Spin Out Page #3

And you know what?

It doesn't pay sh*t.

Mate, the army's got the lot.

Hard yakka. Danger. Tax breaks.

- What sort of danger?

- Come on, rooter.

A little thing called warfare.

With who?

We're Australian, mate. We don't care.

Boys, boys, boys.

You gotta think this through.

The army's no picnic. The danger's real.

It's real.

What about e-cow?

What's e-cow?

It's a good concept, I'll give him that.

All right, you sponsor

a cow, it's $2 a day.

We send you pictures,

you get updates and that.

And eventually, you get to eat it.

That is good.

It's a great idea!

It's too much hard work, lads, yeah?

Look at me.

The army is the answer. All right?

Remember? Come on.

And you... hey!

Are you gonna be

stewing in your juice all night?

Bloody conga line out of the door.

This is all your fault.

My fault?

Lucy.

She'd stay if you stayed.

Come on, bill.

Wake up and smell the proverbial.

Well, I'm gonna show her

where the party's at.

Yeah, good boy.

We're gonna need a bit more rocket fuel

than that, though, compadre.

Hey, lads.

I've thought of a new drinking game.

We all drink as much as we can...

And that's it. Come on.

That's good.

Bill?

William?

Jeez, I'd close your mouth, mate.

The flies might get in.

What are you gawking at?

Sis!

You look positively pulchritudinous.

- Luce, you look beautiful.

- Thanks, sparrow.

Come on, Princess, get it over with.

I'm sure you've got

some smartarse thing to say.

No.

No, I don't, honest.

It's just that...

Just what?

It's like seeing my brother in a dress.

Shickety split, Billy.

You're a smooth-talking bastard.

What?

Never seen her dressed like a...

- A girl.

- Yeah.

And she's probably

never gonna dress like one again, mate.

- What was I supposed to say?

- Not that.

Yeah. See, even sparrow gets it.

Like, when I'm wooing a woman...

I'm not "wooing" her.

I put on a little bit of classical music,

I compliment her appearance.

I play Keith urban and get her drunk.

I'm not wooing Lucy, okay?

She's a mate. A good mate.

It was a shock.

Keith urban, eh?

Yeah.

Why'd you have to say

Lucy looked like your brother?

Are you mental? He's got a beard.

It came out all wrong.

That is not how you talk to a lady.

Like you'd know.

No, I'm making

some serious headway with Mary.

Don't you worry about that.

You got to apologize to Luce, though,

'cause if she leaves,

that is the end of the team.

Don't panic.

I'll apologize, turn on the charm.

She'll be eating out of

the palm of my hand.

Good.

Skull! Skull! Skull!

Skull! Skull! Skull!

Skull! Skull! Skull! Skull! Skull! Skull!

The juggernaut!

Yay!

Michelle, I don't look

like a boy in this, do I?

Definitely not.

Look at him.

He said he's gonna

give up the grog after this.

For the baby.

- How did he take the news?

- I haven't told him yet.

'Cause Boof's always getting between us.

You have to tell him.

It's not his baby.

Skull! Skull! Skull!

It's gonna be the end of us.

You should've thought of that before.

Yeah!

Bush.

Nah. No bush, mate.

Yeah, nah, I reckon there's bush.

Absolutely no bush.

I like bush.

I can get lost in it for days.

Wrong bush.

Hey, I wouldn't.

She looks awfully sober, mate.

You seen Lucy?

Watch.

The fearless JJ's making his move.

Look at him. Swift, like a grasshopper.

Piss off.

Looks like the master's

gonna have to show the way.

Hello, madam.

Yeah. I was...

Just wondering if you would care

to sashay onto the dance floor.

My, my. A talking dog.

She is a bit sober.

Bugger her.

Bugger 'em all.

None of 'em have got Merline's brains.

Or Taylah's drive.

Yeah, or Shazza's vagina.

Hey, you gotta stay here, okay.

This is private.

Hi, Mary.

I...

Just wanted to grab

your advice on something.

- My advice?

- Yeah.

Well, if you keep your hands off it,

the rash should clear up in no time.

No.

Actually, I've just got this friend

who's dead keen on this girl,

but he can't read her face.

That ugly, huh?

No, no, she's got something special.

Adam's apple?

Well, she's very handy.

She's a bull dyke, then.

Yeah, the thought had crossed my...

No, no, no way.

And if she is, then god is a bastard.

I'd say this chick sounds like a loudmouth,

bangle-rattling bushpig.

But if your mate really wants to root her,

he should grab her and kiss her,

and be a man about it.

Yeah. Sounds like a great plan, Mary.

I'm moving to Perth.

- What?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna try out

for the Olympic wrestling team.

Get a career, put it in a half-Nelson

and slam it to the mat.

Then I win gold for Australia.

No, no, no, no! You can't move to Perth.

That's too far away.

Try and stop me.

Yeah, yeah. No. Yeah. No worries.

Thanks, Mary.

And get some cream for that rash.

Yeah. Yeah.

You don't look like my brother

in a dress, okay?

Look, Luce, I didn't mean anything bad.

You're my mate.

So it's like seeing

one of your mates in a dress?

Yeah.

I...

I mean, you look great not wearing a dress.

I don't mean you look great naked.

Just gets better and better with you,

doesn't it?

Okay, Princess, take a breath.

You want a root?

What?

A root. Sex.

Might as well get it out of the way.

Really?

I'm up for it if you are.

Yeah?

So you haven't picked one?

Are we setting each other

up for roots or what?

I dunno, I haven't picked one yet.

Chop-chop. Meanwhile...

Set me up with him.

- The one in the hat?

- Blue suit.

Okay.

Have you finished yet?

Get me the legs 'n' lips in the blue dress.

She's out of your league.

You're right. Look who's talking.

This is the last favor I'm doing you.

Then we're done.

- Good.

- Good.

I'm all over the fairy lights.

Lo-fi. Retro.

It's Woodstock for rednecks.

I'm getting a drink. You?

What?

G'day, mate.

You're wearing sandals.

Yeah, brah.

Gotta minimize that carbon footprint.

Huh, right?

- What're you drinking?

- Rum.

Organic, yeah?

Ethically sourced? Fair trade?

Yeah, all right.

So, where you from, mate?

Sydney.

- What do you do?

- Aviation.

- Light planes?

- No, a380s.

The big ones.

I think you've got a problem.

See that chick?

She's taken a shine to you.

- Cool.

- Not cool.

Definitely not cool.

Nice rack. Tasty.

What? No, look, do yourself a favor.

- Steer clear.

- I like her energy.

She's got a good energy about her.

- Wait. She's done time...

- Huh?

For armed robbery.

Bullshit!

She doesn't look like

that kind of girl, does she?

Trust me, she only started

looking like a girl tonight.

Just in time.

But, darling,

there simply has to be some vodka.

We have rum and beer.

Fine. Get me a rum. A big one.

Make that two.

- You've got a stalker.

- Pardon?

See that bloke over there?

He's been watching you.

Whatevs, every time I turn around,

some creep's giving me

a pap smear with his eyes.

You can't be from around here.

Born and bred. You're not.

Wait a mo.

You and the cowboy...

You're not a couple?

No.

I'm over the guys in Sydney.

- I want someone genuine, real.

- Wait a second...

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