Stakeout Page #2

- What an a**hole.|- Definitely.

Hey! Hey! I don't want to hear|that kind of crap.

And I don't want to hear that|someone else heard it either, got it?

Now, this is a 24-hour surveillance.|Jack and Phil will take the day shift.

- Chris and Bill the nights. Same routine as last time.|- Aw,Jesus.

- Something bothering you, Mr Coldshank?|- No, no.

Don't bullshit me.|What's on your so-called mind?

Well, if it's all the same to you, sir, uh, I'd|just as soon not be on a stake-out with them again.

- Hear, hear, sir.|- Why?

- Why?|- Yeah. Why?

- Chris and Bill are slobs, sir. No, no. No, no, no.|- The worst. The worst.

The last stake-out that Jack and I were on with|them, they never once cleaned up after themselves.

- I mean, look at them. Smell them.|- Lick my left one, buddy.

- You left cigar butts all over the place.|- Oh, please.

- You guys never once changed the toilet paper. What, you don't wipe yourself?|- You are disgusting.

- You are filth.|- Hey, what about his dog?

- He let his dog piss all over the carpet.|- Hey, that's a goddam lie!

Come on, come on, come on, come on! Don't|blame it on the dog. Phil did all the pissing.

- How'd you like me to piss on you? -|Sit down! - You see this? - Sit down!

- Think I broke my zipper.|- That's enough.

Now, this is not an invitation|to a prom, boys.

I don't give a sh*t|if you don't like the date.

Now, you gentlemen are going to watch this broad|until the fat lady sings or I say different.

And if you f*** this up,|I'm gonna take your nuts...

and tie 'em in a knot|and run 'em through my shredder.

- Captain?|- Yeah?

- Phil doesn't have any nuts, sir.|- Get out. Get out. Get out.

Downwind, please. Please.

All right, that's hers.

And we're there.

Home, sweet home.

I don't know. I just hope|the place has got some heat.

- Carol's okay with all this, isn't she?|- Yeah.

Bonnie's gonna kill me if she ever finds out|we're gonna be here for a couple of weeks.

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho|It's off to work we go

Oh, God.

Lucy!|You got some explaining to do.

Very attractive. Yeah.|I think Jason lives here.

- What a nightmare.|- Really.

What the hell did we do|to deserve this?

I think it was that stripper|we sent to the captain on his birthday.

I told you we should have|sent the woman.

Yeah, I think you're right.|I screwed up.

- Hello?|- Hello, baby.

- Hi. Where are you?|- Well, right now, I am freezing my butt off...

staring through a telescope|at a house on Speck Road.

Didn't anyone ever tell you|that's against the law?

- Yeah, right.|- No personal calls, no personal calls.

Chris and I got a stake-out,|the night shift.

That does it. I'm crossing|the captain off the Christmas list.

Yeah.

- Uh, Chris says hi.|- That's nice.

- So how long is this one supposed to take?|- Couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks? Jeffrey will be|full grown next time you see him.

Yeah, I know.|I hope he remembers me.

All right, listen, I gotta go, okay?|All right, I love you.

- I love you too.|- Be good. Bye.

Bye-bye.

Pizza.

I think we're in luck.

We got every room covered,|except the bathroom.

- Hey, you know, maybe you should call Bonnie.|- She'll only yell. I'm not in the mood.

- Well, I can call her. You want me to call?|- No, no, no. That's okay. I- I can call her.

I can take care of my own love life,|thank you very much. Get away. Get away.

She's probably in bed|with some other guy.

- Poor bastard.|- Poor bastard.

- So, who we watching anyway?|- Uh, Miss Maria Guadalupe-

- Guadalupe.|- McGuire.

Irish-Mexican. A waitress going to night|school, but apparently not this quarter.

She drives a 1980 Volkswagen.|Lives alone.

- Nothing.|- Long, brown hair. Brown eyes.

- Five-foot-six. Too tall.|- Too tall. For us anyway.

Oh, and the moment|we've all been waiting for-

313 pounds.

313 pounds?|Let me see that.

- I would imagine that's fully clothed.|- Oh, my God!

Oh, she could be the house.|This is disgusting.

I hate this job.

- "They're dustin' off the hot seat for me. "|- On the Waterfront.

- Who said it?|- Um, Lee J. Cobb.

All right, uh, 16th president|of the United States?

- Uh, I don't know.|- I'll give you a hint.

- Abe Lincoln.|- Right, right.

Okay, okay, what movie?|What movie? Um-

"Well, this was not|a boating accident. "

- I don't know.|- Oh, you're hopeless.

- Fifteenth president of the United States?|- Um, I don't know. Fillmore?

Buchanan.|Give me another one.

- 1980 Volkswagen, right?|- Right.

The rock's in the sock.|We got some movement, buddy.

This is Guadalupe?

Turn around.

I think she's gone on a diet.

- Are you gonna shoot pictures or draw some from memory?|- Right, right, right, right, right, right.

Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Pardon me, pardon|me. Excuse me. My fault. There you go. There you go.

God, she's cute.

- It's 2:
30.|- Better make some notes.

She's, uh, walking into the kitchen.

- Now she's walking across the room.|- Where's she goin'?

Looks to be the bedroom.

- What's she doin'?|- Uh, looks like, uh-

Like what?

Like she's undressing.

My God!

Oh, wow. Oh, yeah.|Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

- No, no, no. No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!|- No! No! No! No! No!

- "To protect and to serve. "|- Oh, oh, oh, I love my job so much.

Jack,Jack.|Winston, take a break.

- Good dog. You like that?|- What? You teach him that?

- That's good. That's good.|- Yesterday. Yesterday. Yeah.

Oh, sh-|Will you stop that?

Such a kid sometimes.

Oh, yeah. Finally.

She came in at 2:30 in the morning.|She hasn't been up since. Goodbye.

Just replace what you steal,|all right?

What a dump.

- Looks like your place, huh, Phil?|- Funny.

- Watch Winston, will ya? I'm gonna go take a break.|- All right.

- It's started.|- Cute.

Very cute! Amateurs.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

- Yeah?|- So, the answer to the quiz...

why didn't Bonnie answer the phone|is that she's moved out.

Do you know what time it is?

Yeah, I know what time it is. What do|you want to do, go back to sleep?

I already tried that.|It's too goddam light.

Well, then pull the shades.

I can't.|She took 'em.

She took the shades?

She paid for 'em.

Sorry I didn't get the phone.

All right, what do you want me to do?|Let you go back to sleep?

Um, no, no.

Look, there's nothing you can|do about it right now anyway.

- Did you crack the seal yet?|- Nope.

- Well, then, put it back.|- Okay, Dad.

Oh, oh, good news.|We, uh- We get the phone bug tonight.

Yippee.|Kiss Carol for me.

Lower. Goodbye.

- How's Chris?|- Okay.

- And how are you?|- I'm tired.

- Tired?|- Hmm. Not that tired.

I was lookin'over your shoulder

You were next to me, oh

You ever think about|what happens after you die?

After I die? Yeah.

You know what's gonna happen?|I'm gonna be reincarnated...

as a judge.

All right, forget it.|Bad topic.

So, I want to get paid, right?|Figure she still has your money?

- Oh, I know she's still got my money.|- How do you know? You haven't seen her in a year and a half.

Because she doesn't even know|she's got it.

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