Spider

1

Over the mountains

And over the waves,

Under the fountains

And under the graves,

Under floods that are deepest,

Which Neptune obey

Over rocks that are steepest,

Love will find out the way.

Where there is no place

For the glow-worm to lie,

Where there is no place

For receipt of a fly,

Where the midge dares not venture,

Lest herself fast she lay,

But if Love comes, he will enter,

And will find out his way.

You may esteem him

A child for his might,

Or you may deem him

A coward from flight.

But if she, whom Love doth honor,

Be concealed from the day

Set a thousand guards upon her,

Love will find out the way.

Where's Soames?

Soames, huh?

Soames

(Whispers) Let me see.

Soames.

Soames?

Might be someone's.

Down there, isn't it?

Just down there, I think.

What's this?

What's it say? What's it say?...

What's it says here?

Paddock St... Erm?

Miss... Miss Wilkinson...

Mr Clegg, I presume?

I'm Mrs Wilkinson.

Come in.

We've been expecting you.

Wait here, Mr Clegg.

While I fetch me keys.

Good evening to you, sir.

You're familiar with

the scorpion, I take it?

No... no.

Not from Africa then.

I had you down as

an old Africa hand

No.

Africa...

Now there's a dark continent for you...

I knew a man once,

who'd been told

never to go bare foot

because of the...

...scorpion.

Ah, getting aquainted with the residence

Mr Clegg.

Good. This is Terrence,

but I'm afraid we are not to be trusted.

Are we Terrence?

Now... lets get you upstairs.

Out of those wet things.

Got out of bed

in the middle of the night,

put his shoes on.

Put his shoes on...

Stung by a scorpion.

Sleeping in one of the toe caps.

Died in agony.

17 hours...

Take these Mr Clegg.

Come on.

Your room, Mr. Clegg.

Oh... not undressed yet?

Here...

Very well then Mr. Clegg.

I'll leave you to your own devices.

Kitchener street.

Spleen street.

Aldermore Close...

In the allotments...

By the railway...by the railway

and down the canal

and down a canal...Kitchener street

My Mum.

Wakey, wakey, Mr. Clegg.

Not in bed, please.

I trust you slept well sir.

The bedding in this house has a curious...

...character.

But one does grow used to it after...

...just a few years.

I will not...

I will not be here that long.

Nor did I expect to be, but...

...it is a loud world.

And this... is an island.

But... an island sir...

...ruled by a tyrant queen.

Has the power to send any one of us

back to where we came from.

The asylum, I mean.

Terrence, waxing already?

Perhaps you'd share

your thoughts with me sometime.

Mr. Clegg?

How many shirts are you wearing?

One, two, three... four?!

Now really

is this absolutely necessary?

Oh... indeed it is madam.

Clothes maketh the man...

And ... the less there is of the man,

the more the need for clothes.

My mum...Was she here?

What happened to her shoe?

Here?...There?...

...Here.

She wouldn't lie...

my mother...lies still.

Honest...Can't swear to it...

Right...it's this...foul lie...

Ugh! Sorry!

She wa'...she was always...in ill health

Yet she was my mummy.

She's 'ere.

She was so...(weeps)

She was so ill.

Brilliant.

It's a...wing...Wing of a seagull.

it... could have gone nowhere else.

Are you making progress?

What's you doing?

Making something.

Making something...

Aren't you clever.

You're so good with your hands.

- This is for you.

- for you...it's for you.

There!

You run down the 'Dog' there's a good boy,

Tell you father his dinner's on the table.

- It's not on the table.

- It's not on the table.

Well, it will be by the time

you get him out of that pub.

Don't go out the front

I just done them steps.

(Loud female cackling!)

- Who's this then?

- Handsome little fellow ain't ya.

I've come for me Dad.

Not here, is he.

You've shown me up.

I can't believe she done that!

Oh look at his little face. Bless him.

- Good evening Bill.

- Good evening Ernie.

- The usual?

- Ya, cheers.

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Dad...

Now don't you say a word.

What's this?

At...Dalton Penya??

Aw...Is it...??

...I don't know.

Well...

It was different when I was a girl.

We lived out in the country then.

Essex.

I remember how I'd go across

the fields in the morning...

And I'd see the webs in the trees.

Like clouds of muslin they were.

What, spider's webs?

Spider's webs...

Of course spider's webs.

They always makes webs.

Then...

when I got close

I'd see they wasn't muslin at all

they were wheels.

Great big shining wheels...

- You know what else?

- What?

If you knew where to look,

you could find the spider's egg bags.

Perfect little things they were.

Tiny little silk pockets she made...

To put her eggs in.

What happened to her

after she layed her eggs?

You like this bit, don't you?

She just crawled away

without looking back once.

And then she died?

Her work was done.

She had no more silk left.

She's all dried up and empty.

Dried up too.

You ready then?

As ready as I'll ever be.

You!

You guard the house. Alright?

This morning...

Good evening Bill.

What you having?

Gin and orange for me, Billy.

- evening Bill.

- evening Ernie.

Pint of bitters please and then

gin and orange for the Missus.

Gin and orange...

I've seen more meat on a butcher's apron.

I felt that.

I says to him, I says

is that the best you can do?

You want to take that up West...

See what smart people

have to say about it.

Getting an eyeful are you?

It's that fat tart... Yvonne Wilkinson

- Cheers Ernie.

- cheers.

Some fat tart... Yvonne Wilkinson...

Gin with...

Don't drink so fast, Bill.

Fancy another one?

No, not ready for another one yet...

He turns to me and I say:

Nora, Nora! (Yvonne giggles).

So a man comes to Nora.

she's on to him right away.

Next thing she's done half the

London Docks all over her.

She's standin there laughing.

What are you laughing at?, I says.

And that ain't all she said...

Look at him, more like Tom thumb

Tom thumb, I says,

what about... what about Tiny Tim?

How we laughed.

Now as for his Dad,

that's another story.

He was a right little toerag.

I wouldn't let him near me.

He told me it's air. I says...

I says I want the decorators in...

Know what I mean?

Yvonne Wilkinson

she made the first move.

- Yes?

- Plumber.

- What?

- I'm the plumber.

I believe you have trouble

with your pipes.

Eve!

Plumber.

Don't tread on the cats.

It's in here.

That the plumber?

Hello, Yvonne.

Hear that?

Wickin' the whole day?

All bloody day...

Don't it, Laura?

All bloody day...

You want air in those pipes?

We got air... bad air.

Bad air

...can't you smell it?

Yeah, but it's coming from your lavatory,

innit?

I sincerly hope so.

Yeah - Shocking,the state

of the plumbing in this place.

You going to do me pipes or what?

Had a letter from that

Sophia Loren this morning.

- Oh yeah...

- Yeah.

What she want then?

Usual thing.

What? The old... you know?

Exactly, right.

They're all the same.

All the same.

Still, what can you expect, really.

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