Stories We Tell Page #10

and there was something

of a renewal of the passion

we felt when

we first lived together.

Diane must have been

taken aback, I would guess.

Harry must have proposed

that they live together

at some point,

and she must have been torn

between us,

since I suddenly seemed to be

the old Michael

that she once loved so much.

"Love is so short,

"forgetting so long,"

Neruda wrote.

Harry must have been

very disappointed

when she returned to Toronto,

and I'm sorry for that.

But return to Toronto she did,

and the three of us were happy

to have her with us again.

And then came the discovery

that she was pregnant.

For me, it was joyful.

For her,

it must have been agonizing.

Look, the terrible thing

about all the mental anguish

she underwent

was that she never understood

what my reaction would have been

if she'd told me the whole story.

I do believe I would have

told her not to worry,

and that I was quite ready

to accept

the ambiguity of the parentage.

But here again, I had failed.

Why is it that we talk and talk,

or at least I certainly do,

without somehow conveying

what we're really like?

So what compelled you

initially to want to write

your version of the story?

Well, I was contemplating...

I had been contemplating

for some time...

writing a memoir.

I became persuaded

that this was a strong story,

which could be told

in many different ways,

but which had

a very, very strong structure,

because it skipped

a 30-year period

and skipped a generation.

That it had a particular strength

and a sense of continuity

with respect to memory

and moving forward

from one situation to another.

That it was a story

with great sadness and great joy.

And you suggested at one point

when we met in Toronto

that we each write

our version of it,

and then we would

show it to each other at the end

and might do something with it,

but that was

left pretty open-ended.

So then I subsequently did

write the six-page summary

of the background

with Diane and us meeting.

Harry had written a piece

about his relationship

with you and Diane

and the discovery

that you are father and daughter,

and someone suggested

that he publish it.

You reacted very, very strongly...

very, very strongly to it.

You were enraged,

and you were very upset.

Hi there, Harry.

I suppose I'm confused as to why

it's such a pressing issue for you

that this story be public

when it is already known

by everyone we love

and everyone who loves us.

As I said, while my dad

has had some time

to deal with the news,

he has not yet

had to tell his friends

or answer any questions from anyone

outside of his immediate family.

This space and privacy has

been important for him,

and I believe strongly in protecting that

for as long as possible.

In my case, it goes back

to a somewhat parallel situation

during my relationship with Diane,

which was open to her friends,

but in fact was utterly constrained

by the reality

of her marital situation.

And I found that

at the time oppressive.

I guess I have felt

in this sort of a bit of a...

an echo.

I felt constrained, inhibited,

and sort of pinched

in my relationship to you

because of the private way

in which we were dealing with it.

The atmosphere got

a little heavy there.

It got heavy because

we were sort of building

misunderstanding

on top of misunderstanding,

and we both proved to be

very capable in that respect.

I was upset that this thing

had gotten up between us.

My taste or desire

to do it at that point

really was no longer there.

"This is not fun anymore.

It's just creating problems. "

So eventually, I dropped it,

and I backed off.

And what was it about having it

published that attracted you?

Well, I think...

I think anyone

who writes anything...

Anyone who does anything

wants to bring it out to the public.

If there's a story to be told,

and if the story has some validity

and some resonance,

then you don't keep it

to yourself.

There was

the honeymoon period,

there was the difficult period,

when I would hear the tones

of voices on the exchanges,

that there was tension.

So this is

in this perfect relationship,

the perfect papa,

the perfect daughter,

everything's perfect,

and it's no longer perfect.

Hi there, Harry.

I'm just extremely uncomfortable

at being involved

in the telling of this story

unless it includes

the whole picture,

which is to say

my experience of it,

your experience of it,

as well as my family's.

I've been thinking a lot

about your desire to tell this story

and my own desire to document

this experience through film.

As I begin this process,

I don't know what form

my project will take.

I don't know

if it's a personal record for myself,

or something

to be made into a piece

for others to see at some point.

I don't know

how long it would take

or if it would ever get finished,

and I wouldn't even pretend at this point

to know how to tell it,

beyond beginning to explore it

through interviews

with everyone involved,

so that everyone's point of view,

no matter how contradictory,

is included.

One day it may turn

into a documentary

for others to consume.

I'm really not sure when

or if I'd want that to happen,

but whatever it ended up being,

it would feel very odd

not to have you be a part of this.

When he considers

this documentary,

being Harry, being a producer,

I'm sure there's a little bit

of trepidation about this film,

because he doesn't have

control of everything.

He understands that.

He doesn't like it.

It's been made clear to him

that this story will be told

from the points of view of everyone

who is alive

who can talk about it,

and my dad

would really like it just to be

about his story of meeting

Diane and being with her

and having you

and meeting you again.

But he's going along with it.

He's trying to be a good sport.

So what do you think of the concept

of me making

this documentary

where we're giving equal weight

to everyone's version of the story?

I don't like it.

I think that takes us into...

into very woolly...

You can't ever

touch bottom with anything then.

We're all over the place.

I think they can all be heard.

It's giving them equal weight

which I find...

Particularly those

who are non-players.

First of all, there are

the parties to an incident...

those who were there

and who were directly

affected by it.

Then there is

a circle around that

of people who were

affected tangentially

because of their relationship

to the principal parties.

And then there's another concentric circle

further out there

which basically

has heard or been told

by one of the principal players

about it,

and all of these may have

different narratives,

and these narratives are shaped

in part by their relationship

to the person

who told it to them

and by the events.

One does not get the truth

simply by hearing

what their reactions are.

People tend to declare themselves

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