Spinning Boris

Hello.

Can I make a call if I may?

To the United States,

America?

Lines...

- no calls.

- I was thinking...

possibly if there's any way to...

- hook that up?

- First cabin.

How do you do? You've reached

the office of George Gorton.

Tell me everything.

Hi, this is me,

George Gorton.

I'm here in Moscow,

Russia.

It's June 16th 1996...

about 4PM my time.

The reason I'm calling is...

I may be killed today,

or disappear...

in which case I want the police

to know what happened.

We start where we always start.

What we're looking for

is a magic number...

one tiny positive digit that

we can spin in our favor...

and make this funeral

look like a birthday party.

Trust me, it's gonna take a little

bit of creative analysis.

But, in the immortal words

of George Herbert Bush...

- nobody said it was gonna be easy...

- Nobody was right.

Very good!

We don't want the goddamn

poll tomorrow...

we want it yesterday, which means

we better get it today...

or else I'm gonna fly up there

and rip your goddamn windpipe!

- Dick.

- Listen, Dwayne.

Dwayne, I know it's

a mock election.

I don't care. We gotta win, place

or at least show, okay?

What do you mean you don't have

any voters?

Round up some hicks

in Nebraska, bring them to Iowa...

and pay them

to vote for Wilson!

They're pig farmers.

Doesn't have to be kosher.

Oh my gosh. Look who it is.

To what do I owe?

We must be doing

something right, uh?

I don't think so, George.

Your guys got no votes...

no funds and zero party support.

Off the record...

do you really think

you can turn it around?

Off the record?

Okay, here's how we do it.

Pay attention now.

Secrets of the trade.

Put your right hand in,

put your right hand out...

put your right hand in,

shake it all about...

Next part is crucial.

Do the...

No. That's what it's all about.

We're gonna turn it around.

You're never off the record,

are you?

Like you are?

Hey, dinner tonight at eight?

How does that sound?

We can talk.

What do you think?

Really. Hello.

Governor!

Yeah, hang on a second.

Let me go someplace quiet.

Of course, as long as it's

for the good of the campaign.

No.

I'm sure you're making

the right decision.

Let me guess.

Good news.

He wants me to bend over

to Fuller.

"I feel I have to have

national presence, George.

Fuller's better positioned

for it than you are. "

Better positioned?

You've given him 20 years

of your life.

I mean, he'd be the governor

of Bumfuck without you.

This is my early

Christmas bonus.

He doesn't trust me to run

a presidential campaign.

Look, George, we're a team.

You go, we go.

No, you guys stay here.

'Cause a paycheck's a paycheck.

You know, it's a Titanic. Wilson

doesn't stand a rat's chance.

So in a couple more weeks you guys

are gonna be unemployed too.

Our sixth challenge...

is to maintain America's

leadership in the fight...

for freedom and peace

throughout the world.

"Because of

American leadership...

more people than ever before

will live free and at peace. "

and at peace.

And Americans...

Honey, that's amazing.

No, it's not. Dick Morris

wrote that damn speech.

I know Dick's voice

better than I know my own.

- You're sounding jealous.

- Why?

Just because he's whispering

into the president's...

ear while I'm sitting

on my hands...

during a major election year?

Consultant without a campaign.

There it is.

Joe Shumate.

Mr. Shumate, big pleasure.

My name is Felix Braynin.

I'm a Russian-American businessman

and I live in Sausalito.

My references are good

and long.

I faxed as we speak.

You don't sound you're calling

from Sausalito, Mr. Braynin.

Felix, please.

No, you're correct.

I'm in Moscow...

and I'm calling to proposition you,

Mr. Shumate.

Really? Well,

I'm flattered but...

But please, please read the fax

then give me a "but".

Says here you wanna hire

my partners and me...

for a campaign.

Not quite. It says

"The Campaign".

Yes, it does, but it doesn't mention

here who the candidate is.

No. That's correct.

It's not secure.

Not secure?

Mr. Braynin, do you ever intend

to tell us who the candidate is?

You're a smart man.

You can figure it out yourself.

Okay.

Let's see. The Russian

presidential election...

is in five months and...

When you say "The Campaign",

you don't mean the...

No! No names.

Not now.

But yes, your

assumption is correct.

Heaven!

George, it's Joe.

We have to talk.

Joe? You sound tense.

Man, you gotta find

your equilibrium like I did.

I got a guy on the line...

who wants us for a gig.

Wrong number, Joe.

I'm now a full time

spiritual rejuvenator.

The gig is in Russia and I think

it's for Yeltsin.

You think it's for Yeltsin?

- What does the client think?

- He didn't say.

He wouldn't say, not on the phone.

Let me get him on the phone.

You can judge for yourself.

Hang on one second.

Mr. Braynin, you are now on

with my partner George Gorton.

Mr. Gorton, big pleasure.

Name is Felix Braynin.

I'm a Russian-American

businessman.

His references

are good and long, George.

Congratulations, Mr. Braynin.

You make America proud,

I'm sure.

Now, whose campaign do you

want us to work on?

Mr. Gorton, I can't possibly divulge

any more information at this time.

Thanks for your interest, Let us send

you some literature on what we do...

and then you can make

an informed choice.

No, wait.

We know all about you.

You were highly recommended.

Mr. Braynin, could I just put you

on hold for one more second?

We'll be right back with you.

Hang on there.

George, I know

what you're thinking.

And you're about

to f*** yourself?

No, now listen, George.

Okay, he is probably nuts. That

would make a lot of sense...

but did you ever think for a second,

just one second here...

that he actually

may be for real?

I mean, you know,

what if this is Yeltsin?

If?

If my grandmother had balls...

she'd be my grandfather.

George, I need you

to concentrate, okay?

George, listen to me. This is

the first free election in Russia!

The expected voter turnout

is sixty-three percent.

George, that is

ninety million people.

No consultant has ever moved

those kinds of number before.

I mean, for Christ's sake, George,

this could be the Mount Everest...

of consulting.

George?

- Hello.

- Are you listening to me?

Yeah.

No, I'm multitasking.

Let me just get

Dick on the line, okay?

- He's good at cutting the bullshit.

- He's gonna need a big knife.

Hello.

Dick, this is George

and Joe here.

We have a Yakov Smirnoff

on hold.

Says he wants us

for a big gig in Russia...

- maybe for Yeltsin.

F- Y-I...

the biggest election

in the history of democracy.

I'm in. Why not?

I have nothing to do.

Okay, now we're talking.

Hang on.

Mr. Braynin, Dick Dresner

has joined us here.

Mr. Braynin, it's Dick Dresner.

How much money do you have

to spend on this campaign?

Unlimited. Whatever it takes

to win.

For something like this, you're gonna

need state-of-the-art everything.

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