Sting: When the Last Ship Sails Page #5

don't bother big steamers

We're iron below

and steel rigging aloft

Then I'll build a new lighthouse,

for all you big steamers

With plenty wise pilots,

for to pilot you through

Oh, the Channel's as bright

as a ballroom already

And pilots are thicker

than pilchards at Looe

Then what can I do for you,

all you big steamers?

Oh, what can I do,

for your comfort and good?

Send out your big warships

to watch your big waters

That no-one may stop

us from bringing you food

For the bread that you eat,

and the biscuits you nibble

The sweets that you suck,

and the joints that you carve

They are brought to you

daily by all us big steamers

And if any one

hinders our coming...

...you will staaaaaaarve!

That's the Wilson Family.

This next song concerns the

mild hazing that would go on

when an apprentice had his

first day at the shipyard.

You'd be sent for some

spurious nonexistent, um,

item like a left-handed screwdriver,

a glass hammer...

...or you might be sent

for a long wait.

In this case our hapless apprentice

is going to be played by Jimmy.

He does hapless very well.

He's going to be sent for a brace,

that's two, a brace of sky hooks.

Presumably something

that you hook onto the sky.

He's going to be sent for

a packet of nail holes,

and finally two cans of

tartan paint. Thank you.

Oh, and I'm going to make my

debut on the spoons in New York City.

I almost forgot.

Me first day in the shipyard,

the gaffer says to me

I want ye to go to the store lad,

and get a few things, do you see?

Now here's a list, can you read, lad?

Can you read it back to me?

And me and the boys'll listen while

we're having our morning tea

Now reading was me pride,

when I left school at 14

There wouldn't be no problem here,

I'd show them I was keen

But when I starts to reading,

they just couldn't hold their mirth

Splitting their sides and spluttering,

like they was giving birth

First off a brace of sky hooks,

and a packet of nail holes neat

And then three cans of tartan paint,

and that's me task complete

The gaffer swipes me on the heid,

and sends me on me way, he says;

"Don't come back empty-handed lad,

or I'll have to dock your all pay"

So he gets to the store all nervous,

and the quartermaster's there

He pulls the list out of his pocket,

and he starts to read all square

Well, he hadn't barely finished,

when the storeman's face turns red

He gives him such an evil look,

he thought he'd soon be dead!

First off a brace of sky hooks,

and a packet of nail holes neat

And then three cans of tartan paint,

and that's me task complete

The storeman swipes me on the heid,

and sends me on me way

With a kick in the arse for good measure,

and such was my first day...

On the violin,

Kathryn Tickell, thank you.

It's Julian Sutton on

the melodeon, please.

So, I get back home that evening,

and me mother says to me

"How was it, son? How was your day?

Sit down and have some tea!"

I told her of the list I'd read,

and the trouble I was in

I couldn't go back tomorrow else,

the gaffer'd have me skinned

First off a brace of sky hooks,

and a packet of nail holes neat

And then three cans of tartan paint,

and that's me task complete

Me mother swipes me on the heid,

and sends me on me way

With a kick in the arse for me efforts,

and such was my first day

First off a brace of sky hooks,

and a packet of nail holes neat

And then three cans of tartan paint,

and that's me task complete

Me mother swipes me on the heid,

and sends me on me way

With a kick in the

arse for me efforts,

and such was my first

Daaaaaaaay.

It was a doozy!

So, I have a very good friend that

I've known for many years.

Mr. Billy Connolly,

the actor and comedian.

Before he was a famous actor

and comedian he worked

in the shipyards as a welder

in Glasgow, in Scotland,

and he told me some stuff about

welders that I found very amusing.

He said all welders are crazy.

They're crazy because

of the welding fumes

that they have to ingest

for eight-hour shifts.

Also,

they're all practical jokers.

You should never let a welder get

behind you or he'll weld your heels,

the steel toecaps to the

deck and you'll fall over.

The other thing about

welders is all of them sing.

All of them.

Because in the...

welder's helmet there's

a natural echo chamber.

So they all think they're Elvis Presley.

They sing all day.

So this idea really tickled me,

and I wrote this next song.

It's called Jock

The Singing Welder.

Any shipyard man can sing,

when he works upon the hull

Amongst the noise and the

clamour that he all but disregards

So he'll sing to himself,

and no-one pays him any mind

He's just another crazy

welder in the shipyards

But inside this welder's helmet,

if you'll let me demonstrate

When the mask is in position,

and the fumes accumulate

There's the finest echo chamber,

with a sound that can't be beat

Where I'm the

king of rock'n'roll,

and the world is at me feet

And it may not sound like much

to all them jokers on the squad

But inside of

here I'm singing...

...with the voice

of f***in' God

I'm Jock the singing welder,

heavy metal, rock'n'roll,

jazz, blues, roots reggae,

country, rockabilly, soul

When I'm singing, well, you'd best

lock up your daughters and your mothers

I'm Gene Vincent, Eddie Cochrane,

I'm the missing Everly Brother

I'm Jock the singing welder,

I'm heading for the heights

I'm Jock the singing welder

and the Acetylene Lights

Well, I'm more than just a welder,

and I'm telling you my name

And one day you'll see it blazoned

in the rockin' hall of fame

I've got these songs in my head,

I've got this dancing in my bones

I'm Roy Orbison, Elvis Presley,

I'm Tom f***in' Jones

I'm Jock the singing welder,

I'm heading for the heights

I'm Jock the singing welder

and the Acetylene lights...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,...

Uh-huh-huh

Uh-huh-huh

Uh-huh-huh

Uh-huh-huh

Uh-huh-huh

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo

Uh-huh-huh

Uh-huh-huh

Uh-huh-huh

Uh-huh-huh

Uh-huh-huh

Prometheus, he stole the fire,

and he brought it down to Earth

It was a prehistoric welder,

who figured out what it was worth

They call it holy metallurgy,

and I want it to be clear

That no man puts asunder what

I've joined together here

I'm Jock the singing welder

in the belly of the ship

I've got my shaky leg,

I got my quivering lip

I'm Jock the singing welder

I just haven't got a choice

Cos I'm singing all day,

at the top of my voice

I'm Jock the singing welder,

and the Acetylene lights

There's an empty throne

waiting every Saturday night

There'll be no more mistaking

where I've set my sights

Cos I ain't no pretender,

cos it's mine by rights

I'm Jock the Singing Welder

and the Acetylene Light

Jock the Singing Welder

and the Acetylene Light

Jock the Singing Welder

and the Acetylene Light

Jock the Singing Welder

and the Oxy-Acetylene Light.

Yeeeeeeeeah!

So, here's a plot spoiler alert.

Close your ears if you want.

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