Stardust Memories

Well, I thought it was

terrible. Absolutely terrible.

- I don't recall seeing anything this bad.

- You're not kidding.

This man is sick.

I mean, what is this thing?

I thought this was

supposed to be a comedy.

That was the most horrifying

thing I've ever seen!

- Seagulls. Dead cars.

- Just horrible. This is a disgrace.

- He has no balance left.

- I just don't get it.

- Listen, I think the guys losing his mind.

- Somebody, please cut that projector.

- Something wrong with him.

- He's out of balance.

He's not funny anymore.

$12 million for that garbage?

What self - indulgence!

- Okay, lets not panic.

- I think the manss lost his mind.

We can take the film away from him,

we can reshoot it, we can recut it.

Maybe we can salvage something.

He's pretentious. His

filming style is too fancy.

His insights are shallow and morbid.

I've seen it all before.

They try to document their private

suffering and fob it off as art.

What does he have to suffer about?

Doesn't the man know he's

got the greatest gift

that anyone can have, the gift of laughter?

No, I don't think I'm gonna make it.

We're sitting here in what looks like

a truck route or something, you know.

I don't know what the hellss

going on. Hold on one second.

George, that guys parked, you know?

You can just drive around

him. You don't have to...

You know, it's crazy.

The town is jammed.

I don't know. Is the Pope in town,

or some other show-business figure?

Oh, my God. Do you know what I forgot?

I forgot to cancel your lunch with

the editor of Newsweek. My fault.

And, you know, you were supposed to tell

me about the public television thing.

You know, I remembered that.

And you were supposed to send the

limousine to the airport for my parents.

I know, sweetheart.

It's just that the cast came off my

finger, so I was at the doctor yesterday.

Look, that ones my fault. Listen,

I made a couple of changes.

You have the analyst at 2:00 instead of 3:00,

I moved your tennis lesson up an hour,

the chiropodist is at 4:00,

and we moved the hair treatment to Friday.

I'm sorry, Wednesday. No, Thursday.

Thursday at 2:
00 is the hair treatment.

Can I please get your signature

on this oil shelter thing?

- Oil? You told me cattle.

- The cattle died.

- Did Isobel call?

- Has anybody given any thought

to Time magazine? Cause I

said I'd get back to them.

Your cousin called. He

needs to borrow more money.

Jeez!

Don't bug him about the Time cover.

He can do it after the weekend.

I don't want to go away this weekend.

Who needs a festival of my old films?

- Sign here, please.

- It's ridiculous.

And don't worry about that income tax thing.

I'll be with you when you go

to see the Treasury agents.

Treasury agents? Since

when is it that serious?

Look, Sandy, this is two lousy days.

You drive up there, they honor

you, they show your films,

they ask you a couple of stupid

questions, and you go home.

I don't wanna be honored. It's a hype!

Don't be ungrateful. She's

an important film critic.

You promised. They sold a lot

of tickets. You can't back out.

You might enjoy it.

The nice clean sea air.

Sandy, we've gotta talk about

the new picture.

What do you want me to say?

I don't wanna make funny movies anymore.

They can't force me to.

You know, I don't feel funny.

I look around the world and

all I see is human suffering.

Human suffering doesn't

sell tickets in Kansas City.

They want laughs in Kansas City.

They've been working in

the wheat fields all day.

Hey, fellas, I'm getting a headache.

Can I please get some privacy?

Your problem is, you never

got over Nat Bernsteins death.

Of course I never got over...

The guy was 30 years old,

never sick a day in his life,

and then suddenly, out of left

field, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

It was horrible.

He was laying there in the hospital,

his body degenerated like Lou Gehrig.

You could use this

weekend at the seashore.

You know something? You should take a month.

I don't... My mother used to...

When I was a kid, my mother

took me to the seashore.

Little old decaying hotels

and awnings, you know.

These are Valium.

Great, just what I... Another

show business tranquilizer.

Hey, did anybody read on the front page

of the Times that matter is decaying?

Am I the only one that saw that? The

universe is gradually breaking down.

There's not gonna be anything left.

I'm not talking about my

stupid little films here.

Eventually there's not gonna be

any Beethoven or Shakespeare or...

Yeah, yeah. Go to the

seashore. MANAGER: Have a nice weekend.

Great.

What are you thinking

about when you look out there?

Just, you know, all those people and...

You know, how unhappy most of them are and...

Those terrible things they do

to each other and, you know...

Everythings over so quickly

and you don't have any idea of

was it worth it or not, you know.

Is there any way I can cheer you up?

No, there's... What do you have in mind?

- You smell nice.

- Yeah?

That aftershave, it just made

my whole childhood come back

with a sudden Proustian rush.

That's cause I'm wearing

Proustian Rush by Chanel.

It's reduced, so I got a vat of it.

Listen, why don't I just

run down and get some food,

and well stay in tonight and Ill cook?

Well, the last time you cooked,

the kitchen looked like Hiroshima.

Yeah, we had a good time.

I could do my mothers recipe for

Filet de boeuf fourr Prigourdine.

I could do sweet potato rum casserole.

Yeah? No beverage?

I think they've been putting

something wonderful in your lithium.

I've stopped taking the lithium.

Oh, Jesus, you're kidding!

Dorrie, that's not a good idea.

You know, you can't just

go on and off it like that.

I don't think it does much good.

You're wrong, ccause I notice a difference.

You know, you can't...

It's a pain to keep

getting my blood checked.

- I'm sure it is.

- I feel heavy, and...

But, you know, it's better for you.

You know, it's not a good

thing to just go... Really.

You are the best kisser.

That was my major in college.

Mr. Bates! Mr. Bates, come here at once!

- Please, Mr. Bates, the stoves on fire!

- What's the matter with you?

- Put it out! Put it out!

- Will you stop being so hysterical?

Every night it's a fire.

You don't know how to work the stove yet?

- I worked it perfectly.

- For Gods sake.

You do nothing but start fires here.

- I did just what you...

- Here. Be careful.

Jesus. It's a simple stove!

And every night you set

the apartment on fire!

- Maybe it's defective.

- All right, relax. And no rabbit.

How many times have I told you? No rabbit.

I thought you only meant just that one time.

No. Never. Never! I never

want rabbit. I don't eat rodent.

- I understand now.

- You understand that?

It's fur bearing. Never rabbit.

You never want rabbit. Now that's clear.

Everybody is just ecstatic

that you're here this weekend.

The turnout is tremendous.

And, you know, these film culture

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