Special Correspondents Page #3

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- You've written a novel.

- I had a lot to say.

- And on radio station paper? Romantic.

I put a few photos in, as well.

To remind her of the good times.

That's quite a package

she's gonna receive.

Actually, you're good with words.

Can you have a look at it for me?

Yeah, sure.

- That's not how you spell "suicide."

- Cheers.

You know what?

A country going through a rebel coup

is no place to be crying over a wife

who's left you.

- You just need to move on.

- That's funny.

I'm playing a video game

called Rebel Coup.

Eleanor thinks it's childish,

a grown man playing games.

[sighs]

I should've paid her more attention.

But then, would I have achieved

such a high score? Who knows?

You know what? Maybe I'll ask

someone else to come along.

- Yeah.

- Cheers.

- How long you away for?

- A week or two.

- Can I get an SM58 and a MIDI MkII?

- Yeah.

I've changed my mind. I'm coming.

That way, my wife can stay

in that empty apartment, all alone,

and think of me, maybe even miss me.

- Great.

- Are they bulletproof vests?

- Yeah, they are.

- What, for...?

Why is the...?

Why are they...? Why do they end...?

Have you got bulletproof pants?

Otherwise, what's the... point?

Passports, entry papers and tickets.

You have a United flight to Quito

at 2 p.m. from Newark.

- [Finch] Cheers.

- Don't lose them.

Why would I lose them?

- I was just saying.

- What, like I lost my wife?

- [Claire] Do you have everything?

- I think so.

I wish I had one of those

wheelie things now.

- Listen to me.

- What?

When we get there, they're at war.

- I don't wanna be a babysitter, okay?

- I won't let you down.

- What should I do with the letter?

- Forget it.

- What do you mean?

- Who's the man in this relationship, hmm?

- Don't be a p*ssy.

- [gasps] Sexist.

- What?

- Nothing.

- Listen, you need to grow a pair.

- Of breasts?

- Balls.

- Oh, sorry. It's because you said "pair."

Because I say "pair of breasts,"

but I don't say "pair of balls."

- I just say "balls."

- Throw the letter away.

- Right.

- Let her wonder where you are.

After a couple weeks,

you won't wanna know her anymore.

Don't give me the

"there's plenty more fish in the sea."

I was gonna say there's

plenty more women in the world.

- You seen Ecuadorian girls?

- No. What are they like?

They're like Spanish women,

but different. With ponchos. You'll see.

Cheers. I'm sorry.

They keep coming off.

My problem is I've got slopy shoulders,

so it's hard.

[Claire] That is a problem.

- Can we stop off at mine on the way?

- What for?

I've hardly got any clothes.

This is all equipment.

Forget it, you can get some

when we get to Quito. Come on.

[Finch groans]

Be careful. Both of you, obviously.

- It'll be dangerous.

- Danger's my middle name.

- Mine's Dennis.

- [snickers]

- See you soon, then.

- Yeah.

Cheers.

[Eleanor]

Hi, I'm not around. Leave a message.

[beep]

Voicemail.

She obviously sees my number

and she doesn't pick up

because she doesn't wanna talk to me.

Can I borrow your cell?

She won't recognize the number.

- I thought you'd let her sweat.

- No, I know.

But I was gonna let her know

that we're going to Ecuador,

a war-torn country, sort of cool-like.

Yeah, no, you do cool great.

That's why I'm so confident

having you as my only support

in a scary, dangerous, hostile place.

It's like having my own John Wayne.

Listen to me, you bumbling little fool,

we agreed,

your problems,

they're your problems, not mine.

- Okay?

- One, rude. Two...

Okay, I'll just call her back on mine.

Not a problem. Thanks for your help.

[Eleanor] Hi, I'm not around.

Leave a message.

- [beeps]

- [Finch] Hi, it's me.

Listen, I'm off to Ecuador

to cover a pretty dangerous war.

Um, we'll talk about everything

when I get back. If I get back.

It's cut out. Oh, it's the tunnel.

Sorry, can you avoid the tunnels?

[Finch groans]

[chattering]

Tickets.

That's not the tickets,

that's your letter.

- I threw the letter away.

- No, you didn't. It's right there.

What did I throw away, then?

Don't tell me you threw away

the passports!

You said to throw away the letter,

so I threw it in the truck.

- Which truck?

- The garbage truck.

Because I must've mixed up the...

Let's go back to the station,

tell them we lost the tickets,

get new tickets.

We'll come tomorrow. It's fine.

You threw away the passports,

the tickets, and the cash?

Where are we gonna get

new f***ing passports from?

- In one day! In one day!

- What else are we gonna do?

- Unbelievable.

- I didn't do it on purpose.

You're a stupid, worthless, idiotic,

- incompetent piece of sh*t. You know that?

- Yeah.

- What?

- Yes, I do know that.

F***. Taxi!

Yes, it's Finch and Frank!

Hi! How was Ecuador?

Shh! What? Is anyone from

the radio station in there?

- No. Why?

- I'll explain later. Get in. Get in.

- [Brigida] Get in. Get in.

- [Finch] Oh, God.

- [Domingo] That's quite a story.

- It is.

We need to work out

what we're gonna do.

- We need to brainstorm.

- Brainstorm.

Brainstorm.

- What is a "brainstorm"?

- I love these two to bits

but they're not

the sharpest tool in the box.

Whereas you're a genius?

Either of you ever thrown away your

passports on the way to the airport?

- Yes.

- [Domingo] Okay.

[Brigida]

Brainstorm.

Could two other people go

instead of you?

- What? Of course not.

- [Brigida] Can you go somewhere else?

- No. The story I'm covering is in Ecuador.

- Oh, okay.

Can you cover a different story?

No. It needs to be that story, it needs

to be Ecuador and it needs to be us.

And we haven't got passports.

- I got it.

- Go on.

You can use someone else's passports.

- Ours.

- Oh, we're screwed.

- No, but she's... and we're...

- [Brigida] Okay, um...

You can save up money for new tickets,

and by then, the passports will be here.

And the war will be over.

- [Domingo] That's good then.

- Not for us.

No, but for the people. Less will die.

- [Brigida] Less will die.

- They're thinking of the people.

- Less will die.

- You'll die, though. I'll kill you.

Look...

Let's go over and explain.

Maybe Mallard won't fire us.

He'll fire you when I tell him

how f***in' useless you are.

- Language.

- [Frank] Oh, my God.

He's gonna think that I chickened out,

that I didn't have the guts to go.

That'll give him the perfect excuse

to fire me.

I'm gonna have to kill him.

I'll go to jail.

I'll get out of jail,

and then I'll kill you.

So, let's not do that.

- Think!

- Okay.

They're expecting a report

from us at 10:
00, from Ecuador,

and there's no way we can get there.

We don't need to get there.

They're expecting a report from Ecuador.

Let's give them one on a cell phone.

The same number would show whether

we were in London, New York or Quito.

- I can create a soundscape. A war zone.

- It'll never work.

It will work. It will work.

Can I use your spare room?

- Brainstorm.

- Brainstorm.

- [Brigida] Come in. Come in. Welcome.

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