Striptease Page #2

. . .say my hair fell off

from the shock. Boom.

They pay off bigtime.

Lawyer thinks it's a genius idea.

Your lawyer has an office

over a video store.

Call me a dreamer.

I don't wanna be a bouncer forever.

Erin! Note from Jerry!

What did it say?

"Dearest Erin:
I can help you

get your daughter back.

I ask nothing in return

but a kind smile. "

Yeah, right!

He's a weirdo.

You guys!

He is totally harmless.

Come on!

"Also, could you add

Kenny G to your routine?

Anything from his Christmas album. "

That's sweet.

We could do a Christmas show here!

Seriously, it couldn't hurt

to talk to him, right?

-Only talking, no touching.

-Ladies! Attention!

-Major announcement.

-Major a**hole.

I heard that.

On Monday, I'm installing a ring.

Mud wrestling?

This is something

that's really happening.

It's contemporary. It's now.

And it's creamed-corn wrestling.

-Corn?

-Corn wrestling?

That's disgusting!

I'm not putting these in corn.

No way!

What?

No, it's terrific!

In lsrael, we did falafel wrestling.

All the girls broke out

in hives everywhere.

And I mean, everywhere!

Well, falafel, sure.

This is corn!

-What is this, a mutiny?

-I don't think so.

No chance that I'm gonna roll

around naked in creamed corn. . .

. . .with drunken yahoos trying

to stick niblets up my hoo-hah.

Not naked. Topless.

Health Department won't go for naked.

Not with food products.

I always liked the Health Department.

So you'll think about it?

-Not for one second.

-Erin!

Please!

You're getting a big following here.

Even with that sh*t music,

the guys love you.

You go into the corn, you set

a great example to the other girls.

I got it!

How about pasta wrestling?

Now, that's classy.

Linguine, rigatoni?

Just nothing with meat or fish.

Orly, if I wanted to wrestle. . .

. . .I would've joined

the World Wrestling Federation.

-And speaking of real class?

-What's the problem?

We hate these.

They degrade women and beavers.

I'll take it under advisement.

But just the coasters and the napkins.

Not the sign.

That's a landmark!

Good night, darlin' .

For you, Miss Grant.

They're beautiful, Jerry.

Thank you.

You can call me Erin--

I can't.

I worship you too much.

Believe me. . .

. . .I'm no one to be worshiped.

I'm just trying to make a living.

I worship your essence.

If you were a nurse or a teacher,

I'd feel the same.

You receive my note?

I did and, you know, I was wondering

what you had in mind.

I believe I can help you

get your daughter back.

I believe I can

get to Judge Fingerhut.

-How?

-Through. . .

. . .a certain congressman who

I'm certain will listen to me. . .

. . .because I know some things.

Things? Really?

Well, you know what, Jerry?

You're really a terrific guy. . .

. . .and so supportive of me

ever since I started here.

Maybe you shouldn't--

Just give me a week.

Good night, my precious.

Melissa thinks I was in synagogue

the night this happened.

What do I tell her?

You left synagogue and a gang

of skinheads jumped you.

In the meantime, we'll develop these,

we'll see what we have.

I see mucho damages. These strip

joints are insured up the ass.

My neck really feels better,

Uncle Al.

Oh, yeah?

How's it feel now?

Call Little Caesar's.

Order me a health pizza.

Get some for yourself.

No, thank you, sir.

I'm dieting.

I'll just grab a yogurt

out of the fridge.

This is a major disaster!

Major. Unbelievable.

Without doubt. . .

. . .the most asinine piece

of human behavior.

It's never gonna

happen again, Malcolm.

I've got it under control.

You see. . .

. . .I just love naked women.

It's a character flaw.

God's testing me--

Oh, will you shut up!

You idiot.

You can't talk to me like that.

I'm a U.S. congressman.

I can't?

You go psycho in a titty bar

six weeks before the election.

What should I call you?

Winston f***ing Churchill?

It was all I could do to keep. . .

. . .Willie Rojo from strangling you

with his bare hands.

Everybody has a bad night.

If you're under pressure like we are,

under the public eye--

Who recognized me?

His name. . .

. . .is Jerry Killian.

And he's waiting outside.

Now?

Now. We gotta move on this

before we get eaten alive.

Move on what?

If this is a shakedown,

get Willie to pay them like always.

-Why drag me into it--

-Because it's not about money.

-It's not?

-No.

He wants you to persuade

Judge Fingerhut. . .

. . .to reverse a child custody case

for some stripper.

Who he's porking?

It's disgraceful to have

a man like me deal with--

He's not porking her.

Well, then, why does he care?

Because he's nuts!

That's why he's dangerous.

If he was porking her, at least

I could deal with him man to man. . .

. . .but this is fruitcake love.

I mean, Fingerhut's a democrat.

He won't listen to me.

You can't say that

to this little creep, Davey.

You gotta string him along.

Bullshit him.

Use the old. . .

. . .Dilbeck charm.

What if he doesn't go for it?

Then we have a serious problem.

Mr. Killian!

Come in and meet

Congressman Dilbeck.

I'll bet that's Jerry Killian.

Lucy!

Come here.

Come on.

How perfect is this?

You know, I was just thinking. . .

. . .is this really on

the same planet as Miami?

I can read.

Where's Andy?

He's been fishing since eight.

Dad!

Dad!

There's a floater!

He's still got his glasses on.

Go tell Mom to call the police.

-You're the police.

-I'm the Miami police.

We just need the local law here.

Go on.

Man!

Of all the lakes. . .

. . .in all the counties. . .

. . .in all the world. . .

. . .you gotta float up in mine.

You son of a b*tch.

Mama!

Hey, come here!

I've been trying to reach you, baby.

Heard you stole my sister's mail!

That's a federal offense.

Wait for Mommy.

I'm gonna go talk to Daddy.

Why do you keep moving?

How will she make any friends?

Aren't we the child psych--

It has nothing to do with child

psychology, you moron!

Where's she going to school?

Opa Locka? Deerfield Beach?

Have you even thought about it?

Yeah, I thought about it plenty.

Hey, you only got two hours!

That's what the judge ruled

right there from that bench!

I'll be right behind you just in case

you're thinking about snatching her!

Mommy, does "snatch" mean "kidnap"?

How did you get so smart?

Is Free Willy back yet?

Still out.

People are pigs.

Sit on movies like they own them.

Freak.

It's Shad. Open up.

It wasn't me. It was a temp.

Where's Perry Mason?

Our good friend, Mr. Shad!

Come on in, we have lots to discuss.

No sh*t.

If I buzz twice, you say my mother's

on the line. She has chest pains.

What do you mean

he's a wheelchair salesman?

There's one nice thing about hospitals.

A lot of kids in chairs are

really sick, and I wave at them. . .

. . .and they smile

just like on jerry Lewis.

-And do you do this every day?

-On Fridays I stay with Aunt Rita.

That's a wholesome environment.

She has real wolves.

I don't want you

touching those animals.

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