Stalag 17 Page #7

VON SCHERBACH:

Look at that mud. Come spring -- and

I do hope you'll still be with us

next spring -- we shall plant some

grass here -- and perhaps some

daffodils --

He turns to the Lieutenant for the tabulations.

VON SCHERBACH:

Ich bitte!

LIEUTENANT:

(checking the papers)

Melde gehorchsamst: 628 Gefangene.

Zwei Mann fehlen in Baracke vier.

VON SCHERBACH:

(to the P.O.W.s)

I understand we are minus two men

this morning. I am surprised at you,

gentlemen. Here I am trying to be

your friend and you do these

embarrassing things to me. Don't you

know this could get me into hot water

with the High Command? They do not

like men escaping from Stalag 17 -

especially, not enemy airmen from

Compound D. We plucked you out of

the skies and now we must see to it

you do not fly away. Because you

would come back and blast our cities

again. The High Command would be

very angry with me. They would strip

me of my rank. They would courtmartial

me, after all these years of a perfect

record! Now you wouldn't want that

to happen to me, would you?

Fortunately, those two men --

From the ranks of the men comes the EERIE DISSONANT SOUNDS

of Joey's SWEET POTATO.

Joey, in the second row of the Barrack 4 company, is playing

on his ocarina, oblivious to what is going on. Stosh turns

and quickly grabs the ocarina from Joey's mouth.

Von Scherbach chooses to disregard the little musical

interlude.

VON SCHERBACH:

As I was saying:
fortunately those

two men did not get very far. They

had the good sense to rejoin us again,

so my record would stand unblemished.

Nobody has ever escaped from Stalag

17. Not alive, anyway.

He snaps his fingers in the direction of the guard who stands

watch over the corpses.

The guard pulls back the blanket in such a manner that all

we can see is the barrack bag tied to Johnson's leg.

The P.O.W.s however see the corpses. There is an ANGRY BUZZ.

Hoffy marches up to Von Scherbach.

HOFFY:

(saluting)

Sergeant Hoffman from Barrack 4.

VON SCHERBACH:

Yes, Sergeant Hoffman?

HOFFY:

As the duly elected Compound Chief,

I protest the way these bodies are

left lying in the mud.

VON SCHERBACH:

Anything else?

HOFFY:

Yes. According to the Geneva

Convention, dead prisoners are to be

given a decent burial.

VON SCHERBACH:

Of course. I'm aware of the Geneva

Convention. They will be given the

burial they deserve. Or perhaps you

would suggest we haul in twenty-one

cannons from the Eastern Front and

give them a twenty-one gun salute?

Hoffy turns on his heel and walks back to his men.

Von Scherbach, without even looking at the corpses, snaps

his fingers. The guard throws the blanket back over the

bodies.

VON SCHERBACH:

For the last time, gentlemen, let me

remind you:
any prisoners found

outside the barracks after lights

out will be shot on sight.

Furthermore, the iron stove in Barrack

4, the one camouflaging the trap

door, will be removed. And so that

the men from this barrack will not

suffer from the cold, they will keep

warm by filling in the escape tunnel.

Is that clear?

The men just stand there, in frustrated anger. Stosh clenches

the ocarina in his first.

VON SCHERBACH:

All right, then, gentlemen. We are

all friends again. And with Christmas

coming on, I have a special treat

for you. I'll have you all deloused

for the holidays. And I'll have a

little tree for every barrack. You

will like that.

Stosh, with a quick underhand flip, throws the sweet potato

in the direction of Von Scherbach.

It lands smack in the middle of the puddle in front of Von

Scherbach and splashes his boots with mud.

VON SCHERBACH:

(stiffening)

Who did this?

Absolute silence.

VON SCHERBACH:

I will give the funny man exactly

five seconds to step forward.

He looks about the compound. Five seconds pass. Nobody moves.

VON SCHERBACH:

Then you shall all stand here if it

takes all day and all night.

From the ranks of the men of Barrack 4, Stosh steps forward.

VON SCHERBACH:

That is better!

But his triumph is short-lived, for almost instantly Harry

steps forward alongside Stosh. Then Duke and Blondie and

Cookie. Spontaneously, men from all the other barracks follow

until all the P.O.W.s have moved forward one step.

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