Stars in My Crown Page #5

Parson? Parson?

Parson! Parson!

A man just pulled a watch out of my ear.

Parson gray? Yes, sir.

Your servant, ma'am.

Parson, I'm Sam Houston Jones

From the panhandle of Texas...

a businessman, sir, as you can see.

My line is to make folks

happy inside and out.

Now, in pursuit of my policy,

I aim to put on a little

entertainment tonight in town,

And I'd sure be obliged if you'd come

along and share in the festivities.

I'm prepared to give your church

10% of the proceeds if you do.

Isn't that a little unusual?

Nothing unusual about it...

just stimulates confidence.

See, if I can tell the

folks in these parts

That their Parson's planning on coming,

They'll know it's all

right for them to come, too.

What does your entertainment consist of?

Well, sir, there's a band,

There's Frank Zeke there.

Play any kind of musical

instrument you can mention.

Frank sings, too, he's got a voice

Like a cross-Eyed meadowlark.

I'm the featured

attraction. I do magic tricks

And give educational talks, illustrated.

With a free sample.

What do you say, Parson?

Well, I'm, uh, sorry,

mister... uh, professor Jones.

I'm afraid I can't

accept your kind offer.

Aw!

However...

if you should decide to come to

services at my church next sunday

And put something in the collection,

That's your business.

And, of course, if I

decided to bring my family

To your show tonight,

that's my business.

I won't promise to buy

any medicine, though.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, come here, buckaroo.

Come here, son.

What in the world have

you got in your other ear?

Why, it's not in your ear at all,

There it is right there.

Uncle famous. Good evening, famous.

Evening, Parson.

Step aside, folks,

and let the Parson pass.

Evening, Mrs. Gray. Good evening.

Good evening.

Oh, is that a new hat, Ms. Gray?

No, it isn't new. It's just my old one

With a different ribbon on it.

Step this way, folks.

Right this way.

Let the Parson in there, please.

Hey, Jed.

Hey.

How's that game leg of yours?

Tol'able, J.D., just tol'able.

Maybe you ought to buy

some of that medicine.

They say it's good for old folks.

Don't seem to help you much! Ha ha ha!

I don't think that's very funny.

What's the matter? You feeling bad?

Now, ain't this a silly way

For a full-Grown man to make a living?

All right, now let's get it

nice and quiet here, folks.

Quiet down. Nice and quiet.

My friends, you are about to witness

For the first time on any stage,

A feat of black magic, legerdemain,

And sleight of hand taught

to me by an old indian friend.

A feat astounding, confounding,

and pretty near impossible...

you wait and see if it ain't.

Now I'm gonna require the assistance

Of some young gentleman

from the audience.

How about you, buckaroo?

You'll lend a hand, won't you?

Come on up here. Don't be shy.

You don't have to go up

there if you don't want to.

That's it. Well, it's the Parson's boy.

My goodness sakes.

Fine husky boy you got

here, Parson, yes, sir.

What in the world have

you got in under there now?

Just a minute, let's see.

What in the world is this?

Just look at that.

Look at that!

Does this belong to you?

Now, don't you let it worry you.

You just stand...

now, he's got something in here, too.

Now what in the world is this?

Hold on. Look at that... sausages.

3 sausages, 4 sausages, 5 sausages...

a whole crock of sausages.

Oh, what do you know? He brought

his supper along with him.

You hungry, buckaroo? Of course you are.

I never seen a boy your

age yet that wasn't.

And we're gonna do something

about that right now.

Bring on the fixings, boy.

Yes, sir. Lookahere, buckaroo,

Are you game to sample some

Of my celebrated specialty...

professor Jones' popular 'n

penetratin' pickapoo puddin'?

Won't take but a minute

To throw it together here.

We'll just put some flour

and some water in there,

Then some fine old aged pickle juice.

Put that right in there.

Pulverized apple core,

And some essence of

old rubber overshoes.

Any of you ladies

Out there like a recipe

of this unusual dish,

You're mighty welcome to come around

After the show and ask for it.

Just bring along your

paper and your pencil

And some smelling salts, that's all.

Now a pinch of baking soda.

We'll put that in there.

Some melted candle wax,

And how about it, men...

wouldn't you like to see

Something different on

the table for a change?

Sure would!

Well, you just ask for delicious,

Pernicious pickapoo puddin'.

Now I will finish it off

With a dash of this

famous pickapoo extract.

We'll garnish it with a

tail feather of a tom turkey.

We'll let it simmer awhile,

Put the lid down on it tight closed...

hold that, boy, will you?

Now we'll repeat the magic

formula... abbadickadabba

Duzza duzza buzza da

buzzadabaloo presto chango,

And there's your pudding.

Well, don't you want to

see how it turned out, son?

Come on, let's have a look at it.

That's all today. Thank you very much.

Now, if you folks will gather

in here a little bit closer,

When you hear the name of my product,

Old Jones' lodestone tonic,

Well, friends, there are just

3 words I want you to remember.

What are these 3 words, my friends?

"There is hope," that's what they are.

Now, friends, I don't

care what's your ailment...

be it the lights or the liver,

Be it the nerves of the organ,

Be it recurring, malignant, epidemic...

fetch young doc Harris.

He didn't eat much supper to speak of.

We thought it was just

the excitement of the show.

I'm afraid it's typhoid.

Slow fever?

What can we do?

Not much.

Keep him as comfortable as possible.

Give him a spoonful of

this if he gets restless.

And ice when the fever's bad.

Now, listen.

He's young, and he's strong.

He's got everything on his side.

With a little luck, there's no reason

Why he shouldn't come

through this all right.

Let's go down to the creek.

Let's go swimming.

Let's have a drink.

I'm thirsty... awful thirsty.

The sun's so hot.

Let's put our heads in the water.

You haven't slept for days.

I'm gonna put you to bed.

I'm not tired.

Just lie down a little while, honey.

I'll be right here all the time.

I'll call you if anything...

remember what the doctor said?

It's up to john now.

That's the way.

Days sure seem like

years at a time like this.

All I can think of now is the times

I wasn't sweet to him;

The times I spoke sharply to him.

I don't know if he always understood.

A little boy doesn't

always understand that

You love him and still

speak sharply to him.

It's so hard to know.

He's always been just the

same as my own to me...

just exactly the same.

Maybe it hasn't been the same for him.

I suppose it's foolish of me

To think it could ever be the same.

Don't talk, honey.

I just wish I'd been

sweeter to him, that's all.

He's such a good boy.

He's never done anything really bad.

I just wish I could tell him

What a good boy he's been,

What a blessing.

Harriet!

Aunt Harriet?

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