Strange Invaders Page #2

No, no, the boundaries of the universe,

the laws that govern the world

have changed so much in my time.

But a bug-eyed monster blowing up cars

somewhere in the Midwest?

Forget it, Charlie.

It seems to me, Charles,

you've got two choices.

I can give you a phone number

of a woman I know.

She works for the government.

She listens to all these stories

for a living.

Or?

Or you can try and forget

the whole thing,

go back to work, later go home,

clean the apartment, and see a movie.

Charles, you never surprise me.

Thanks, Henry.

Believe me, Margaret will call.

WOMAN:
Mrs. Benjamin.

Uh, this is Charles Bigelow.

Dr. Hollister gave me this number.

Yes?

I saw something.

Well, come on in.

I'm on the eighth floor.

Okay.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Well, this is odd.

According to what we have,

no one has lived in that town since 1958,

when it was destroyed by a tornado.

You say your ex-wife

comes from that town?

Yes.

How long were you married?

Four years.

What happened? Why did you get divorced?

Uh... I don't think

that's any of your business.

All right, Mr. Bigelow.

I'm going to show you some drawings.

These are renderings

of the most commonly sighted aliens.

I want you to look at them

and tell me if you see anything

that reminds you of the creature

you saw last night on the road.

No.

No.

No.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Bigelow.

Just a little joke we have around here.

Why don't you come with me?

(BEEPING)

We receive reports

of all kinds of phenomena here.

As a scientist,

you'll be interested to know

that most of them turn out

to have very rational solutions.

Just last year we had,

uh, a rash of phone calls

about a 50-foot woman in Oregon.

She only came out at night,

running down the highway.

Running and running...

We checked it out.

Andrea Criban, the world's

tallest woman basketball player.

She was in training.

Then there was

this small town in Louisiana,

where it rained on the same 10-block...

Look, I didn't say

it was raining in Centerville.

Mr. Bigelow,

if there was something out there,

don't you think we'd know about it?

I'll have the marine show you out.

Thanks.

(HORNS AND SIRENS)

Betty Walker?

WOMAN:
Yes?

My name is Charles Bigelow.

I'm a Professor at Columbia.

Columbia? That sounds serious.

You're from a Pulitzer Prize

committee, right?

Well, what can I do for you?

Do you have a cigarette, by any chance?

Uh, I quit.

What's on your mind?

- Did you write this article?

- Yes, I did, if you can call it that.

Well...

I saw one.

What?

I saw one of these.

Tim, could you come here

a minute, please?

I'd like you to hear this.

Mister, uh, Bigelow here

has just seen an alien.

Hi, Mr. Bigelow.

Go on, Mr. Bigelow.

(BUZZER)

Okay, it was in Illinois,

in Centerville.

It was standing on the side of the road.

I drove right past it.

Uh, it looked just like this.

It had these smooth, obsidian eyes.

Wait a minute. Let me guess.

You were hypnotized.

You were taken aboard a flying saucer,

where they placed you on a silver table

and examined you.

You even have tiny marks

all over your body to prove it.

Look, Mr. Bigelow, we don't pay

very much for alien stories anymore.

Two-headed dogs...

That's very big.

Two-headed dogs maybe,

but aliens are... pass.

Finished?

Mmm-hmm.

All right. It fired at me.

It was like a laser beam.

It struck my car.

Very powerful.

Is that "laser beam"?

I know it sounds ridiculous,

but it happened.

All I want to know is,

where did this picture come from?

It was just in the file

with some old letters.

No one's supposed to believe this stuff.

She made it up.

Well, I won't keep you any longer.

You know, if you're in a hurry,

you should have taken the stairs.

It's only 18 stories.

I'm sorry.

You know, we don't get very many

visitors around here anymore.

At least, not since the Bigfoot story.

All right, I'm sorry.

Here are your glasses.

I know, it wasn't that funny.

Come on, loosen up.

I'm trying to be nice.

Don't change

your personality just for me.

Oh, that's good. I like that.

Well, now that we're past

the awkward getting-to-know-you phase,

let me buy you a drink.

Well, come back tomorrow.

Maybe we can find this photograph.

(DOG BARKING)

Hi, Earl. How you doing?

Well, not too well today.

My Aunt Mabel died.

Well, you can't criticize her for that.

Oh, you know, Earl, that funny-sounding

machine next to the sink

that's supposed to make

my garbage disappear?

Uh-huh.

Well, it doesn't!

Well, I guess I'll be up later.

Okay, girls.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hello. Avon calling.

New wave, right?

Uh, pardon me?

Well, the look. I mean,

you're part of a band or something?

Uh, we have many fine products.

Oh, come on. Don't you people

do any market research?

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

Well, then, let me put it this way.

I don't want any.

Oh, but please, if you would...

If you would just let me familiarize you

with some of our miraculous products,

it could change your luck.

Well... Not today.

(LOUD THUMP)

(GASPING)

Are you okay?

It's the heat.

Well, can I get you something to drink?

No. If I could just use

your bathroom, my dear...

I guess it's okay.

You have a lovely apartment.

Thank you. The bathroom's over there,

just around the corner.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hello? Are you okay?

Is there anything I can do?

Would you like me to call someone?

(GASPS)

(TURNS BLENDER OFF)

Jesus, Earl, you scared me.

Well, the door was open.

Look, Earl, I know

this is going to sound ridiculous,

but I think a strange woman's

locked herself in my bathroom.

Well, Betty, how'd she get in there?

Earl, I let her in.

Well... I'll have a look.

Thanks.

(TURNS BLENDER ON)

(SHOWER CURTAIN RATTLES)

Earl, you know what I was thinking?

Maybe we should call the cops.

Earl?

Earl?

Miss Walker, could you come

with me for a minute?

You know, there's one thing

that bothers me.

Normally, when someone's

been electrocuted...

There's a body.

Where's the body?

(TV PLAYING DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Tim?

What?

You know, I think there was a letter

that came with this photograph.

So?

Well, could you find it?

This filing system?

Come on, Tim.

All right, all right, all right.

I'll see what I can do.

Excuse me.

Is there something wrong?

No. I've just been

working here too long.

What do you teach, anyway?

Entomology.

Insects.

What do you want?

Thought we should have that drink.

She said she was an Avon lady,

for Christ's sakes.

You know, one of those

well-scrubbed Midwestern faces...

Oklahoma, where the wind

comes sweeping down the plains.

Hmm, or Illinois.

I know.

Go on.

I let her use my bathroom. That's it.

That's the last I saw of her.

But if I run into her again,

I'm going to be ready.

You know what I think?

Yeah, I know what you think, and I don't

want to hear it. It's just too creepy.

Listen to me!

I think they followed me.

I led them right to you.

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