Strong Island Page #6

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Your son was shot down like a dog.

You're not going to be with them always,

I'm not with them always.

The girls are all we have left."

I wanted him to be angry.

I wanted him to be outraged.

I wanted him...

to...

I wanted him to get a gun...

to avenge my son's death.

He became silent.

We never sat down as a family

and talked about what happened.

We just kind of...

went into our own spaces,

went into our own heads.

The house had a stillness

unlike anything I've ever felt

in my life.

It was like...

all the sound...

left the world.

I thought...

that I could comfort your father,

or... and that he would comfort me.

But he turned his back.

I would move over, over...

and... he couldn't go any further.

He couldn't go any further.

So I got up and I walked

around the bed,

and I got in front of him.

I just said,

"It's not your loss.

It's our loss.

We, together, created this child.

God granted him to us for these years.

You can't grieve an issue

that came from my body,

and shut me out."

And we both cried.

He embraced me, and we both cried.

And that's how we went to sleep.

Yance, go down.

Why don't you let us button up your strap?

No.

My father had

the stroke that

paralyzed him on the left

side of his body

the year after my brother

was killed.

Help me stand up.

Help you stand up?

Yeah.

Right. OK.

Yance, stand next to Dad.

-Do you want to stand beside me?

-Yeah.

-Where are you?

-I'm right here.

That's the good side.

The right side is the good side.

-I know.

-Alright. OK.

Smile, Dad.

What else?

OK, this is good. I'm done.

And... fading to black.

When I went to college,

I did start doing what I wanted to do.

I had filled out an application

for the Rochester Police Department...

you know?

And I was looking into

the Monroe Sheriff's County...

the Monroe County Sheriff's Department.

I wanted to... I was pursuing...

you know, being a cop

or being an EMT up there,

when Dad had his stroke,

and...

Mom was like, "We can't

afford to keep you up there."

7:
30 in the morning.

I had woken up late.

I got dressed, got my

stuff together...

I had to go to class,

because we had a test.

I go into the city. I do my thing.

I come back home,

but the first thing I see

is Dad's wheelchair folded up

in the corner of the foyer,

and I'm like, "What's going on?"

Mom found him outside,

underneath the porch in a

nice shady spot,

where he liked to sit

and watch people go by.

I did William a

great disservice

in raising him the way we did.

Because,

we've always tried to teach you guys

that you see character

and not color.

And many, many times, I wonder...

how I could be so wrong.

The only nightmare

I ever remember having

is my mother,

standing at the top of the stairway

in her nightgown.

Her hair is on end.

There's light behind her.

I can't see her face.

She says to me,

"This house is made of bone.

This house is made of bone.

This house is made of bone."

I failed

to keep my son alive.

I failed you and your sister,

in not pursuing justice.

How do you know...

when and what to do differently?

OK, my dear.

Thank you very much.

Want to go up to the mirror

to take a look?

My mother always suspected

that there was something else,

that she didn't know,

or that she hadn't been told,

that had happened, that had

contributed to my brother's death.

She had asked me,

"Is there anything that you know

that I don't know?"

And I flat out lied to her

on more than one occasion,

and said, "No.

You know everything I know."

And that wasn't true.

I never told my mom about

the conversation

that William had with me.

I never told my mother

that he called.

I went to college 300

miles from home,

in the middle of upstate

New York.

When I got to Hamilton,

I could finally come out.

I just didn't have to hide anymore.

And that's the person

that William didn't know.

When William had a confrontation...

Not the night that he was shot

but about a month earlier,

at the garage,

and threw a vacuum cleaner

and picked up a... a car door...

threatening to slam it down...

He called me after that,

and told me what he had done, and...

I was proud of him.

I cheered him on, for being a bad-ass,

for not taking sh*t from anybody.

And he actually called me.

He could have called his friends.

He could have chosen not to call anyone.

But he called me, and told me about it.

Because he was proud of himself.

And I think that he wanted me

to be proud of him.

And I was.

And I felt a little bit like...

even though he might not have fully known

who he was talking to...

it felt like he was talking

to the real me.

And that's why that phone call is so dear.

That's why it's so important.

And that's why I feel like I f***ed it up.

Mark Reilly is accountable

for William's death

because Mark Reilly shot William.

But I could have helped William stay

out of that situation to begin with.

If I had told my parents

about the first incident,

he would have been stopped

in his tracks,

because they both would have

come down on him.

But instead,

I enjoyed...

my brother, the hero.

And a month later or so,

that hero was dead.

The madness that is my brother's death,

would drive me mad,

if I weren't able...

to hold myself accountable

for at least a small part of it.

Because then, it sort of...

it grounds it somewhere.

It puts it on the earth,

as opposed to in the ether,

or as opposed to... in the unknown,

or in the anonymous.

If I don't ground it,

in some way, in myself,

then it's everywhere, all the time.

It's ubiquitous.

And that actually is a greater,

more damaging,

heavier burden to live with,

than to blame myself

for not being a smarter 19-year-old,

when my brother called me and told me

about this stupid fight that he had.

Does that make sense?

Detective's Association.

Good morning. I was hoping to speak

to Detective James Hughes, please.

This is Detective James Hughes.

Good morning, Detective Hughes.

My name is Yance Ford.

I don't know if my name

is familiar to you at all.

It's familiar because I

just got back from

vacation and listened

to your message.

I do remember the case.

I remembered it

as soon as I heard your

brother's name.

You know, obviously, the Grand Jury,

when presented with the evidence,

came back with a No True

Bill on the case.

You know, there was a...

The Grand Jury pretty much looked at

the case as... a self-defense case.

They felt it was a justifiable...

shooting.

The way the Grand Jury went was

supported by the facts and evidence.

Just, you know, I mean... and that's

part of what made the case so hard.

But, I mean, this wasn't a thing

where I thought the Grand Jury

went the wrong way.

Because I had a number

of different statements from people,

about incidents prior to

this incident.

And...

I mean, I know that

there was one incident before...

the night that he was killed,

because he told me about it.

You know, he'd picked up a car door.

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