Spider Page #2

Mind you them Frenchies

know a thing or two.

I should say.

They had a Frenchie once with three tits.

- Get away...

- I swear To God.

One here, one here and one here.

Well you do surprise me.

Lovely girl.

Comes from Manchester.

You said a Frenchie.

Well that was a different one, innit?...

My mother had three tits.

A lovely woman your mother.

She did like a sailor?

She loved a sailor my mum...

Down to me, that was

How's that then?

Every time I smoke a fag...

My mum... has it off with a sailor.

- You smoke all The time.

- Well that's what I'm saying.

Ah!

Hello plumber.

What you say your name was?

Now, don't tell me.

Bill.

Always been one of my favorites.

Had a cat called Bill once.

Nippy out, eh? Glad I got me fur.

Do you like my fur?

Got it up the market...June.

Second hand.

Still, what's isn't these days...

I'm a bit second hand myself...

But you don't mind that do you, Bill?

You like that... don't ya?

A bit of second hand?

...lovely job you did on them pipes...

That is great out of them now

Smell didn't go away though

Alright plumber...lets have ya

...heating my pipes...

I'll do you... ooh...

- Aw...Do You like that?

- Ya

what's this?

Ooh, plumber! Ooh!

Hurry up, Bill. Bloody freezing.

I'm stopping here for a bit.

Suit yourself.

I'm goin back up the 'Dog'.

I went down to Salisbury for a drink.

Can't a man go for a drink

after his work?

I won't live like this...

Wasn't meant to live like this.

Ya, but it's not my fault.

- Oh yes It is.

- No, it bloody isn't.

It's all right, spider.

Your father and me we're just...

Havin' a talk.

You woke me up.

That's all right now.

We're all coming up to bed now.

C'mon, me big Spider.

Let's go on up.

Look what I bought.

Think your dad will like it?

Spider?

Seems...Seems right.

I'm strugggling...There isn't one to fit in...

You will pick it all up, Mr. Clegg.

Every single piece!

Ya, hello?

Gas works got you have they?

I'm not surprised.

Nasty stuff... gas.

I knew a man once,

put his head in a gas oven,

turned on the gas,

then... he changed his mind.

His head was stuck.

Smell...Smell gas.

Yeah, I smell...

Gas...

Gas...

Gas I smell...it's gas in here.

I only said it would be nice to

stay in for a change.

Just the two of us.

- Wouldn't it, aye, Billy.

- No it bloody wouldn't.

I'm sick of this house.

Bill!

Aw, Spider...

- Large scotch.please

- Coming up

So... plumber...

Feeling better tonight...

know what I mean?

Why don't you er,...

Why don't you come down to the allotments?

Down the allotments? When?

Well, I'm heading off now?

Why don't you come down in a bit.

All right, plumber.

Don't mind if I do.

I'm going out, Spider.

I'm going to meet your father.

Sh*t.. Oh!!

(Yvonne giggles outside)

Aaw! - you alright then?

- Ooh my nerves!

Oh, you tipped over bad right there.

- You alright?

- Will be in a minute.

This way.

You're going to take me

right in there are you?

I'm goin' to take you right in there, oh ya

I have something to show you alright.

- Oh ain't it lovely.

- Home sweet Home

Two large scotch.

and a...pint of bitter.

Three gin, 7 bags of crisps

and 20 embassy please.

- what can I Get You dear?

- Oh no... I'm looking for my husband.

Oy! She's looking for her husband!

- Who's your husband dear?

- Bill?

Bill who?

Bill Clegg.

- Bill Clegg...

- Bill! You're wanted!

Is he here?

Not if he's got any sense he ain't.

Bill Clegg... I don't know him.

- Regular is he?

- No ra...

...Well, at least I don't think so.

Sorry dear.

Can I get you something?

No. Thank you.

'No sympathy...spite of him'.

That'll be our day, plumber?

(Drunkenly)

That'll be our day, plumber.

Who would chase me is romantic.

- Romantic.

Ooh! My old fancy.

- Steady.

Uh-uh!

What? What?

-Ssshh!

We don't care!

You'll wake up the neighbors.

They're my neighbors now

aren't they.

Oh ya that's right...

'Cause you're mine now.

Ya, that's right isn't it.

- Just You and me.

- Oh Billy.

- Ohh.

You bastards!

Bastards!

Keep away, ya bastards!

Or I'll do the fucken' lot of ya!

I am not a Spaniard!

Put it down Freddy.

Come on...

Do us all a favour.

No one said you was a Spaniard.

Your...old bastard!

I'll cut your fucken' heart

out with a trowel!

Don't talk to me about nonchalance!

Stay away!

Keep away you bastards...!

I'm warning ya! I'll...

...Don't come near me!

Found found piece a piece of glass...

...on the floor

See I f...found it...found it on the floor...

There it is.

We was worried about that one.

Take your eye out that would.

Kitchener street.

How does that sound?

we're going to go to the shops...

...we'll get you... some food.

Just put you in your buggy.

There's a good girl... right.

Off we go... good girl.

What are you looking at me

like that for?

You have turned into a most

peculiar boy recently.

No wonder your father's

worried about ya.

What's the matter with ya?

Your turn.

Here's your toast.

Dripping, if you want it.

Your father might be home early today...

He'd bloody wonder

if everything gets done...

...ask yourself is it worth it.

Yes, it's true he murdered

your mother.

Try and think of me

as your mother now.

They told me to go back for the giblets,

can you believe it.

- Huh!

Murderer!

- what are You saying?

- You're both murderers!

Right! Down the cellars.

Come here you, you...

Come back here!

Now don't bother coming back!

Murderer!

Bloody hell...Bloody hell!

Murderer

murder, they're both murderers.

Dennis?

Dennis?

Dennis...

You alright?

Come on Dennis.

Come here.

I want to talk to you.

What... what is the matter

with you Dennis?

Why are you so...

...angry with us?

You know you're making

your mother very unhappy.

She's not my mother!

Uh! Not this again!

Who is she then?

Who is she Dennis?

Who is she?

She's a tart!

You cheeky monkey.

I should smack your head!

She's a cheap tart...Agh!!

You killed my mum, you murderer!

You bloody...!

Dennis...

Do you...do you know what you're saying?

Are you...are you daft?

I don't know where

you get your ideas from.

You're by yourself too much.

You need some mates.

When I was your age I had mates.

Every young lad needs mates.

Dennis...

...you still think I...

...I done her in?

Answer me.

Do you think I done her in?

Thank God for that.

Alright. Let's go home then.

Come on.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

- all right then?

- all right now.

You sit yourself down.

I went out and I got something

nice for your supper.

Wakey wakey!

Wakey wakey!

Wakey wakey!

Well, Mr. Clegg?

What you lookin at me like that for?

Say something, Mr. Clegg.

Cat got your tongue?

Now...

I'm missing a spare set of keys.

I left them on this table

last night.

And when I came down

this morning they were gone.

Well?

Mr. Clegg?

What do you know

about my spare keys?

A spare set of keys?

Several keys on a ring?

Mr. Clegg!

Not in your room, Mr. Clegg...

...this filthy thing...

...Will come down.

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