Steamboat Round the Bend

Repent, oh, ye sinners!

Oh, ye children of darkness...

behold...

the New Moses.

Fight down the demon rum!

Brother...

I was once a sinner like you.

I was a hog.

I was a slave of the demon rum.

A child of hell!

Yes, sir.

But I was saved by this ribbon.

It raised me from a hog to a man.

It can do the same for you.

Raise your right hand and

take the pledge.

Brother, what do I see in

your hand?

Don't be a hog!

Cast the enemy away!

Bury demon rum in the waters of

the mighty Mississippi!

Fling it away, I say!

I swear that henceforth...

liquor shall never touch my lips.

-Me too.

-Bless you, brother.

Bless you.

Look at that. You see that? See

that picture on there?

Yeah, that's Pocahontas, the

wonderful little...

Indian woman.

You know, you all know the

story of Pocahontas.

You know? That saved John

Smith's life, you know?

Well, John Smith wanted to get

this remedy from...

Pocahontas, you know?

Course, it's just made out of pure

roots and herbs...

that she picked up on the hillside.

But she wouldn't give him this

remedy. He couldn't get it.

He had to marry her to get it.

Oh, yes, he did. He had to marry

her to get the remedy.

And that's how it got into

the Smith family.

And that's been handed down from

generation to generation...

from Smith to Smith right

on down...

and that's how it come clear

down to me.

-My great-grandmother was a Smith.

-Mine too, Doc!

I doubt it. Say, lookee here.

Lookee here, my friend. You don't

look good. Now, you are ill.

You are sick, and you

don't know it.

Well, l-I do feel kind

of bad, Doc.

I knew it.

I could just look at you- Would

you mind stepping up here?

Just get up here on the platform,

will ya?

Now, you folks know that this man

is no confederate of mine.

I never saw him before.

Now, along in the spring, just

about the time...

you should go to plowin'...

why, you feel kind of tired,

don't you?

You're right, Doc.

And you know that I'm right,

don't you?

You know what that is? That's

spring sickness,...

that's what it is.

It's spring sickness, and the only

thing that'll cure...

that is Pocahontas.

Pocahontas. You know, the main

thing about Pocahontas is...

that you can't do a tap of work...

you're not allowed to turn a hand

until the whole bottle is empty.

You mean, I can't even sharpen the

ax for the old woman to cut wood?

Why, you can't even hitch up

the mules for her.

I'll take a bottle, Doc.

Its 50 cents a bottle. l-I haven't

got change for...

that dollar here.

You don't mind just takin' another

bottle, do you?

Because, you know, you're gonna

be tired during the summer...

and that'll carry you over

till I get back.

Now, who else wants a bottle?

You don't have to work.

You can lay off anytime.

I've got a few.

Complete relaxation while you're

taking it. Here you are.

Who'll have another bottle here?

Hey, Doc, let me have one

of them two bits.

Im awful sorry, lady. I haven't

got any more of...

the 10-cent ones.

They're all 25 cents, ma'am.

I didn't have enough.

There you are.

Who'll have another?

-Morning, Captain Eli.

-Hello, Doc.

Make yourself at home.

Say, what in thunder are you doin'?

Im just teaching you how to

salute my boat.

The Claremore Queen. Look at

her layin' over there.

Yeah.

Give her two more toots.

Say, that's four.

-That's a-That's a double salute.

-No.

Just honoring the unburied dead,

that's all.

Yeah, don't-don't try to poke

any fun at that.

Duke and I just bought it.

We saved up every nickel we

got to get that boat.

Duke?

That's your nephew, ain't it?

You bet your life. And he's a

great boy, Duke.

I thought he was pilot on the

Memphis Girl.

Well, he was. He's the main

pilot on there.

But not no more. He's making

his last trip...

and then he's comin' right on

there with me.

You stick to doctoring.

You ain't no steamboat man.

Cramp her, Mink.

Cramp her. Ill take her, Mink.

Well, admittin' Duke's a

pretty good boy...

what could you do on a steamboat?

Well, Im just gonna sit up in the

pilot's house...

and toot the whistle and listen

to that old river sing.

The way you brag, I suppose...

you're fixin' to stick that old

apple crate yonder...

in the big race to Baton Rouge

this summer.

I never had thought of that.

But that's an idea at that.

You know, the Claremore Queen

won that race in '84.

And with... And with Duke

as a pilot...

Ill bet she could win it again.

I suppose you'd like to bet your

boat against my boat...

on the result of that race, huh?

Well, l-I don't know.

Well, Ill bet you at that.

Ill bet you.

You made yourself a bet and lost

yourself a steamboat.

Come up and get it. Come on.

Good-bye, folks. Good-bye.

Ain't you gonna stay ashore here

with us, brother?

The devil's pretty active

around these parts.

Nay, brother. The Lord's a-callin'

me up the river.

Gotta wrestle with the captain of

the Memphis Girl.

He's backslid.

Well, durn my britches! The

Memphis Girl, huh?

Say, Ive got a nephew works

on that boat.

You need anybody to help you

wrestle with the devil,...

he'll help you.

He's the best wrestler in this

whole country.

His name's Duke. Duke's

his name.

Yes, sir. He's pilot of the boat.

Thank you, brother. Ill fetch

him the word.

You tell him to hurry on down

here. I ain't...

any man to be kept waitin'.

Good-bye, brother. Keep the faith.

You can count on me, Moses.

I ain't got no more use for liquor.

Hey, Doc!

That's two bottles you got.

Cost you a dollar.

I ain't got any money, Doc, but

I can work it out.

-'Work it out.' What can you do?

-Steamboat engineer.

Yeah? Steamboat engineer?

Are you an engineer? Huh?

Say, boy, you just drunk yourself

into a job. Come on in here.

Well, engineer, what do

you think of it?

Kind of looks as though a lot

of rats have to...

find themselves a new hole.

Well, of course it don't look

so good right now.

But you got to remember that...

Well, a steamboat...

is a female, you know?

And when they're struttin' up and

down the river where...

everybody's lookin' at 'em...

they're just like a woman with a

new Easter bonnet on.

But when nobody ain't lookin'

at 'em, why...

they get kind of careless and

don't care.

-Yeah-sloppy.

-Sloppy. That's right.

But with a-with a good, live man

on this boat like you are...

say, you can make this thing

perk up and strut.

Get some paint on her nose and get

these chickens out of here.

We can put them right in

the pot now.

Here. Here. Start flirtin'

with that.

But, Doc, you told me yourself

that a...

man couldn't do a lick of work

when he's on Pocahontas.

Oh, that's the first bottle.

But after that...

you've got to work to get the

best results out of it.

Now, hurry up. Duke's gonna be

here any day now...

and he'll be here.

Ooh! Look at that.

It says 'Captain.' It says

'Captain' on it.

Ain't that great? Oh, uh-Oh,

no. No, no.

Now, listen. We'll find a sign

painter up the...

river somewhere...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes