Spy Page #12

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Nice ice, Solsa.

Right.

He's all yours.

Gentlemen,

if you would follow me.

Here it is.

What is this bullshit?

Bullshit?

Solsa, I'll have you know...

It's the nuke.

Clever girl.

A lead-lined compartment.

Correct.

The lead lining is thick as to

mask any radiation detection.

My father was extremely

good at his job.

Unbelievable!

You could have warned me, Rayna.

I've been throwing

my gym clothes

on top of that thing for a week.

It is beautiful.

Yes, it is.

What the f*** are you doing?

Conducting business.

Put it in the helicopter.

And don't forget my diamonds.

What the f*** is going on?

De Luca played you, Rayna.

And you led him right to it.

You didn't expect me

to let him have it, did you?

I mean, it's like giving a

Stradivarius to a hillbilly.

I have a buyer

who's willing to pay me

500,000,000 Euros for it.

And Dudaev would've

never been able

to get that bomb

onto American soil.

My buyer will have it in the

middle of New York City...

and use it next week.

So, you know,

if you haven't seen

Phantom yet...

So, what?

Does this mean you're gonna

kill me too, Sergio?

I'm afraid so.

Sorry, Rayna.

It's just cleaner that way.

You understand.

Explain it to me, De Luca!

God. He means well.

This day just keeps getting

better and better.

Thanks for the

performance, folks.

But sorry, Rayna, show's over.

Go! Go!

Holy sh*t.

Where's De Luca?

Susan!

Get down!

No!

Whoa!

I should have killed you

when I had the chance.

Rayna!

What?

Under the car!

Push it over!

Seriously?

God, use those f***ing

bird arms and push it!

What happened?

Did I get him?

De Luca's got the bomb

on the helicopter. Get up!

F*** me!

I got this.

No!

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!

Hurry up!

Come on!

Kill her!

I've got this.

I've done this before!

Cooper, you're gonna

f*** this up!

Shut up and help!

Are you kidding me?

Ford, what the hell

are you doing?

I'm gonna crawl up you...

and take out De Luca.

Get your hands off my b*obs!

I'm saving you!

My God.

Those do not belong on those!

I can't get a good grip.

Your pants are too slippery!

You should have worn

coarser pants.

Well, I'm tired of wearing

my f***ing sandpaper pants.

Clench your ass!

Clench your f***ing ass!

Get out of there!

Help me out!

You motherf***er!

I'm gonna report you to HR.

Hang on tight!

I'm gonna swing like

I'm on a trapeze,

and leap my way up

to the cockpit...

I told you you was gonna

f*** this up, Cooper!

Holy smokes!

Ooh, that's high!

God damn it!

F***ing new suit.

This sh*t ends now!

Freeze!

My God!

I am not in the f***ing mood

for your bullshit!

Yeah? Then you'll love this!

I am not in the mood

for your bullshit!

Back up!

Sorry, spy.

Playtime's over.

Yeah, it is.

Say goodbye to your toys!

What are you doing?

Don't you dare!

My God!

Don't!

No!

My God!

Die!

I just shot a man!

Is it wrong it felt so right?

It's so me!

Hey! Heroic lady!

In my country,

there is a saying

about women like you...

"Hot as f***!"

God. Not now, Aldo.

Go, Susan!

That was not part of my plan.

Just like a woman

to wear jewelry into battle.

Although, this is the ugliest

f***ing necklace I've ever seen!

Yes, it is.

And it's all yours...

with an adjustable toggle!

Here we go. No problem.

Come on!

Okay!

All right, I got it.

I got it.

Nice copter!

Where'd you get it?

It's 50 Cent's!

I had to deputize him

to let us use it!

He is so afraid of me!

I'm a motherfucking spy!

Let's go shoot somebody else!

Simmer down, 50 Cent,

or I'll mount you again.

This day is just getting

better and better!

He wants me!

I think we should land.

I dropped a nuke in the water.

Good job, guys.

Sorry about the lake.

All right, motherf***er,

don't push.

You're gonna get your pictures.

There's enough 50 to go around.

You know I just helped

kill a terrorist, right?

You ever see Kanye

do some sh*t like that?

He never, never!

Isn't this wonderful?

I was hoping to spend

the rest of my life in jail.

Give me some quality time

to deal with the fact...

that I was sleeping with

the man who killed my father.

Anyway. Call my lawyer.

Get the Goyard tote

from the hotel.

I need everything on time...

Do you think

I still work for you?

Whatever. F*** you.

I knew you really liked me.

Hey!

F*** you too.

Don't touch my f***ing hair!

What are you looking at?

God, Aldo, don't...

I am too tired

to fend off your groping.

Please.

I understand completely.

Look, my real name is Albert...

MI6.

Look, I'm sorry if

my disguise was a bit much.

I just like to really

get into character.

Although I fear

I may have become

overexcited at certain points.

Little bit.

By way of apology...

should your work ever

bring you to London...

I would love

to take you for dinner.

Okay. Yeah,

I think that would be nice.

Wonderful.

God!

How you like my English accent?

I learn it from

the Downton Abbey.

No, I'm only joking.

Or am I?

My God.

Coop.

Great work.

What a job.

Super Cooper.

Really amazing.

- Thanks.

- Yes, it was.

You really came through.

Thank you, ma'am.

I'd like to keep you

out in the field for now.

Wow.

We need you to fly

to Prague tomorrow...

to infiltrate an international

drug-smuggling ring.

Here's your new identity.

You in, Cooper?

Agent Susan Cooper

reporting for duty, ma'am.

Nobody says or does that, but great.

I won't do that.

Okay.

Thank you.

Francis Mays is an

unemployed telemarketer

living off her

disability checks.

Sweet Jesus!

And who wears reading glasses

in their passport photo?

She's only kidding.

She got ya!

My God!

That was a good one!

Yeah, actually, I'm not.

I don't have a sense of humor.

No, you don't.

We'll talk soon.

Glad the pinkeye

is under control.

That was actually an allergy...

Okay. Got it.

So, you're a spy now, Coop.

Yeah.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

I don't think

I'll ever find anyone

as good as you in the basement.

I think you will.

There's a lot of good people

down there.

So, hey...

I know a great little

restaurant right near here.

Maybe you and I could go

for a nice, long dinner?

You know what,

I'm just kind of feeling

like a girls' night.

You understand, right?

Yeah, sure.

I'll catch you later.

You go have a great time.

Thank you.

You're a lot furrier

than I thought you'd be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Smell you later, pal.

Hey, Coop.

All those things you said

about me to De Luca...

Did you mean that?

God, I admire you.

Glad you're still

alive, Beverly,

you silly f***ing girly wanker!

God!

Nice work, Cooper.

Wow. Is that a compliment?

That's not easy for you to do.

F*** it.

Look, you did a good job.

Probably just beginner's

luck, though.

There we go.

Where did you get a suit?

I f***ing made it, didn't I?

It's nice.

You still out of the CIA?

Probably not.

They need me.

I think I need to spend some

time on my own first, though.

Clear my head.

I'm gonna take this

down the coast.

Maybe spend some time in Italy.

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