Starfish Page #4

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and fill some of the silence.

Grace seems much happier

these days.

Give it a f***ing rest.

- Sorry?

- Why, what are you sorry for?

- You sorry for sticking your nose in?

- Tom...

What?

I... I worry about what's best.

Well, you don't get to decide what's best.

We do that.

You don't get to make the decisions.

We do. I do.

I do that

because they're my kids.

And I'm their father, not you.

YES?

Well, I'm sorry

if you think I'm interfering-

Sorry, yes, you're sorry.

You're so sorry.

Sorry that your daughter

ever f***ing married me.

- That's not fair!

- No, it bloody isn't!

Do you know what else isn't fair, huh?

It's not fair

that we all have to live here.

With each other.

That was another one of your great ideas.

What's fair about that?

Because no one asked me.

We're my feelings ever considered? No.

- And here we bloody are!

- We had to do something.

You were going to lose the house anyway.

- Please - stop it! Stop it!

- Do you think it's fair...

that I got eaten by

some f***ing killer bug?

- Tom!

- And I suppose...

you would think it would be fairer if I

hadn't managed to beat the f***ing thing

and survive.

Perhaps it would have been fairer

if I'd died.

To I everyone else.

Is that what you think? ls it?

Then you could take over completely.

You could run everything Jean's way!

Well, I'm so sorry

to get in the f***ing way!

What?!

It's not me.

It's her.

She's just trying to protect me.

Me and Gracie and Freddy.

She's done everything she can.

We all do everything we can.

We walk on egg shells around you.

You only see

how this thing affects you.

You don't, you won't, see

how it's hurting everybody else.

No, she's...

She's stealing you away from me, Nic.

You and the kids... no, actually no...

It's worse than that.

It's like she is turning me into a kid.

It's like you and her, you're the...

you're the f***ing adults

and I am just another baby

to be spoon fed and cleaned up after.

It's like I'm losing everything.

Everything...

Every last bit of what makes me a man -

it's disappearing.

And then...

after I've lost my dignity

what do I have left?

Nothing.

Nothing, that's it. I can't work.

I can't make money.

I can't give you or Freddy or Grace any...

any of the things I wanted to.

All the things...

all the things I never had.

I can't...

I can't kiss them goodnight.

I can't hold their hands.

I can't even smell them.

I can't smell you any more.

Or make love to you.

I can't, Tom. I can't.

I can't do that any more.

Look at me.

I'm a wreck.

I'm not desirable...

Do you really want to make love to me?

Do you really need another reminder

of what it was like before?

Of what we've lost?

Because I don't.

I just want to get through the days

and get us to some sort of secure place

where if... I don't know.

Some sort of normality that isn't this.

And if we can't ever be truly happy

at least we could have

some sort of happiness around us.

You, Grace and Freddy

are everything to me.

And I'll never stop loving you, Tom.

I'll never stop believing in you.

But... I can't...

I can't make love to you.

I just can't...

I can't be that girl any more.

I've seen and done things

that no lover should have to.

I don't even dream like I used to.

I don't dream at all. I just plan.

And I try and get through the days.

And you make that

so very difficult, Tom.

With your...

with your black moods and...

and the way you hate everybody

and everything.

God knows you have a right

to be angry

but we are not your enemy.

Not me, not Gracie, not Freddy

not my mum.

We're the ones who love you.

We're the ones who go through

that pain with you.

Every inch. Every second. Every day.

And all we get back is more hurt,

more anger, more pain.

God, it's getting like we can't

even breathe when you're around.

You just...

you just suck all the air

out of every room you're in.

Don't leave me, Nic.

Please... please...

Please don't leave me.

Don't you get it?

We're not leaving you.

It's the other way around.

Pass!

Here!

Here!

- I'm gonna shoot!

- Here!

Yeah, here.

Yeah, yeah...

- Oh Joey!

- Idiot! What did you do that for?

You better go get it.

Or get another one.

What a loser!

No wonder his dad ran off.

Tom?

What on earth are you doing?

His ball's gone over the wall.

I'm helping him get it back.

Jean, could you pass me that ladder?

I'm sorry...

Tom?

I'm all right.

I'm all right...

Brilliant!

Never surrenders...

Daddy!

Daddy!

Bloody brilliant.

Bloody brilliant.

I don't ever want to be

A ghost unto to my family

Only in transparency

Haunting never suited me

Though you would never

ask me to

And I don't even have to say

Empires rise and fall

I will hold you still

when they shake

And if you were to lose it all

Well, it happens sometimes

And there would still be this place

Empires rise and fall

I will hold you still

when they shake

And if you were to lose it all

Well, it happens sometimes

And there would still be this place

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