Stalker Page #6

I haven't done any good in this world,

and I can't do any.

I couldn't give anything

even to my wife.

I can't have any friends either.

But don't take mine from me!

They'd already taken everything from

me back there, behind the barbed wire.

So all that's mine is here.

You understand? Here! In the Zone!

My happiness, my freedom,

my self-respect, it's all here!

I bring here people like me,

desperate and tormented.

People who have nothing else

to hope for.

And I can help them!

No one else can help them,

only I, the louse, can!

I'm so happy to be able to help them

that I want to cry.

And that's all.

I don't want anything more.

I don't know. Maybe.

Anyway, excuse me, but...

You're just a God's fool.

You have no idea

what's going on here.

Why do you think Porcupine

hanged himself?

He came to the Zone

with a mercenary motive.

He made his brother die

in the meat mincer because of money.

I know.

But why did he hang himself?

Why didn't he come here again,

not for money, but for his brother?

In way of repenting.

He wanted to... I don't know.

He hanged himself a week later.

Because he realized that

not just any wish comes true here,

but only your innermost wish.

Not what would you holler

at the top of your voice...

Coming true here is

only what's in line with your nature,

with your essence,

of which you know nothing.

But it's there, in you,

directing you all your life.

You didn't understand anything,

Leather Stocking.

It wasn't greed that had done

Porcupine in.

He was crawling in this puddle,

begging to bring his brother back.

But what he got was only money,

and he couldn't get anything else,

because render unto Porcupine

the things that are Porcupine's!

And things like conscience, anguish,

they are just inventions.

He realized that and hanged himself.

I'm not going to your room.

I have no wish to pour my filth

over somebody's head.

Even yours.

And then to put my neck into

the noose, like Porcupine.

I'd rather drink myself to death

in my mansion, in peace and quiet.

You don't understand anything

about human beings, Chingachgook,

if you take to the Zone

people like me.

And something else...

Why do you think that this miracle

really exists?

Who told you that wishes

actually come true here?

Have you seen a single man

who's been made happy here?

Was it Porcupine?

As a matter of fact,

who told you about the Zone,

about Porcupine, about that room?

He did.

Then it makes no sense to me at all.

What's the use coming here?

It's so quiet...

Can you feel it?

What the heck... Why not chuck it all,

take my wife, Monkey,

and move over here.

For good.

There's no one here.

No one can hurt them here.

So you're back.

Where did you get this?

He got attached to me.

I couldn't leave him there.

Well, shall we go?

Monkey is waiting.

Are you coming?

Does any one of you need a dog?

I've got five of them at home.

So you love dogs, don't you?

What?

That's very good.

All right, let's go.

You can't even imagine

how tired I am!

God only knows!

Calling themselves intellectuals,

those writers and scientists!

Don't get so excited.

They don't believe in anything!

They've got the organ with which one

believes atrophied for lack of use.

Stop it. Come on.

Go to bed. Don't lie here...

It's too damp here for you...

You shouldn't lie here.

Take it off.

Oh God, what people...

Calm down, it's not their fault.

You ought to pity them,

not to be angry with them.

Haven't you seen them? They've

got empty eyes.

The only thing

they can think about

is how to sell themselves

not too cheap!

How to get as much as possible

for their every emotional movement!

They know they were "born for

a purpose", "called upon"!

After all, they live "only once"!

Can people like that

believe in anything?

Stop it, calm down.

Try to sleep, will you?

Go to sleep.

And nobody believes.

Not only those two. Nobody!

Who am I going to take there?

Oh, God...

And what's most awful...

is that no one needs it.

No one needs that room.

And all my efforts are just in vain.

Why do you say that?

Stop it.

I'm not going there with anybody

again.

Do you want me to go with you?

Where?

You think I've got nothing

to ask for?

No...

You can't go there.

Why not?

No, no.

What if it wouldn't work

with you, either?

You know, my mother was against it.

You've probably noticed already

that he's not of this world.

All our neighborhood laughed at him.

He was such a bungler,

he looked so pitiful.

My mother used to say:

"He's a stalker,

he's doomed,

he's an eternal prisoner!

Don't you know what kind of

children the stalkers have?"

And I... I didn't even argue with her.

I knew it all myself,

that he was doomed,

that he was an eternal prisoner,

and about the children.

Only what could I do?

I was sure

I would be happy with him.

Of course, I knew I'd have a lot of

sorrow, too.

But it's better to have

a bitter happiness than...

a gray, dull life.

Perhaps,

I thought it all up later.

But then he approached me and said:

"Come with me."

And I did,

and never regretted it.

Never.

We had a lot of sorrow,

a lot of fear, and a lot of shame.

But I never regretted it,

and I never envied anyone.

It's just our fate, our life,

that's how we are.

And if we haven't had our misfortunes,

we wouldn't have been better off.

It would have been worse.

Because in that case, there wouldn't

have been any happiness.

And there wouldn't have been

any hope.

I love your eyes, my darling friend,

Their play, so passionate and

bright'ning,

When a sudden stare up you send,

And like a heaven-blown lightning,

It'd take in all from end to end.

But there's more that I admire:

Your eyes when they're downcast

In bursts of love-inspired fire,

And through the eyelash goes fast

A somber, dull call of desire...

The End

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