Struck by Lightning Page #2

And uh, emilio,

do you have a section

you'd like to tackle this week?

Uh... i love america.

Okay. Great.

I love the aphorism.

We'll create

a patriotic section

just for you.

Now.

Moving onto creative writing.

Does anyone have any

- short stories or...

- yes, i did write

- a short story.

- Fantastic. Let's hear it.

Um...

this is written by malerie.

"It was the best of times.

"It was the worst of times.

It was the age of wisdom."

Malerie.

You didn't write that.

Yeah,

it's in my handwriting.

But um...

if you don't believe me then...

- [period bell rings]

- Please come back tomorrow

with something, with anything.

And don't forget that there's

a writers' club meeting

in case any of you

change your mind

about wanting to join.

Or change your personalities.

There was never anything

to do in clover...

besides jamba juice

and cow tipping.

There's no "h" in suck!

So to entertain ourselves,

we all became

diehard club members.

We had the cheerleaders.

- She smells like gluten.

- [Laughter]

Yearbook club led by

the human mosquito known as

- remy baker.

- No!

I don't want any fatties on

the back to school night page!

I don't want to expose

my grandchildren to a bunch of

obese sophomores...

by body is sacred.

The celibacy club.

It's time that we're treated

like the treasures that we are.

And, five, six, seven, eight!

There was the drama club.

Always written, directed,

and produced by scott thomas.

Okay. I've been

giving this a lot of thought.

Meryl streep as mama rose.

- Thoughts? Thoughts?

- Yeah, it's done.

Hugs. Hugs.

[Sighs]

And then the athletes.

Boys,

can you freeze fire?

Hot stuff,

can you freeze fire?

Yes.

Well, um...

have you seen the movie

the last airbender?

No. I sleep with girls.

Oh. Um,

well, you know...

in certain dimensions,

yes.

You just

completely blew my mind.

Can i get a close-up

of your bicep?

And of course,

worse than detention,

the writers' club.

Hi, malerie.

I wrote another

short story for the chronicle.

Great.

Let's hear it.

It's um...

this one,

i think you're gonna like it.

It's probably my best one.

[Sighs]

Call me ishmael.

Some years ago,

never mind

how long precisely...

malerie.

Did you really write this?

No.

You saw right through me.

[Sighs heavily]

I'm a complete disappointment.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I mean, writing takes time.

Your own words would help, too.

But i can't think of

any ideas myself.

Like,

i have no imagination.

All god blessed me with

was this flawless complexion

and really good

table tennis skills.

I'm like, asian good.

How do you do it?

I...

uh, well, i don't...

don't try to find the ideas.

Let the ideas find you.

It's one of the most

amazing experiences.

You know, finding something

to write about or uh...

realizing something

for the first time.

It comes out of nowhere

and then it just hits you

and it's all

you can think about

and it goes through your body,

and it tries to escape and, and

be expressed

in any way possible.

I mean, it's uh...

- it's a lot like um...

- lightning.

Yeah, yeah.

Exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Well, don't worry.

You'll find something

to write about soon.

[Intercom] attention

student council members.

There's a meeting

in the activities office.

They only have these meetings

when they think i've gone home.

The joke's on them.

I never go home.

Yeah, either do i.

'Cause home is overrated.

So is m&m's world.

Seriously.

I often fantasized

about various torture methods

i would rather

have been experiencing

than sitting in a

- student council meeting.

- And i'm happy to report

that there will be

enough trailers and trucks

for all the clubs

to have floats

at homecoming.

It was run

by our student body president

claire mathews.

You know, that girl.

The one that

probably shits cupcakes.

And as excited as

we all are about homecoming,

we need to choose a theme

for the sadie hawkins dance.

It'll be here

sooner than we think.

- Okay, any ideas?

- "Fun under the sun."

That screams

"skin cancer" to me.

It would be fun.

It's an excuse

to wear flip flops

and bikinis to school.

Yes.

What about

"one night in paris"?

My family and i

went over the summer

and it was beautiful.

Ab fab idea.

If we go all out,

it might run us over budget.

So nicholas, do you think

your dad could cover it?

He's never

turned us down before.

Okay,

"one night in paris."

Like the sex tape?

- Come on.

- Okay, fine.

Let's go with something

a little bit more generic

like "under the sea."

It was the theme

of my parents' school dance.

Well, if you're

not going for originality.

- We aren't.

- Great.

Everyone can bring their crabs.

I hate you more than

i hate the holocaust.

Bite me, hobbit.

Sorry. We don't have

to listen to him.

He's only here

because he's the editor

of the stupid paper.

Why do you even care?

It's not like you

go to anything anyway.

- Because they're stupid!

- Okay, fine!

Then you choose a theme,

carson!

Okay. Um...

you all like tv, right?

What about

famous television couples, huh?

People could be um,

fred and wilma,

mulder and scully,

uh, lucy and ricky.

- Heidi and spencer.

- John and kate.

- Snooki and the situation.

- Serious? No.

- That's reality tv...

- khloe and lamar.

Yes! Yes!

If i couldn't get them

to listen to me,

what made me think

i could get the world to?

- Well, um...

- okay, i think we're good.

Poor mom.

She spent her entire life

trying to be betty crocker.

And became betty ford.

Antidepressants.

Anti nausea. Antihistamine.

Antl-anxiety.

Acid reflux. Estrogen.

Osteoporosis.

Tendonitis.

Wrap 'em up.

Hi there.

I'll just

pop these in the computer

and you can be on your way.

- Who are you? Where's chuck?

- Chuck retired.

I'm april adams.

I took over for him.

I'm new in town.

I'm from the bay area.

I will be here

monday, tuesday,

wednesday and friday.

I'm sure your

life is just wonderful,

but clearly mine is not.

So could you

hurry this up for me please?

How far along are you?

Six months.

It's a boy.

Ooh. Good luck with that.

I remember those days,

excitement, joy.

Endless cravings

for pickles and peanut butter.

I'm sure

you and your husband

are just thrilled.

- Fiance.

- Oh, how liberal.

Good thing shotgun weddings

aren't part of those gun laws

you people voted for,

huh?

I'm done here,

mrs. Phillips.

- Ms.

- They'll be ready in an hour.

Fresh from the oven.

Thank you.

I brought you

the latest edition of the

clover high chronicle.

My article is called

"small town sex scandal."

Do you know my grandson?

[Sighs]

I think so.

I miss him.

He never comes

to visit me anymore.

He used to write me stories.

I remember

the first story

he ever wrote me.

"Once upon a time

there was a boy."

- [Chuckling]

- I remember.

I told him it could use

a little development.

So the next day,

he brought me another story.

"Once upon a time,

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