Stalag 17 Page #20

HARRY:

(climbing off the

stool)

Well! Glad to have you with the

organization!

STOSH:

You're just in time for the Christmas

Pageant.

BAGRADIAN:

Looks more like the lost company of

Tobacco Road.

P.O.W. WITH BARRACK BAGS

(indicating Bagradian)

He's an actor. You should see him do

imitations. He can imitate anybody.

HARRY:

If he can imitate a girl, he's made.

P.O.W.

Hey -- do Lionel Barrymore.

STOSH:

Do Grable.

HOFFY:

Stop it, boys. They were shot down

two days ago and they've been on

their feet ever since.

(to Stosh and Harry)

Fix them some tea, will you?

(to Dunbar and

Bagradian)

Price will show you your bunks.

Price leads them towards the bunks which were formerly

occupied by Manfredi and Johnson, the P.O.W. with the barrack

bags following them.

PRICE:

We had a couple of unexpected

vacancies. Which one will it be --

the upper or lower, Lieutenant Dunbar?

DUNBAR:

Doesn't matter.

Cookie is just finished shaving Sefton. Sefton turns in his

chair.

SEFTON:

Lieutenant Dunbar? It wouldn't be

James Schuyler Dunbar? From Boston?

DUNBAR:

Yes, it would. Do we know each other?

STOSH:

(indicating Sefton)

He's from Boston, too. But you

wouldn't know him, not unless you

had your house robbed.

Sefton gets up, wiping the soap off his ears with the towel.

SEFTON:

Maybe he would. We applied for

Officers' Training together, remember?

They turned me down, but I'm glad to

see you made it. Of course, it

couldn't be that all that dough behind

you had something to do with it!

(to the others)

His mother's got twenty million

dollars.

DUNBAR:

Twenty-five.

SEFTON:

They've got a summer house in

Nantucket, with an upstairs polo

field.

(to Price)

You better put a canopy over his

bunk.

HOFFY:

Lay off, Sefton.

SEFTON:

(to Dunbar)

With your mother's pull, how come

you're not a chicken colonel by now?

HOFFY:

Lay off, I said -- if you don't want

your head handed to you.

HARRY:

(from the table)

Tea is being served on the verandah!

Harry sets two chow cans on the table.

HARRY:

(to Stosh)

Where are the napkins, Animal?

Stosh tears off two sheets of toilet paper from a roll,

separates them and puts them next to the chow cans. By now,

Dunbar and Bagradian come over to the table.

BAGRADIAN:

(to Dunbar, a la Ronald

Colman)

Do be seated, Bonita. What a perfectly

charming table arrangement. They

must have copied it from House

Beautiful.

Stosh starts pouring hot water from the pot.

HARRY:

Animal! How many times have I told

you, you got to pour from the left!

Stosh reverses his direction. Harry has taken a faded tea

bag out of his watch pocket. He dunks it three times into

each chow can. Then, looking at the tea bag as if it were a

watch:

HARRY:

Dinner will be served at seven sharp.

Black tie.

He puts the tea bag back into his watch pocket.

HOFFY:

Where'd they get you, Lieutenant?

Over Frankfurt?

DUNBAR:

On the Schweinfurt run.

HOFFY:

How many ships did you lose?

DUNBAR:

Half the group.

PRICE:

Flying out of England?

DUNBAR:

Yes. Paddington, 92nd Bomber Group.

BLONDIE:

(wide-eyed)

Hey, Lieutenant. How did you blow up

that train with fifty guards around?

DUNBAR:

Just lucky, I guess.

BAGRADIAN:

Don't let him kid you. Cagney couldn't

have pulled a sweeter job.

(a la Cagney)

All right, boys. We were waiting in

the depot in Frankfurt, see? And

there was an ammunition train coming

through, the longest ammunition train

you ever saw, see? So Dunbar gets

himself in the men's room, see? Fixes

himself a time bomb, busts open the

window and just as the train moves

out, lays the thing in there, see?

So then, he comes out like nothing's

happened and three minutes later you

can hear it -- boom! Broke every

window in Frankfurt. It was gorgeous!

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