State of the Union Page #8

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the Democrats?

You're working for

The Thorndyke Press

and The Thorndyke Press

will have its own candidate.

That's why that Convention

must be deadlocked.

And it won't be

unless the leading candidates

are so sore at each other

that they won't

combine forces.

Is that clear?

I want Dewey sore at Taft,

Taft sore at Vandenberg,

Vandenberg sore at Stassen

and all of them sore

at Eisenhower and MacArthur!

Use their wives, their kids,

their Aunt Marthas,

but get them sore.

Dig up anything you can.

And if you can't dig it up...

Chief, I've got nothing

against your candidate.

We all know who it is.

And I'll work for him

in any way

that I legitimately can.

But that's as far as I can go.

Mr. Bradbury,

would you feel happier

working for

some other newspaper?

Yes, I think I would.

I think that can

be arranged.

Anyone else?

Now is the time.

On this issue,

I'm quite prepared

to replace all of you.

Miss Thorndyke, you're mad.

You're as mad as your father.

You can accept

my resignation right now.

That goes for me.

That's exactly

the way I feel.

All right, get out,

all of you.

Editors like you

are a dime a dozen.

Yes?

It's for Mr. Conover,

Wichita calling.

That'll be Brander.

I had him fly out

to hear Grant.

Hello J.B., how are you?

Wait a minute,

there must be some mistake.

Take my word for it,

everything'll be all right.

J.B., now, wait a minute.

He hung up.

What happened?

I don't know.

According to Brander,

Grant's blown his top

on labor.

Yes?

Mr. MacManus

from Wichita.

Spike, what happened?

Grant just lost

the labor vote.

I sent you along

to prevent just that.

I couldn't help it.

He's gotten away from me.

You're a great

campaign manager.

Didn't you look at

that speech before he made it?

No, and I'll tell you why.

I touted him off

that labor stuff in Denver.

She knew he'd change his mind,

and started throwing

those harpoons into him.

You mean, his wife?

I don't mean his Aunt Tilly.

You sent the wrong dame

on this trip, that's all.

And I talked him

into taking her along.

What's he talking about

in Detroit tonight?

How would I know?

I lost my Ouija board.

I told you

we couldn't trust him.

He's believing his own stuff.

If he blows his top

on business, like on labor,

well, I'll blow mine.

That woman's got to him.

She's been feeding him that

"to thine own self be true"

diet.

Get out to Detroit

as fast as you can.

Spike, Jim's flying out.

Book Cadillac Hotel.

Got it?

I'm very sorry boys,

we're way behind schedule.

You can see Mr. Matthews

after his speech tonight.

You need a shave, don't you?

My feet.

My ears.

Those police sirens.

No more

motorcycle escorts, Spike.

We might kill somebody.

I'll arrange that for you

on the way to the banquet.

Where do you want these?

Mary, pick your room.

Wonderful country.

You have to take

the police along

to break the speed laws.

This is a nice room.

You can put those in there.

This is 2419.

Send up a barber right away.

Mary, look at these.

Those can wait.

In one hour,

you're on the air,

coast to coast.

You have to eat, dress, shave,

and interview most of

Detroit in the meantime.

Oh, these are wonderful,

Grant.

All about the Wichita speech.

Yeah.

You never had anything

like this before.

What do you want to eat?

Anything but chicken.

Yeah, look, pinfeathers.

Hello, Room Service?

Hey, babe,

what's with the service?

You'll get your box of candy.

Here's somebody

who didn't like it.

Who's that?

Executive Secretary,

Local 301.

I turned on the radiator,

opened the window.

Oh, all right, thank you.

Hello? Room Service?

Thank you.

This is 2419, will you rush up

three hamburgers, please?

Wait a minute. Onions?

Onions? No!

One with onions.

Two without.

Grant, who's Madman Muntz?

Don't you know?

Uh-uh.

I'm expecting a lot of people

for Mr. Matthews.

Will you shoot them up

to 24th floor, Parlor B

and tell them to wait? Right.

Want a barber?

Not at the moment.

Yes!

Oh, for Mr. Matthews.

Come in.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Mary did you see this?

"Matthews is obvious

presidential timber",

you read that?

Mr. Matthews.

I knew that Wichita speech

would ring the bell.

Yeah, the kid here

tried to talk me out of it.

Dream on, Macduff.

I told you not to be afraid

of shooting the works.

That's how they want

to hear you talk.

Wait 'til you hear me

on industry tonight,

I'm really going to let loose.

Grant, let's not stop.

Let's keep going.

Let's do it all over again.

You want to know something?

I think this trip's

agreed with you.

You have no right

to look so pretty,

a woman of your age.

Oh, Grant.

When you were standing

at the airport in Denver,

I had the strangest sensation.

What sensation?

Mr. Matthews,

I represent 800 members

of the League for

the Abolition of Taxation.

The Government should

earn its own money.

Like the rest of us.

Abolish taxation.

Thank you...

There is no justice

in this great...

Looks a little like

your brother Dick.

Go on, Grant.

Hmm?

What sensation?

Oh, well, you were standing

there at the airport

in the moonlight.

And the wind

from the propeller

was blowing your hair.

And your dress...

Will I get your

other bags now?

Yes, now, just go.

Go on, Grant.

Hmm?

Go on with

what you were saying.

Where was I?

Looking at her

with the wind

blowing her dress,

mannaggia, l'America!

Well, that's the end of that.

I should have

married a barber.

Mary.

Mary, what I was

going to say...

Hey, you should be

getting dressed.

There are people coming...

I love you, Spike,

but sometimes

I wish you'd drop dead.

Too late for apologies.

I could sleep for a week.

"Matthews

obvious presidential."

That's no solution.

I beg your pardon?

That's no solution.

What's that?

You, make a new presidente.

You got a better solution?

My wife, she got.

Your wife?

Sure.

Last night she say, "Pasqua,

"all of the men

and all of the governments

"in all of the world

should be put in jail".

I said, "Maria,

what for you talk

like a Communist"?

She's, like, "Shut up!

"Do you know why

we got no peace?

"Because we got no woman

in the government".

She said,

"Put two roosters together.

What happens?

"Roosters got no brains,

they fight.

"Put 15 roosters together,

what happens?

"15 fight,

"but put 15 hens together

what do you got?

"15 eggs".

"Fight in the Congress",

she say,

"fight in London,

"fight in France, fight here,

fight there. Why?

"No hens in the government"!

So you want

to become a president?

That's no solution.

Your wife.

That's a solution.

Mannaggia!

Grant.

Yoo-hoo.

Mr. Candidate?

Mr. President?

Yes?

That got him.

I just had the darndest dream.

All candidates

have that dream.

On your toes, Matthews.

That man is here.

Jim! Hello, Jim!

What are you doing here?

Hello, Grant. I thought

I'd come and bring you

up to date on things.

Take my wife's solution.

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