorrow is okay then?

You couldn't fix it now?

What happened?

It's your plumbing.

It's ancient.

It's actually very rare.

Meaning I'm gonna have to come

back tomorrow with the right parts.

but it's still gonna probably make

those noises unless I come back.

Most people have

more updated plumbing.

But in this place,

basically,

like, your toilet plumbing

is from the '40s.

It's filled with sediment,

delta mud, potato bag oil.

Really?

No.

But it might as well be.

So I'm gonna have to go

and find those parts.

Those are basically like antique Sandy Koufax parts.

But then, I'll be able to fix your toilet,

I'm pretty sure.

Let me get my purse.

Oh, no,

you don't have to pay me until tomorrow

and I'm not gonna

charge you any extra.

It's not your fault the building hasn't

updated its plumbing in 50 years.

I appreciate that.

No sweat.

You like The Three Stooges?

They're okay, I guess. Why?

No reason.

It just popped in my mind.

If you have any problems with that toilet,

you just give me a call.

You have your own website?

Don't you work for Harry's Plumbing Company?

I do, yes. But I like

to give my clients

my direct phone line

and my direct website.

Yeah, the social networks are

full of predators and perverts

So if you know anybody that's doing, like,

a wedding or a bar mitzvah,

let me know 'cause I play

for next to nothing.

I mean, jazz is my thing,

but I can play any kind of music.

Um, Polish music,

even polka music.

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